Breathe [oneshot]
Title: Breathe
Team: AU
Rating: PG - 13
Fandom: U-KISS
Pairing: broken!Soohyun/Dongho, hinted!Soohyun/Kiseop
Summary: Where Soohyun can't let go, and Kiseop tries to help him understand that the world isn't over.
Prompt Used: Beast - Soom
AN;; My 2011 Olymfic! Thanks to my entire team for holding my hand and listening to me whine and cry. Thanks for brainstorming ideas with me, keeping me company, and for general random craziness. I'm so glad I signed up and got to meet all of you! I'm glad we're friends now, and let's stay in touch even though it's over! :3
--
XX05/04/30
--
When he dreamed, he dreamed of The Fire.
“Dongho!”
His voice echoed around him in the darkness, mocking him.
“Dongho!”
He could see the trees now. Their trunks were burnt black in the shape of licking flames.
And then there was The Fire.
It burned across the tops of the trees, sending the leaves falling like a rainstorm of fire.
There he was.
“Dongho!”
The dark silhouette of a dragon loomed behind the boy. Its tail was curled around his body, holding him securely in the flames.
“Dongho!”
He ran for him. The more steps he took, however, the more time seemed to slow down. The flames flickered slowly, beckoning him towards the circle of fire that held Dongho and his dragon.
The sound of rushing wind passed over him. He looked up to see a faint outline of another dragon. His dragon.
“Dongho!”
Dongho’s eyes were open now, a smile on his face. He ran for him, reaching his hand out.
Dongho’s head slumped down again, the ghost of a smile still on his face as the flames burned higher.
“Dongho!”
He felt something curl around his waist before abruptly pulling him up off of the ground. He reached out helplessly for the boy engulfed in the flames below him as a dragon bellowed low.
--
“Soohyun!” Soohyun jerked up into a sitting position, throwing off whatever coverings were on top of him. Breathing hard, he ran his hand through his hair, wiping away the cold sweat from his forehead.
“You were yelling his name again.” Soohyun sighed and ran his hand through his hair, staring off into the distance. The sun was barely rising, and the cold morning air was starting to nip at the bare skin of his chest.
Kiseop didn’t know why Soohyun insisted on sleeping next to the forest. It was burnt black from the last battle, a battle that they barely managed to escape alive. Kiseop’s arm was in a sling, an injury not from the battle, but from Soohyun himself.
Soohyun sighed again as his eyes settled on Kiseop’s sling before moving to the healing scar on his face.
“I’m probably going to get the same answer, but it never hurts to ask. Are you okay?” Kiseop asked, squeezing his shoulder.
“No,” Soohyun said, “I’m not okay.”
--
The Order of Three Thirty was the King’s favorite order of dragon tamers. They were the best of the best, and hardly anyone rose to that order without having extremely good luck or a death wish. They all knew that their days were numbered, but it didn’t stop them from fulfilling their duty.
Soohyun packed up his tent, calling his dragon, Kibum, over and securing his belongings to the large dragon’s back. He pulled his uniform out, a black shirt with a white jacket with two long pointed tails, a gold dragon curling around the sleeve.
He tugged at the collar as it dug into his neck, thinking back to how Dongho used to smirk and make fun of him before batting his hands away, insisting that he’d get used to it.
They were two very different people, Soohyun and Dongho. Soohyun grew up on the streets and took a dragon for a joy ride. Somehow the king was impressed with him and took him off of the streets, offering to train him as a dragon tamer. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain, until he met Dongho.
Dongho grew up as a noble in the castle. He spent his entire life, however short it was, learning to be a dragon tamer. He was good at it, that was for sure, and ended up being the youngest person ever to join the Order of Three Thirty.
Soohyun remembered attending Dongho’s initiation ceremony. A boy his age in the Order of Thirty Three? A death wish for sure.
--
“Soohyun, your collar’s messed up again,” Kiseop said as he ran up behind him, reaching out to pull out the part bent into his neck. Soohyun flinched away from him, hitting Kiseop’s arm away.
“Thanks, I’m fine.” Kiseop stopped walking in the castle passage, staring after Soohyun as he walked away, tails of his coat fluttering in the wind. Kiseop sighed before running his hand through his hair. He turned on his heels and headed down to the Ceremonial Hall, where the initiation ceremony for the new members of the Order of Three Thirty was taking place.
--
Soohyun sat in the middle of the row of the current members of the order. At three and twenty, he was the oldest one, a feat to be admired. None of the order usually survived past the age of twenty, a bitter fact Soohyun knew in the back of his mind.
“And so forth, you shall be bound forever by your duties to the Order of Three Thirty until death parts you from this world.” The two new members kneeled on stage as the King tapped their shoulders with his scepter.
“They sure found replacements pretty fast,” Soohyun heard someone whisper behind him. He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to turn around and correct them. They were new members, not replacements. No one could replace the former members of the order.
--
“Hello, I’m Hoon. It’s nice to meet everyone.” He bowed low as the rest of the members sat down at the table of the meeting hall. Soohyun gave him a look over before glancing at the other new member with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m AJ,” he said with a short wave of his hand, “we’ll be replacing-”
“You’re not replacing anyone,” Soohyun said, cutting him off and giving him an annoyed look.
“Sit down.” AJ gave Soohyun a look of disbelief before sitting down slowly. He looked through their scrolls for their training history. It looked like AJ trained with Eli while Hoon trained with Kevin.
“Where’s Kevin?” Soohyun asked without looking up. He knew the boy would be missing from the meeting. He was always conveniently missing during these meetings.
“Taking care of Xander. The last battle really took a toll on his dragon,” Kiseop said curtly, keeping his eyes on his hands. He was slumped against the back of his chair, his good arm resting on the table, as Soohyun looked up to raise an eyebrow at him. Kiseop never took that tone of voice with him.
--
Kiseop disappeared right after the meeting to discuss battle strategies with their new members. Soohyun didn’t know why, but it was bothering him, the way Kiseop answered him with short, curt answers during the meeting. Soohyun looked around the castle for him, his boots making a dull echoing noise as he walked through the empty castle hallways.
He found Kiseop out on the grounds patching up his dragon’s broken horn. It laid silently on the ground, blinking every now and then as Kiseop wrapped it up with his good arm.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen to you,” Kiseop said softly as he patted his dragon on the head. It answered with a low grumble, knowing that Kiseop did his best to take care of it. Kiseop’s dragon was a little bit smaller than the others in the order, but it was fast and hit hard. Kiseop often found himself on the front lines of battle, dodging bursts of flame and taking out the front line for the rest of the order.
He was overwhelmed the last battle, causing him to make mistakes and get his dragon injured.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get your horn patched up. I was getting stuff fixed on me, too.” His dragon turned its head slightly to look at his arm in a sling. It nudged Kiseop’s arm gently with its nose, as if it were apologizing to him for not being able to protect him either.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, petting its nose, “you should concentrate on getting better. I’ll take you out for a flight later today, okay?” His dragon suddenly shifted, eyes narrowing as Soohyun got closer. It bared its teeth at Soohyun, earning a reprimand from Kiseop. It snorted angrily once before turning its head away.
“How’s your arm?” Soohyun asked, staring at the sling.
“They said it would take months to heal properly, assuming that I did nothing but stay in bed. But since I very well can’t, it’ll take maybe a year or so before I get full use out of it again,” Kiseop said with hard eyes. Soohyun closed his eyes and bit his lip.
“We all loved him, Soohyun. We all still love him. Don’t think you were the only one attached to him. He knew what he was getting into when he joined the order.”
“You don’t understand anything-”
“Just shut up. I understand plenty. You two were in love. You had to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to realize that. I risked my life, I risked my dragon’s life, Kevin’s life, and his dragon’s life to save you, because you were too blind to see that he was gone. And what do I get? This scar across my face. Your resentment. You snapped my elbow clean.” Kiseop’s voice got louder and louder as he finally let out all of his frustrations towards Soohyun.
“Don’t think Dongho was the only one that loved you. He knew he was going to die that day. That’s why he died to save me.” Soohyun stood there and listened. His eyes started to narrow as Kiseop shook his head and walked over to his dragon, grabbing at the rope with his good arm and climbing up onto its back.
“Let’s go,” he yelled to his dragon, kicking its sides with his boots. It stood up, shaking its body slightly to get rid of the feeling of immobility. Soohyun took a few steps back as it unfurled its wings and launched into the air.
For once in his life, Soohyun felt guilty.
--
XX05/05/09
--
Soohyun stood at the edge of the black forest again. Ash lined the ground, and the trees were so forlorn and barren, it was almost like a graveyard. And in a way, it was.
Soohyun took a few steps in, looking around at the fallen tree branches. With each step he took, he felt like his breath was leaving him. His heart pounded louder in his chest as his head started to spin. Halfway into the forest, he fell to his knees, sending ash and soot flying into the air and staining his white jacket.
With each breath he took, it seemed to constrict his chest even further. Black particles swirled around in the air in front of him before getting blown away by a gentle breeze. Soohyun took a few more deep breaths before closing his eyes and slumping to the ground.
--
XX04/08/21
--
“Hey. Wake up. You can’t keep shirking your duties and hiding out here.” Soohyun’s eyes fluttered open. Dongho’s face loomed over his as he nudged him with his boot. Soohyun sat up, rubbing his eyes. The forest floor was soft and green. Sunlight was flooding in through the cracks of the canopy, moving across the ground as a gentle breeze rocked the branches.
“I’ll do what I want,” he said with a smile on his face before rolling over and settling on his stomach.
“Where’s your jacket?” Soohyun pointed over to the neatly folded jacket at the base of one of the trees.
“No way. You folded something properly. I think I’m finally starting to get to you,” Dongho said, squatting down and shoving at his side. Soohyun made a noise of protest before sighing.
“Come on. You know it’s dangerous to be here by yourself. We’re supposed to be discussing battle strategies in case the midland decides to attack.”
“Right, right...” Soohyun rolled over and grabbed Dongho’s arm, pulling the younger boy on top of him and squeezing him tight.
“Soohyun!”
“In a second. I’m comfortable.”
--
XX05/05/09
--
“Soohyun! Soohyun!”
Soohyun jerked awake to the black forest around him. Eli was kneeling beside him with a concerned expression on his face.
“What’re you doing out here? You’re going to get a disease from breathing in all of this,” he said, gesturing around at all the soot and ash. Soohyun groaned and pushed himself up from the ground, opening his mouth to speak. Instead, he coughed until he coughed up what he managed to inhale.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Eli grabbed his arm and called for his dragon. The dragon hovered over the forest, wrapping its tail around the two of them before flying into the sky.
--
“How did you know where I was?” Soohyun asked as the medical examiner looked him over. Eli leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“When we didn’t see you come back at sunset, we got worried. Kiseop told us where you might be.” Soohyun pursed his lips and let out a deep breath.
“You inhaled a lot of soot and ash, but other than that, you should be okay. Try not go back there, your lungs won’t be able to take it. And if you do, because I know you never listen, wear a mask.” Soohyun hopped off of the bed and grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on.
“Where’s Kiseop?”
“His room. He’s just looking out for you,” Eli called after Soohyun as he left the infirmary.
--
Kiseop was asleep when Soohyun slammed the door to his bedroom open. If the slam of the door didn’t wake him up, then the light when Soohyun turned his lamp on did. Soohyun set the lamp down on Kiseop’s nightstand and stood next to his bed.
Kiseop didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t need to.
“... I’m sorry.”
“Apologies don’t fix anything,” Kiseop said quietly, sighing as he shifted to a more comfortable position. His broken arm made it harder to find a comfortable sleeping position these days.
“I’m still sorry.”
“You can be sorry for as long as you want. My arm will still be broken, and Dongho will still be gone.”
--
XX05/05/13
--
Kiseop started to avoid talking to Soohyun. He didn’t follow the older man around anymore or attempt to make light conversation. Kiseop didn’t go looking for him when he disappeared. He didn’t even look at Soohyun during meetings anymore and avoided going to training at the same time. The only time Soohyun could even approach him was when he was taking care of his dragon. And even then, what could he say?
Soohyun found himself at the entrance to the forest again. He took a deep breath outside as the wind picked up again and stepped inside.
Ash and soot billowed into the air again with each step he took. When he could feel his breathing become short again, he gritted his teeth and broke out in a run towards the center of the forest.
He slid to a stop and fell to his knees again when his mind shut down.
--
XX05/03/30
--
The alarm sounded through the castle in the middle of the night. Soohyun almost fell out of his bed before he forced himself awake, dragging his clothes on. By the time he was ready, he joined the crowd of tamers of various orders running towards the field where the dragons were.
They parted for the tamers wearing white. The Order of Three Thirty ran ahead of the others, calling their dragons as soon as clear space was found. Soohyun spotted Dongho jumping onto his dragon’s back as it flew by and soared into the air.
“The midlands are attacking! We can head them off over the forest before they get too close to the town!” Soohyun heard Kevin shout from behind him. More and more dragons rose into the air and took off towards the forest where the enemy would be waiting.
--
Kiseop was waiting at the front, staring off apprehensively into the darkness as his eyes adjusted. He squinted through his goggles, trying to catch a glimpse of anything in the air. Dongho and Eli pulled up on both sides of him, glancing around.
“It’s quiet,” Eli said, looking towards Kiseop.
“Maybe a little bit too quiet.” Kiseop frowned until a rustling in the forest below him caught his eye. There was no wind.
“They’re in the forest!” Kiseop yelled, urging his dragon up.
“Look out!” A burst of flame erupted from the forest, catching the leaves on fire as a hoard of dragons bellowed and burst from the trees. He could hear the shouts from the other side as they rushed them.
Kiseop swore as he was forced back with Dongho and Eli. Soohyun hovered at the front of the defense orders, waiting for a signal. When he saw the burst of flame from the forest, his eyes widened as he saw Dongho, Kiseop, and Eli scatter, and the dragons emerge from the trees.
Soohyun dropped lower, allowing the defense orders to cover the archers. The attack orders rose above them and flew towards the forest. Kibum let out a low growl before shooting towards the forest as Soohyun drew his sword.
Growls, snapping teeth, and bursts of flame were the only things heard along with the cries of people and roars of dragons. Kiseop fought off a particularly large dragon, sweating as a flame passed dangerously close to his head.
He lost his concentration when he heard Dongho yelling behind him. He turned to look, causing his sword to slip. The dragon he was fighting roared and swiped at him. Kiseop’s dragon whipped its tail, connecting with the other dragon’s head and making it roar before falling towards the ground.
“Dongho!” Dongho was hanging precariously from a dangling rope from his dragon. Kiseop saw the dragon flying towards him, aiming for the rope.
“Go, go!” Kiseop’s dragon tried to intercept the other dragon and knock it off of its course but ended up crashing into it. Kiseop heard a sickening crunch as his dragon’s horn dug into the other dragon’s stomach and broke off.
The other dragon thrashed around for a moment before roaring in agony and falling out of the sky. Kiseop turned to see Dongho hauling himself back up onto his dragon’s back. Dongho gave him a quick salute of thanks before disappearing into battle again.
--
Soohyun was across the forest when he saw it happen. Dongho got hit with an arrow and fell forward onto his dragon before gripping the wooden shaft and ripping it out. He was bleeding profusely, but there was nothing Soohyun could do about it now.
Dongho could feel himelf getting hazy with every breath he took. A poisoned arrow. It was making its way through his system with every beat of his heart. He gripped onto the rope in front of him as his vision blurred. He saw something zoom past him and turned to look.
Kiseop was fighting off two dragons at once, his dragon twisting and turning to avoid hits with Kiseop holding on for dear life. He didn’t see the third one coming behind him, mouth opened, preparing to strike.
“I’m not going... to make it... Go...” Dongho said, nudging at his dragon feebly. His dragon let out a low bellow before rushing towards Kiseop.
“Kiseop! Look out!” Dongho yelled with the last of his strength. His grip on his dragon loosened as his mind left him. Kiseop turned in time to see Dongho falling into the forest.
“Dongho! DONGHO!” He spotted the attacking dragon almost too late. Dongho’s dragon shielded Kiseop from the flames with its body before roaring in agony and falling into the forest.
“No! DONGHO!” Soohyun yelled, pulling his dragon towards the burning forest. Kiseop continued to fight off the dragons attacking him, lest Dongho’s sacrifice be in vain.
Soohyun jumped off of his dragon’s back and rolled into the forest, covering his face as the smoke immediately attacked his senses. There were bodies of dead dragons and their tamers everywhere. The flames licked at the trees, and leaves fell as drops of fire.
“Dongho! Where are you?” Soohyun coughed out. It was almost impossible to breathe. The smoke stung at his eyes, but he forced them open, looking for the younger boy.
“Soohyun! Soohyun, get out of there!” he heard Eli call faintly. He heard a roar, and Kevin yell.
“Kevin!” Kiseop managed to dispose of the two dragons before flying towards Kevin.
“No, go! I’ll take care of Kevin! Get Soohyun!” Eli got intercepted on his way to save Kevin. Kiseop could see Xander, Kevin’s dragon, bleeding from the wing. The bone was poking out, and there was no way he could stay in the air for much longer.
Kiseop breathed hard, looking into the forest and over to Kevin before urging his dragon lower over the forest to Soohyun first.
--
Soohyun broke through the fallen bodies and found a clearing full of fire. He saw Dongho’s dragon curled around his body, letting out a low cry of mourning.
“No, no, no! Dongho!” Kiseop dived into the forest the same time a dragon burst through. Its claw clipped at Kiseop’s face, snapping his goggle in half from the nose piece. Kiseop’s hand flew to his face as his vision blurred, wiping blood away from his eyes.
“Get Soohyun. Hurry!” His dragon saw Soohyun running towards the main source of the fire, reaching his arm out for Dongho. There was no way the boy could’ve survived a fall like that.
Kiseop’s dragon wrapped the end of its tail around Soohyun’s waist, shaking slightly as Soohyun struggled against him.
“No, let go of me- he’s right there! He’s right there!” The dragon shot off into the sky and made its way back towards friendly territory. It landed on the ground, letting go of Soohyun as Kiseop slid off of its back.
“What the hell is your problem?!” Soohyun yelled shoving at Kiseop.
“I just saved your life! What the hell is your problem?!” Soohyun gave a yell of frustration before running his hand through his hair. Kiseop let out a sigh and headed toward a medic. The more Soohyun stared at Kiseop, the angrier he got until he eventually ran after the other boy and tackled him into the ground.
“Soohyun-”
“You left him there for dead!” Soohyun punched Kiseop across the face, making the other boy wince before shoving Soohyun off of him.
“He was already dead or else his dragon would’ve save him! You on the other hand were about to die from toxic fumes!” Soohyun tackled him again and flipped him over onto his back, pulling his arm back violently. Kiseop let out a cry of pain as he felt something in his arm snap.
Kiseop’s dragon roared and whipped its tail out, knocking Soohyun away from Kiseop as he groaned in pain on the ground. His dragon stood over him protectively as Kiseop writhed in pain on the ground.
“Soohyun, what the hell are you doing?!” Eli yelled. Soohyun tried to take another swipe at Kiseop, but his dragon roared again, baring teeth. Eli grabbed Soohyun and pulled him back before shoving him onto the ground.
“He’s still in there, he’s still in there, he’s... he’s...”
“He’s gone, Soohyun.”
--
XX05/05/13
--
When Soohyun came to, there was a mask around his face. He was sitting up against a tree near the entrance to the clearing. Kiseop was standing in the middle of the entrance, his hand in the pockets of his pants, mask across his face.
Kiseop glanced back when he heard Soohyun getting up to his feet behind him. He took a few steps into the clearing, where Dongho and his dragon were resting in peace.
The whole area was black save for the spot in the middle. There was a fine white sand there. Soohyun walked up behind Kiseop, leaning onto his good arm as he took in the sight in front of him.
“Dongho and his dragon. May their souls rest in peace,” Kiseop said, closing his eyes and performing the order salute with one arm.
The two stood in silence after that, the wind blowing through gently. The reality of the moment was slowly seeping into Soohyun as he felt his eyes start to sting.
“They’re... He’s... They’re really gone, aren’t they?”
“These are the remains of their ashes.” Kiseop felt Soohyun’s grip on his arm loosen as he fell to his knees. Kiseop squatted down until he was level with Soohyun. He pulled Soohyun toward him and wrapped his good arm around his shoulders as Soohyun buried his face into the crook of Kiseop’s neck and cried.
Kiseop patted his back, gently, whispering reassuring words.
The wind picked up again, blowing away some of the white ashes. Beneath the spot where Dongho died, a small green sprout poked its leaves out.
“Soohyun, stop crying. Look,” he said, pointing towards the sprout. Soohyun removed his face from Kiseop’s shoulder and sniffed a few times before wiping at his eyes. His eyes fell to the small sprout growing in the ashes.
“Where one life ends, a new one begins.”
--
XX06/03/30
--
It took Soohyun a while to adjust to life without Dongho. Since Kiseop was on leave for his injuries, he spent his days training the new recruits. He sighed when he could still win sparring matches against them with one arm.
Sometimes, Soohyun would come by to watch. Kiseop would pretend not to see him until the very end.
When Soohyun disappeared, Kiseop knew he would be at the forest. It took some time, but the rains, the snow, and the wind carried away all the ash and soot, leaving room for new things to grow. The trees that survived the fire were blossoming.
Little by little, Soohyun rearrange the space in his heart. Dongho’s space gradually grew smaller until he tucked it into the corner.
Today, he brought flowers to the small sapling growing where Dongho fell.
“I’ll let go of you today. I know I have to,” Soohyun said to the small sapling. He heard footsteps behind him, making him glance over his shoulder to see Kiseop standing at the entrance to the clearing. Soohyun stood up again before turning on his heel and making his way over to Kiseop.
He could feel that restricting feeling in his chest again as his hand flew up to his heart.
“Breathe in, breathe out,” Kiseop said, gripping his shoulder. Soohyun took a few deep breaths before he felt it loosen.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Soohyun said, glancing back to the spot where he laid the flowers. Images of Dongho flashed through his mind before he shook his head. He still had a few things to sort out before he could answer that question.
As the two left the clearing, Dongho’s laughter echoed through his mind.
Team: AU
Rating: PG - 13
Fandom: U-KISS
Pairing: broken!Soohyun/Dongho, hinted!Soohyun/Kiseop
Summary: Where Soohyun can't let go, and Kiseop tries to help him understand that the world isn't over.
Prompt Used: Beast - Soom
AN;; My 2011 Olymfic! Thanks to my entire team for holding my hand and listening to me whine and cry. Thanks for brainstorming ideas with me, keeping me company, and for general random craziness. I'm so glad I signed up and got to meet all of you! I'm glad we're friends now, and let's stay in touch even though it's over! :3
--
XX05/04/30
--
When he dreamed, he dreamed of The Fire.
“Dongho!”
His voice echoed around him in the darkness, mocking him.
“Dongho!”
He could see the trees now. Their trunks were burnt black in the shape of licking flames.
And then there was The Fire.
It burned across the tops of the trees, sending the leaves falling like a rainstorm of fire.
There he was.
“Dongho!”
The dark silhouette of a dragon loomed behind the boy. Its tail was curled around his body, holding him securely in the flames.
“Dongho!”
He ran for him. The more steps he took, however, the more time seemed to slow down. The flames flickered slowly, beckoning him towards the circle of fire that held Dongho and his dragon.
The sound of rushing wind passed over him. He looked up to see a faint outline of another dragon. His dragon.
“Dongho!”
Dongho’s eyes were open now, a smile on his face. He ran for him, reaching his hand out.
Dongho’s head slumped down again, the ghost of a smile still on his face as the flames burned higher.
“Dongho!”
He felt something curl around his waist before abruptly pulling him up off of the ground. He reached out helplessly for the boy engulfed in the flames below him as a dragon bellowed low.
--
“Soohyun!” Soohyun jerked up into a sitting position, throwing off whatever coverings were on top of him. Breathing hard, he ran his hand through his hair, wiping away the cold sweat from his forehead.
“You were yelling his name again.” Soohyun sighed and ran his hand through his hair, staring off into the distance. The sun was barely rising, and the cold morning air was starting to nip at the bare skin of his chest.
Kiseop didn’t know why Soohyun insisted on sleeping next to the forest. It was burnt black from the last battle, a battle that they barely managed to escape alive. Kiseop’s arm was in a sling, an injury not from the battle, but from Soohyun himself.
Soohyun sighed again as his eyes settled on Kiseop’s sling before moving to the healing scar on his face.
“I’m probably going to get the same answer, but it never hurts to ask. Are you okay?” Kiseop asked, squeezing his shoulder.
“No,” Soohyun said, “I’m not okay.”
--
The Order of Three Thirty was the King’s favorite order of dragon tamers. They were the best of the best, and hardly anyone rose to that order without having extremely good luck or a death wish. They all knew that their days were numbered, but it didn’t stop them from fulfilling their duty.
Soohyun packed up his tent, calling his dragon, Kibum, over and securing his belongings to the large dragon’s back. He pulled his uniform out, a black shirt with a white jacket with two long pointed tails, a gold dragon curling around the sleeve.
He tugged at the collar as it dug into his neck, thinking back to how Dongho used to smirk and make fun of him before batting his hands away, insisting that he’d get used to it.
They were two very different people, Soohyun and Dongho. Soohyun grew up on the streets and took a dragon for a joy ride. Somehow the king was impressed with him and took him off of the streets, offering to train him as a dragon tamer. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain, until he met Dongho.
Dongho grew up as a noble in the castle. He spent his entire life, however short it was, learning to be a dragon tamer. He was good at it, that was for sure, and ended up being the youngest person ever to join the Order of Three Thirty.
Soohyun remembered attending Dongho’s initiation ceremony. A boy his age in the Order of Thirty Three? A death wish for sure.
--
“Soohyun, your collar’s messed up again,” Kiseop said as he ran up behind him, reaching out to pull out the part bent into his neck. Soohyun flinched away from him, hitting Kiseop’s arm away.
“Thanks, I’m fine.” Kiseop stopped walking in the castle passage, staring after Soohyun as he walked away, tails of his coat fluttering in the wind. Kiseop sighed before running his hand through his hair. He turned on his heels and headed down to the Ceremonial Hall, where the initiation ceremony for the new members of the Order of Three Thirty was taking place.
--
Soohyun sat in the middle of the row of the current members of the order. At three and twenty, he was the oldest one, a feat to be admired. None of the order usually survived past the age of twenty, a bitter fact Soohyun knew in the back of his mind.
“And so forth, you shall be bound forever by your duties to the Order of Three Thirty until death parts you from this world.” The two new members kneeled on stage as the King tapped their shoulders with his scepter.
“They sure found replacements pretty fast,” Soohyun heard someone whisper behind him. He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to turn around and correct them. They were new members, not replacements. No one could replace the former members of the order.
--
“Hello, I’m Hoon. It’s nice to meet everyone.” He bowed low as the rest of the members sat down at the table of the meeting hall. Soohyun gave him a look over before glancing at the other new member with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m AJ,” he said with a short wave of his hand, “we’ll be replacing-”
“You’re not replacing anyone,” Soohyun said, cutting him off and giving him an annoyed look.
“Sit down.” AJ gave Soohyun a look of disbelief before sitting down slowly. He looked through their scrolls for their training history. It looked like AJ trained with Eli while Hoon trained with Kevin.
“Where’s Kevin?” Soohyun asked without looking up. He knew the boy would be missing from the meeting. He was always conveniently missing during these meetings.
“Taking care of Xander. The last battle really took a toll on his dragon,” Kiseop said curtly, keeping his eyes on his hands. He was slumped against the back of his chair, his good arm resting on the table, as Soohyun looked up to raise an eyebrow at him. Kiseop never took that tone of voice with him.
--
Kiseop disappeared right after the meeting to discuss battle strategies with their new members. Soohyun didn’t know why, but it was bothering him, the way Kiseop answered him with short, curt answers during the meeting. Soohyun looked around the castle for him, his boots making a dull echoing noise as he walked through the empty castle hallways.
He found Kiseop out on the grounds patching up his dragon’s broken horn. It laid silently on the ground, blinking every now and then as Kiseop wrapped it up with his good arm.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen to you,” Kiseop said softly as he patted his dragon on the head. It answered with a low grumble, knowing that Kiseop did his best to take care of it. Kiseop’s dragon was a little bit smaller than the others in the order, but it was fast and hit hard. Kiseop often found himself on the front lines of battle, dodging bursts of flame and taking out the front line for the rest of the order.
He was overwhelmed the last battle, causing him to make mistakes and get his dragon injured.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get your horn patched up. I was getting stuff fixed on me, too.” His dragon turned its head slightly to look at his arm in a sling. It nudged Kiseop’s arm gently with its nose, as if it were apologizing to him for not being able to protect him either.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, petting its nose, “you should concentrate on getting better. I’ll take you out for a flight later today, okay?” His dragon suddenly shifted, eyes narrowing as Soohyun got closer. It bared its teeth at Soohyun, earning a reprimand from Kiseop. It snorted angrily once before turning its head away.
“How’s your arm?” Soohyun asked, staring at the sling.
“They said it would take months to heal properly, assuming that I did nothing but stay in bed. But since I very well can’t, it’ll take maybe a year or so before I get full use out of it again,” Kiseop said with hard eyes. Soohyun closed his eyes and bit his lip.
“We all loved him, Soohyun. We all still love him. Don’t think you were the only one attached to him. He knew what he was getting into when he joined the order.”
“You don’t understand anything-”
“Just shut up. I understand plenty. You two were in love. You had to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to realize that. I risked my life, I risked my dragon’s life, Kevin’s life, and his dragon’s life to save you, because you were too blind to see that he was gone. And what do I get? This scar across my face. Your resentment. You snapped my elbow clean.” Kiseop’s voice got louder and louder as he finally let out all of his frustrations towards Soohyun.
“Don’t think Dongho was the only one that loved you. He knew he was going to die that day. That’s why he died to save me.” Soohyun stood there and listened. His eyes started to narrow as Kiseop shook his head and walked over to his dragon, grabbing at the rope with his good arm and climbing up onto its back.
“Let’s go,” he yelled to his dragon, kicking its sides with his boots. It stood up, shaking its body slightly to get rid of the feeling of immobility. Soohyun took a few steps back as it unfurled its wings and launched into the air.
For once in his life, Soohyun felt guilty.
--
XX05/05/09
--
Soohyun stood at the edge of the black forest again. Ash lined the ground, and the trees were so forlorn and barren, it was almost like a graveyard. And in a way, it was.
Soohyun took a few steps in, looking around at the fallen tree branches. With each step he took, he felt like his breath was leaving him. His heart pounded louder in his chest as his head started to spin. Halfway into the forest, he fell to his knees, sending ash and soot flying into the air and staining his white jacket.
With each breath he took, it seemed to constrict his chest even further. Black particles swirled around in the air in front of him before getting blown away by a gentle breeze. Soohyun took a few more deep breaths before closing his eyes and slumping to the ground.
--
XX04/08/21
--
“Hey. Wake up. You can’t keep shirking your duties and hiding out here.” Soohyun’s eyes fluttered open. Dongho’s face loomed over his as he nudged him with his boot. Soohyun sat up, rubbing his eyes. The forest floor was soft and green. Sunlight was flooding in through the cracks of the canopy, moving across the ground as a gentle breeze rocked the branches.
“I’ll do what I want,” he said with a smile on his face before rolling over and settling on his stomach.
“Where’s your jacket?” Soohyun pointed over to the neatly folded jacket at the base of one of the trees.
“No way. You folded something properly. I think I’m finally starting to get to you,” Dongho said, squatting down and shoving at his side. Soohyun made a noise of protest before sighing.
“Come on. You know it’s dangerous to be here by yourself. We’re supposed to be discussing battle strategies in case the midland decides to attack.”
“Right, right...” Soohyun rolled over and grabbed Dongho’s arm, pulling the younger boy on top of him and squeezing him tight.
“Soohyun!”
“In a second. I’m comfortable.”
--
XX05/05/09
--
“Soohyun! Soohyun!”
Soohyun jerked awake to the black forest around him. Eli was kneeling beside him with a concerned expression on his face.
“What’re you doing out here? You’re going to get a disease from breathing in all of this,” he said, gesturing around at all the soot and ash. Soohyun groaned and pushed himself up from the ground, opening his mouth to speak. Instead, he coughed until he coughed up what he managed to inhale.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Eli grabbed his arm and called for his dragon. The dragon hovered over the forest, wrapping its tail around the two of them before flying into the sky.
--
“How did you know where I was?” Soohyun asked as the medical examiner looked him over. Eli leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“When we didn’t see you come back at sunset, we got worried. Kiseop told us where you might be.” Soohyun pursed his lips and let out a deep breath.
“You inhaled a lot of soot and ash, but other than that, you should be okay. Try not go back there, your lungs won’t be able to take it. And if you do, because I know you never listen, wear a mask.” Soohyun hopped off of the bed and grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on.
“Where’s Kiseop?”
“His room. He’s just looking out for you,” Eli called after Soohyun as he left the infirmary.
--
Kiseop was asleep when Soohyun slammed the door to his bedroom open. If the slam of the door didn’t wake him up, then the light when Soohyun turned his lamp on did. Soohyun set the lamp down on Kiseop’s nightstand and stood next to his bed.
Kiseop didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t need to.
“... I’m sorry.”
“Apologies don’t fix anything,” Kiseop said quietly, sighing as he shifted to a more comfortable position. His broken arm made it harder to find a comfortable sleeping position these days.
“I’m still sorry.”
“You can be sorry for as long as you want. My arm will still be broken, and Dongho will still be gone.”
--
XX05/05/13
--
Kiseop started to avoid talking to Soohyun. He didn’t follow the older man around anymore or attempt to make light conversation. Kiseop didn’t go looking for him when he disappeared. He didn’t even look at Soohyun during meetings anymore and avoided going to training at the same time. The only time Soohyun could even approach him was when he was taking care of his dragon. And even then, what could he say?
Soohyun found himself at the entrance to the forest again. He took a deep breath outside as the wind picked up again and stepped inside.
Ash and soot billowed into the air again with each step he took. When he could feel his breathing become short again, he gritted his teeth and broke out in a run towards the center of the forest.
He slid to a stop and fell to his knees again when his mind shut down.
--
XX05/03/30
--
The alarm sounded through the castle in the middle of the night. Soohyun almost fell out of his bed before he forced himself awake, dragging his clothes on. By the time he was ready, he joined the crowd of tamers of various orders running towards the field where the dragons were.
They parted for the tamers wearing white. The Order of Three Thirty ran ahead of the others, calling their dragons as soon as clear space was found. Soohyun spotted Dongho jumping onto his dragon’s back as it flew by and soared into the air.
“The midlands are attacking! We can head them off over the forest before they get too close to the town!” Soohyun heard Kevin shout from behind him. More and more dragons rose into the air and took off towards the forest where the enemy would be waiting.
--
Kiseop was waiting at the front, staring off apprehensively into the darkness as his eyes adjusted. He squinted through his goggles, trying to catch a glimpse of anything in the air. Dongho and Eli pulled up on both sides of him, glancing around.
“It’s quiet,” Eli said, looking towards Kiseop.
“Maybe a little bit too quiet.” Kiseop frowned until a rustling in the forest below him caught his eye. There was no wind.
“They’re in the forest!” Kiseop yelled, urging his dragon up.
“Look out!” A burst of flame erupted from the forest, catching the leaves on fire as a hoard of dragons bellowed and burst from the trees. He could hear the shouts from the other side as they rushed them.
Kiseop swore as he was forced back with Dongho and Eli. Soohyun hovered at the front of the defense orders, waiting for a signal. When he saw the burst of flame from the forest, his eyes widened as he saw Dongho, Kiseop, and Eli scatter, and the dragons emerge from the trees.
Soohyun dropped lower, allowing the defense orders to cover the archers. The attack orders rose above them and flew towards the forest. Kibum let out a low growl before shooting towards the forest as Soohyun drew his sword.
Growls, snapping teeth, and bursts of flame were the only things heard along with the cries of people and roars of dragons. Kiseop fought off a particularly large dragon, sweating as a flame passed dangerously close to his head.
He lost his concentration when he heard Dongho yelling behind him. He turned to look, causing his sword to slip. The dragon he was fighting roared and swiped at him. Kiseop’s dragon whipped its tail, connecting with the other dragon’s head and making it roar before falling towards the ground.
“Dongho!” Dongho was hanging precariously from a dangling rope from his dragon. Kiseop saw the dragon flying towards him, aiming for the rope.
“Go, go!” Kiseop’s dragon tried to intercept the other dragon and knock it off of its course but ended up crashing into it. Kiseop heard a sickening crunch as his dragon’s horn dug into the other dragon’s stomach and broke off.
The other dragon thrashed around for a moment before roaring in agony and falling out of the sky. Kiseop turned to see Dongho hauling himself back up onto his dragon’s back. Dongho gave him a quick salute of thanks before disappearing into battle again.
--
Soohyun was across the forest when he saw it happen. Dongho got hit with an arrow and fell forward onto his dragon before gripping the wooden shaft and ripping it out. He was bleeding profusely, but there was nothing Soohyun could do about it now.
Dongho could feel himelf getting hazy with every breath he took. A poisoned arrow. It was making its way through his system with every beat of his heart. He gripped onto the rope in front of him as his vision blurred. He saw something zoom past him and turned to look.
Kiseop was fighting off two dragons at once, his dragon twisting and turning to avoid hits with Kiseop holding on for dear life. He didn’t see the third one coming behind him, mouth opened, preparing to strike.
“I’m not going... to make it... Go...” Dongho said, nudging at his dragon feebly. His dragon let out a low bellow before rushing towards Kiseop.
“Kiseop! Look out!” Dongho yelled with the last of his strength. His grip on his dragon loosened as his mind left him. Kiseop turned in time to see Dongho falling into the forest.
“Dongho! DONGHO!” He spotted the attacking dragon almost too late. Dongho’s dragon shielded Kiseop from the flames with its body before roaring in agony and falling into the forest.
“No! DONGHO!” Soohyun yelled, pulling his dragon towards the burning forest. Kiseop continued to fight off the dragons attacking him, lest Dongho’s sacrifice be in vain.
Soohyun jumped off of his dragon’s back and rolled into the forest, covering his face as the smoke immediately attacked his senses. There were bodies of dead dragons and their tamers everywhere. The flames licked at the trees, and leaves fell as drops of fire.
“Dongho! Where are you?” Soohyun coughed out. It was almost impossible to breathe. The smoke stung at his eyes, but he forced them open, looking for the younger boy.
“Soohyun! Soohyun, get out of there!” he heard Eli call faintly. He heard a roar, and Kevin yell.
“Kevin!” Kiseop managed to dispose of the two dragons before flying towards Kevin.
“No, go! I’ll take care of Kevin! Get Soohyun!” Eli got intercepted on his way to save Kevin. Kiseop could see Xander, Kevin’s dragon, bleeding from the wing. The bone was poking out, and there was no way he could stay in the air for much longer.
Kiseop breathed hard, looking into the forest and over to Kevin before urging his dragon lower over the forest to Soohyun first.
--
Soohyun broke through the fallen bodies and found a clearing full of fire. He saw Dongho’s dragon curled around his body, letting out a low cry of mourning.
“No, no, no! Dongho!” Kiseop dived into the forest the same time a dragon burst through. Its claw clipped at Kiseop’s face, snapping his goggle in half from the nose piece. Kiseop’s hand flew to his face as his vision blurred, wiping blood away from his eyes.
“Get Soohyun. Hurry!” His dragon saw Soohyun running towards the main source of the fire, reaching his arm out for Dongho. There was no way the boy could’ve survived a fall like that.
Kiseop’s dragon wrapped the end of its tail around Soohyun’s waist, shaking slightly as Soohyun struggled against him.
“No, let go of me- he’s right there! He’s right there!” The dragon shot off into the sky and made its way back towards friendly territory. It landed on the ground, letting go of Soohyun as Kiseop slid off of its back.
“What the hell is your problem?!” Soohyun yelled shoving at Kiseop.
“I just saved your life! What the hell is your problem?!” Soohyun gave a yell of frustration before running his hand through his hair. Kiseop let out a sigh and headed toward a medic. The more Soohyun stared at Kiseop, the angrier he got until he eventually ran after the other boy and tackled him into the ground.
“Soohyun-”
“You left him there for dead!” Soohyun punched Kiseop across the face, making the other boy wince before shoving Soohyun off of him.
“He was already dead or else his dragon would’ve save him! You on the other hand were about to die from toxic fumes!” Soohyun tackled him again and flipped him over onto his back, pulling his arm back violently. Kiseop let out a cry of pain as he felt something in his arm snap.
Kiseop’s dragon roared and whipped its tail out, knocking Soohyun away from Kiseop as he groaned in pain on the ground. His dragon stood over him protectively as Kiseop writhed in pain on the ground.
“Soohyun, what the hell are you doing?!” Eli yelled. Soohyun tried to take another swipe at Kiseop, but his dragon roared again, baring teeth. Eli grabbed Soohyun and pulled him back before shoving him onto the ground.
“He’s still in there, he’s still in there, he’s... he’s...”
“He’s gone, Soohyun.”
--
XX05/05/13
--
When Soohyun came to, there was a mask around his face. He was sitting up against a tree near the entrance to the clearing. Kiseop was standing in the middle of the entrance, his hand in the pockets of his pants, mask across his face.
Kiseop glanced back when he heard Soohyun getting up to his feet behind him. He took a few steps into the clearing, where Dongho and his dragon were resting in peace.
The whole area was black save for the spot in the middle. There was a fine white sand there. Soohyun walked up behind Kiseop, leaning onto his good arm as he took in the sight in front of him.
“Dongho and his dragon. May their souls rest in peace,” Kiseop said, closing his eyes and performing the order salute with one arm.
The two stood in silence after that, the wind blowing through gently. The reality of the moment was slowly seeping into Soohyun as he felt his eyes start to sting.
“They’re... He’s... They’re really gone, aren’t they?”
“These are the remains of their ashes.” Kiseop felt Soohyun’s grip on his arm loosen as he fell to his knees. Kiseop squatted down until he was level with Soohyun. He pulled Soohyun toward him and wrapped his good arm around his shoulders as Soohyun buried his face into the crook of Kiseop’s neck and cried.
Kiseop patted his back, gently, whispering reassuring words.
The wind picked up again, blowing away some of the white ashes. Beneath the spot where Dongho died, a small green sprout poked its leaves out.
“Soohyun, stop crying. Look,” he said, pointing towards the sprout. Soohyun removed his face from Kiseop’s shoulder and sniffed a few times before wiping at his eyes. His eyes fell to the small sprout growing in the ashes.
“Where one life ends, a new one begins.”
--
XX06/03/30
--
It took Soohyun a while to adjust to life without Dongho. Since Kiseop was on leave for his injuries, he spent his days training the new recruits. He sighed when he could still win sparring matches against them with one arm.
Sometimes, Soohyun would come by to watch. Kiseop would pretend not to see him until the very end.
When Soohyun disappeared, Kiseop knew he would be at the forest. It took some time, but the rains, the snow, and the wind carried away all the ash and soot, leaving room for new things to grow. The trees that survived the fire were blossoming.
Little by little, Soohyun rearrange the space in his heart. Dongho’s space gradually grew smaller until he tucked it into the corner.
Today, he brought flowers to the small sapling growing where Dongho fell.
“I’ll let go of you today. I know I have to,” Soohyun said to the small sapling. He heard footsteps behind him, making him glance over his shoulder to see Kiseop standing at the entrance to the clearing. Soohyun stood up again before turning on his heel and making his way over to Kiseop.
He could feel that restricting feeling in his chest again as his hand flew up to his heart.
“Breathe in, breathe out,” Kiseop said, gripping his shoulder. Soohyun took a few deep breaths before he felt it loosen.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Soohyun said, glancing back to the spot where he laid the flowers. Images of Dongho flashed through his mind before he shook his head. He still had a few things to sort out before he could answer that question.
As the two left the clearing, Dongho’s laughter echoed through his mind.