We Play Our Part
It’s humid and cold today.
Trying to get perspective on the storms and doldrums of these past years.
Where We Went and What We Did : ..GF is an Ever-ready Bunny
Our immediate vehicle concerns now behind us, with the snow now melted, the rain starting to ebb, Nana GF wanted to get a head start on summer, and visit her critters, to young grandkids, whom she hasn’t seen since Christmas, and take them a load of food and clothes and leftover presents, which she’s been gathering from after-xmas sales.
This time we met up with them at a picnic lake area between here and there, nearer to where her daughter lives. The lake is still frozen over with thin ice, although the snow is all gone. So a quick picnic in the fog by a beach, and the brood went for a walk in the wood, around the lake. I stayed with the van, as the air was too cold for my face nerve, so I stayed behind. As usual GF has Nana overkill in her blood, with too many gifts and food at the picnic with seconds for take home, she has done all she can out of love to bring comfort to them, between times we see them. She likely wishes she could be a full time Nana living with them 24/7, but that would be smothering. One time we tried to stay over and visit and were worn tired from a day of constant activity. As usual, I’m along for the ride, driving Miss Crazy, as it were. Thankful for her road pair of eyes helping maneuver through heavy traffic. It’s an exhausting trip. With the past lockdowns, with all the restrictions and changes, I feel like an old hen-pecked husband, who’s taken for granted, more than a friend, despite our individual independence to get through this dystopic existence. We’ve been close business partners over the past 15 years. All the more power to us! Fuck the world.
Now, I hate heavy traffic, having spent 15 years traveling in sales, I sold my vehicle back in ’96 and took the bus to go back to university to get my art degree. When I met GF, I ended up driving her to places and running errands with the business we shared, so I ended up driving again.
Whoever invented fire, needs to burn in hell
For creating infernal combustion engines
The idiot that created the wheel
Needs to be chained to a merry-go-round,
until his malleable corpse be tied to a rim
and used as a tire, flip-flopping on the pavement
down some lost highway, under pressure in rush hour,
until there is nothing left but pemican husk. ~psp
1) I hate heavy traffic, it’s gotten exponentially worse over the years
2) I hate multi-tasking in too many directions, and scheduling and priorizing over too many to-dos.
3) I hate being taken of my own projects to fix other people’s problems. I’ve just done too much of this over the years.
Yes, I’m good at it, good and tired of constantly doing this and that. I spent 15 years as I said, driving, negotiating, another 15 doing carpentry and small repair, fixing and problem-solving for others. I’m quite sick of doing for others. I need time, a holiday or break for myself, without someone misdirecting my non-existing schedule. Sounds like a paradox, I know, but that’s how I feel. On the other hand GF just keeps on running like the Ever ready bunny. Here I am ranting, while she’s making breakfast, cooking is her love language, which is why she makes those big picnics for the munchkins.
So they returned from the walk, with the intent of dropping in to the local town for GF to get teas for her salon clients, explore some local shops and further spoil the grandsons. The lads traveled with us in the “new” old van, the first passengers we’ve had in years, to properly break in the clean carpets and seats, complete with child seat for the youngest. GF went with them to a used toy store, which the little one couldn’t stop going on about. Ironically the shop is called Kaos, reflective of the young one’s behavior, filled with repurposed kids clothing and toys. I didn’t say anything. I tend to stay out of it. It’s her family and her business. I’m just driving Miss Crazy, is the way I look at it. I’m the chauffeur with lifetime driving experience, just a passenger of life, on the train of change.
The sun had now come out for the afternoon. I stayed in the the van tending my nerve pain, while they did yet another walkabout. Catching the sun in town, after the fog at the lake. Sitting and contemplating how lucky I am, how grateful I feel. If I didn’t have GF, I’d have little to do and nothing to journal about. Maybe just make some boring art. It’s been a life-changing experience, the past 4 years returning back to domestic shared space, help gardening, my nerve pain is in my right upper jaw sharp as electric shock or pins and needles, generally less mobile, coping with shortages and urgencies, fixing old vehicles, blogging, listening to music (until Google censored the internet by monetizing everything, commercialized YT and killed creative content and outlet). With no idea what the next step will be. Maybe WWIII…
Some people see life as the glass half full. I’ve come to view it as a glass half-empty. Stupid worries, like in 60,000 km we need to redo the brakes, again. Or new tires, again. It’s fucking winter again! When will my nerve flare up again. Three years later and I still haven’t gotten my studio functional. GF is already planning her next growing season of gardening. I gratefully embrace that and all she manifests in my life of attrition. Fighting my face pain is debilitating. Life simply progresses day by day on an as needs basis. GF sees everything as a blessing. I do too, but on a deeper level I see death creeping in and forcing us to change and deteriorate as we age. I am not the man I used to be. When I was younger I had energy and vivacity. Dog with a bone, I still get things done, when I focus on it.
Living through GFs son’s illness and departure, changed me terribly. I’ve not been that close to illness and death before. Then came Covid, whatever the fuck that was - depopulation bio-weapon? He’s lucky he wasn’t here to deal with that on top of his psychosis. My mom died last year, the last of her era in my circle of life. I don’t connect with old relatives. I have little in common with them. They would be a fatal distraction from me finding time to do art. I feel flattened. All I have energy for now is to listen to music and journal, and even that seems overwhelming. So I just go along to get along. No ideas left as to how to change it.
Running a business for the past 15 years, entrepreneurial, weaving too many hats from plumber to carpenter, janitor, internet tech, bookkeeping, reception, advertising, admin, from cleaning toilets to small equipment repair and changing lightbulbs, pretty much as I do now, as domestic engineer. Sharing a space with GF, where she does hair and I have a home studio at an affordable level of cost share. This has multiplied the demands on me over the years.
.Searching of the heart
dr. π (pi)
.
Trying to get perspective on the storms and doldrums of these past years.
Where We Went and What We Did : ..GF is an Ever-ready Bunny
Our immediate vehicle concerns now behind us, with the snow now melted, the rain starting to ebb, Nana GF wanted to get a head start on summer, and visit her critters, to young grandkids, whom she hasn’t seen since Christmas, and take them a load of food and clothes and leftover presents, which she’s been gathering from after-xmas sales.
This time we met up with them at a picnic lake area between here and there, nearer to where her daughter lives. The lake is still frozen over with thin ice, although the snow is all gone. So a quick picnic in the fog by a beach, and the brood went for a walk in the wood, around the lake. I stayed with the van, as the air was too cold for my face nerve, so I stayed behind. As usual GF has Nana overkill in her blood, with too many gifts and food at the picnic with seconds for take home, she has done all she can out of love to bring comfort to them, between times we see them. She likely wishes she could be a full time Nana living with them 24/7, but that would be smothering. One time we tried to stay over and visit and were worn tired from a day of constant activity. As usual, I’m along for the ride, driving Miss Crazy, as it were. Thankful for her road pair of eyes helping maneuver through heavy traffic. It’s an exhausting trip. With the past lockdowns, with all the restrictions and changes, I feel like an old hen-pecked husband, who’s taken for granted, more than a friend, despite our individual independence to get through this dystopic existence. We’ve been close business partners over the past 15 years. All the more power to us! Fuck the world.
Now, I hate heavy traffic, having spent 15 years traveling in sales, I sold my vehicle back in ’96 and took the bus to go back to university to get my art degree. When I met GF, I ended up driving her to places and running errands with the business we shared, so I ended up driving again.
Whoever invented fire, needs to burn in hell
For creating infernal combustion engines
The idiot that created the wheel
Needs to be chained to a merry-go-round,
until his malleable corpse be tied to a rim
and used as a tire, flip-flopping on the pavement
down some lost highway, under pressure in rush hour,
until there is nothing left but pemican husk. ~psp
1) I hate heavy traffic, it’s gotten exponentially worse over the years
2) I hate multi-tasking in too many directions, and scheduling and priorizing over too many to-dos.
3) I hate being taken of my own projects to fix other people’s problems. I’ve just done too much of this over the years.
Yes, I’m good at it, good and tired of constantly doing this and that. I spent 15 years as I said, driving, negotiating, another 15 doing carpentry and small repair, fixing and problem-solving for others. I’m quite sick of doing for others. I need time, a holiday or break for myself, without someone misdirecting my non-existing schedule. Sounds like a paradox, I know, but that’s how I feel. On the other hand GF just keeps on running like the Ever ready bunny. Here I am ranting, while she’s making breakfast, cooking is her love language, which is why she makes those big picnics for the munchkins.
So they returned from the walk, with the intent of dropping in to the local town for GF to get teas for her salon clients, explore some local shops and further spoil the grandsons. The lads traveled with us in the “new” old van, the first passengers we’ve had in years, to properly break in the clean carpets and seats, complete with child seat for the youngest. GF went with them to a used toy store, which the little one couldn’t stop going on about. Ironically the shop is called Kaos, reflective of the young one’s behavior, filled with repurposed kids clothing and toys. I didn’t say anything. I tend to stay out of it. It’s her family and her business. I’m just driving Miss Crazy, is the way I look at it. I’m the chauffeur with lifetime driving experience, just a passenger of life, on the train of change.
The sun had now come out for the afternoon. I stayed in the the van tending my nerve pain, while they did yet another walkabout. Catching the sun in town, after the fog at the lake. Sitting and contemplating how lucky I am, how grateful I feel. If I didn’t have GF, I’d have little to do and nothing to journal about. Maybe just make some boring art. It’s been a life-changing experience, the past 4 years returning back to domestic shared space, help gardening, my nerve pain is in my right upper jaw sharp as electric shock or pins and needles, generally less mobile, coping with shortages and urgencies, fixing old vehicles, blogging, listening to music (until Google censored the internet by monetizing everything, commercialized YT and killed creative content and outlet). With no idea what the next step will be. Maybe WWIII…
Some people see life as the glass half full. I’ve come to view it as a glass half-empty. Stupid worries, like in 60,000 km we need to redo the brakes, again. Or new tires, again. It’s fucking winter again! When will my nerve flare up again. Three years later and I still haven’t gotten my studio functional. GF is already planning her next growing season of gardening. I gratefully embrace that and all she manifests in my life of attrition. Fighting my face pain is debilitating. Life simply progresses day by day on an as needs basis. GF sees everything as a blessing. I do too, but on a deeper level I see death creeping in and forcing us to change and deteriorate as we age. I am not the man I used to be. When I was younger I had energy and vivacity. Dog with a bone, I still get things done, when I focus on it.
Living through GFs son’s illness and departure, changed me terribly. I’ve not been that close to illness and death before. Then came Covid, whatever the fuck that was - depopulation bio-weapon? He’s lucky he wasn’t here to deal with that on top of his psychosis. My mom died last year, the last of her era in my circle of life. I don’t connect with old relatives. I have little in common with them. They would be a fatal distraction from me finding time to do art. I feel flattened. All I have energy for now is to listen to music and journal, and even that seems overwhelming. So I just go along to get along. No ideas left as to how to change it.
Running a business for the past 15 years, entrepreneurial, weaving too many hats from plumber to carpenter, janitor, internet tech, bookkeeping, reception, advertising, admin, from cleaning toilets to small equipment repair and changing lightbulbs, pretty much as I do now, as domestic engineer. Sharing a space with GF, where she does hair and I have a home studio at an affordable level of cost share. This has multiplied the demands on me over the years.
.Searching of the heart
dr. π (pi)
.