my dreams are making me anxious

[piixiestx3]

ok. so a copy of napoleon dynamite mysteriously appeared in my house. I just noticed it today when I was looking for a holiday movie to watch after playing scrabble for a very long time. There it was, sitting on the table. How did it get there? Who put it there? Apparently, nobody knows. It's a total mystery. It's messing with my head really bad. I keep having these dreams about death and how you don't really even know when your dead. When you die, you don't know you die because you don't remember dying, and you look exactly the same. You have the same life you've always had. Some people are alive and some are dead. Then some force tells you that you have died and now this is your life and that only some people, the dead not the living, can see you. Now you know why no one has been talking to you. It's because they can't see you. They can't hear you. Only the dead can, and thats how youknow who is living and who is dead. But you are only like this for a while, until you get sucked into this blue-white vacuum when you go from Earth to somewhere else entirely. This is when you find out that everything you thought was real was fake. Everything you thought was life and death was all made up. Every person every word everyone said every piece of nature you invented it all. It was just a dream and you are just an idea. You are not a person. You made up people. You made up animals and nature and weather and water. You made up wars and crime and violence and hate. You made up every occupation and every law. You made up history and life and death, you made up words and religion and faith and hate and love. You did it all. you made up time. You were not you or what you thought you were. You were an idea. It was only the dream of an idea, and the idea of a dream. Where everything meant something, but nothing means anything because there isn't even any meaning to be made.

Then I thought for a while about how, if one third of your life is spent sleeping, how is your life in dreams not any more valid then your life the other two thirds of the time? What makes this two thirds real and the other one third made up or fake? Who is to say that it's not the other way around, if any way at all?

On another note, most people get three weeks off from school. Due to my transfer, I get almost six weeks! Also, I finally had an interview last thursday, and I might have messed it up because I have trouble controling my laughter at inappropriate moments. Maybe she thought I had a sense of humor? Maybe , maybe not. I'll find out soon enough!