(no subject)
It's hitting me that I'm leaving in less than two weeks...I don't want to leave. I can't say goodbye to my family, friends, work, mike..I LOVE this summer. I've learned so much..I've grown so much. I'm just not ready to leave or even change. I promise myself I'll come home as much as I can, but things will still be a million times different. It's something everyone has to go through at one point so I know I have to suck it up and just go through with it. But when that day comes I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel..just don't even want to think about it :( On another note it hit me last night that the weirdest thing that can happen to any person is the feeling you get after you lose someone who was such a huge part of your life. I'm not the type of person to get attached to people or even really care..but there is and have been a few people I would do anything for. People who changed my life and made me who I am-whether negatively or positively. It's so hard to understand how someone can be so important to me for so long..and then a few years later they're out of my life completely..almost as if we don't even exist to eachother anymore. Cam was the only and most important person in my life for 3 years and now its hard for me to remember the small things..the way he smiled or laughed..i haven't seen him in 3 months..longest I have ever gone without seeing him. I can't complain it's what I wanted..and I'm okay with it but it's just so weird to me. And you were my best friend and I talk about you and miss you everyday..but I think it's serious this time and I can't make you change. I know that I have a bad temper and I can be selfish sometimes but this time I am 100 percent right. You're fucking up my last two weeks here..you won't see me nearly as much as you'll see him but that's where you have to realize you're wrong. One thing I learned is never choose or make more time for a boyfriend over a best friend. I can't forgive you and we'll probably go away not talking. I'm not okay with it but the fact that you could even do that to me, out of EVERYONE, really really hurt. That's all I have to say about that. Hopefully when i come back home I'll be able to hangout with all my old friends and my new friends and maybe even mike.. :(