Today is Accident Prone Proceed With Caution When Crossing the Street
GF and I had the tiresome verbal exchange of her not having her needs met. What needs?
What needs? What orders? Everything is news to me!
What kind of fuckery is this?
GF tells me that she believes Nardella is not drinking. But Nardo is.. So this is his/her natural obnoxious self?
This is typically what happens.. there's a knock at my bedroom door. She tells me not to interrupt what she has to say. Then proceeds to rant on what yesterday was like for her or the past week has been and where I am failing due ot my disability. Although she doesn't see my need for self care extends beyond her needs. She's like a bad queen, demanding to know where I've been. I've been doing everything that she hasn't in the background holding this ship together. And deal with a war general shouting attack orders in the living room all the live long day! She reprimanded Nardo for commandeering the house as central battle operations with disregard for other's needs, including her need to use the internet on our limited expensive non-wifi package. Due to health reasons we are hardwired with ethernet. Works for me.. She tells me that he will stay out of my way today so I can rest and recover from yesterday. I'm always willing to juggle schedules, but for one thing. There is no communication, only accusation that I am somehow interfering with them in trying to include my needs for health recovery. WTF? What am I supposed to do with that. No "thank you" for alerting the Homeowners association and resident to the advent of a 45 ft cell tower only 12 ft away from our business lease and residential living spaces of residents and other businesses. The safe guideline is 200 meters away from living spaces. In the process I am being made wrong because the issue is only arguable on outdated land use utility bylaws and property values affected by the change, in open disregard for health issues from the technical disease. The non-existant health guidelines are based on old WWII military radar RF technology, not the microwave digital technology that has appeared recently. Three things, proximity to signal, strength of signal, and duration of exposure. Think of UV and sunburn. If you are exposed to close high radiation for long periods, what does that give you? Third degree burns? Where am I to go with this?
Further down the rabbit hole, from the communications I've generated, people are taking action and nobody has reported back to me, each is taking their own initiatives and I hear about developments through third parties. Similar to her conveying to me second hand information regarding Nardo, her son on disability. So where does that leave me? Emails are answered impersonally and in good time. Trying to get the attention of someone I used to work with and lived with for ten years now, is becoming impossible. GF doesn't speak to me unless she has something to reprimand me (and frankly, her son similarly). We aren't allowed to speak when spoken to, with the exception that she approaches the Nardo gingerly asking delicate questions and massaging the answers that she wants to hear like an over controlling mother. I am out of the picture. Wanting a to do list, I am considered interruptive to her busy schedule, yet indispensable when it comes to signing off on errands and completing tasks behind the scene. So I'm dealing with a one-way street, the street of broken dreams...
As I was warming up the vehicle to drive her to work this morning, I witness Nardo coming out of the house and marching around the side to dispose of what seemed to me to be a spent liquor bottle under his shirt to hide outside in the recycle, knowing "mummy" will never check for that, since she is basically trusting that he is self-determining. Bullshit. He only puts on a facade for her, and has learned to ignore me. So, I understand how his carnival playing father felt being shunned by Nardo/Nardella. She tells me this morning that she is adamant that he is not drinking. Not in front of her at least. Fuck.
When this 35 year old man is playing army general on his X-box in the living room steadily shouting out loud orders to kill attack and defend, I am uncertain if he is drunk, at all approachable, or simply bored and venting his frustrations, like I do when I scream at the universe for stupid shit in privacy of an empty vehicle in some isolated place. So I am looking at the communication problem from a personal perspective, why I try to avoid conflict and get so angry after people can't understand what I have to go through to help others, the hoops I jump for them.
GF has not thanked me for my efforts with the cell tower without my reflecting on it. Yet she and her EMF sensitive clients are the reason reason I am doing this. Instead of giving me a directive on how I can help get her through this, she tells me that both my presence and my absence around her and her clients is somehow devastating. I agree. Devastating me. I understand that she can't see past her pain. I am familiar with how that works in me. I acknowledge what she says and bring up what I want to ask her, but she is so oversensitive that she jumps on me for interrupting her while she vents on me.
I am failing friends on other fronts, not able to follow through and when I try to communicate my situation, just sound like some whiny victim. So I deal with it. Personally. They never know what I juggle for the multiple hats I used to wear. Art tutorial, art commissions, salon backup, graphic design, carpentry and repair, business management, just call me jack, Jack of all trades.
"What we have here is a failure to communicate!" - Coolhand Luke 1:25 min
And it's all because of me, I guess..
Meanwhile I witness Nardo coming out of the house and going around the side to dispose of what seemed to me to be
a spent liquor bottle outside into the recycle, knowing "mummy" will never check for that. But he's not drinking,
not at the moment...
dr. π (pi)
.
What needs? What orders? Everything is news to me!
What kind of fuckery is this?
GF tells me that she believes Nardella is not drinking. But Nardo is.. So this is his/her natural obnoxious self?
This is typically what happens.. there's a knock at my bedroom door. She tells me not to interrupt what she has to say. Then proceeds to rant on what yesterday was like for her or the past week has been and where I am failing due ot my disability. Although she doesn't see my need for self care extends beyond her needs. She's like a bad queen, demanding to know where I've been. I've been doing everything that she hasn't in the background holding this ship together. And deal with a war general shouting attack orders in the living room all the live long day! She reprimanded Nardo for commandeering the house as central battle operations with disregard for other's needs, including her need to use the internet on our limited expensive non-wifi package. Due to health reasons we are hardwired with ethernet. Works for me.. She tells me that he will stay out of my way today so I can rest and recover from yesterday. I'm always willing to juggle schedules, but for one thing. There is no communication, only accusation that I am somehow interfering with them in trying to include my needs for health recovery. WTF? What am I supposed to do with that. No "thank you" for alerting the Homeowners association and resident to the advent of a 45 ft cell tower only 12 ft away from our business lease and residential living spaces of residents and other businesses. The safe guideline is 200 meters away from living spaces. In the process I am being made wrong because the issue is only arguable on outdated land use utility bylaws and property values affected by the change, in open disregard for health issues from the technical disease. The non-existant health guidelines are based on old WWII military radar RF technology, not the microwave digital technology that has appeared recently. Three things, proximity to signal, strength of signal, and duration of exposure. Think of UV and sunburn. If you are exposed to close high radiation for long periods, what does that give you? Third degree burns? Where am I to go with this?
Further down the rabbit hole, from the communications I've generated, people are taking action and nobody has reported back to me, each is taking their own initiatives and I hear about developments through third parties. Similar to her conveying to me second hand information regarding Nardo, her son on disability. So where does that leave me? Emails are answered impersonally and in good time. Trying to get the attention of someone I used to work with and lived with for ten years now, is becoming impossible. GF doesn't speak to me unless she has something to reprimand me (and frankly, her son similarly). We aren't allowed to speak when spoken to, with the exception that she approaches the Nardo gingerly asking delicate questions and massaging the answers that she wants to hear like an over controlling mother. I am out of the picture. Wanting a to do list, I am considered interruptive to her busy schedule, yet indispensable when it comes to signing off on errands and completing tasks behind the scene. So I'm dealing with a one-way street, the street of broken dreams...
As I was warming up the vehicle to drive her to work this morning, I witness Nardo coming out of the house and marching around the side to dispose of what seemed to me to be a spent liquor bottle under his shirt to hide outside in the recycle, knowing "mummy" will never check for that, since she is basically trusting that he is self-determining. Bullshit. He only puts on a facade for her, and has learned to ignore me. So, I understand how his carnival playing father felt being shunned by Nardo/Nardella. She tells me this morning that she is adamant that he is not drinking. Not in front of her at least. Fuck.
When this 35 year old man is playing army general on his X-box in the living room steadily shouting out loud orders to kill attack and defend, I am uncertain if he is drunk, at all approachable, or simply bored and venting his frustrations, like I do when I scream at the universe for stupid shit in privacy of an empty vehicle in some isolated place. So I am looking at the communication problem from a personal perspective, why I try to avoid conflict and get so angry after people can't understand what I have to go through to help others, the hoops I jump for them.
GF has not thanked me for my efforts with the cell tower without my reflecting on it. Yet she and her EMF sensitive clients are the reason reason I am doing this. Instead of giving me a directive on how I can help get her through this, she tells me that both my presence and my absence around her and her clients is somehow devastating. I agree. Devastating me. I understand that she can't see past her pain. I am familiar with how that works in me. I acknowledge what she says and bring up what I want to ask her, but she is so oversensitive that she jumps on me for interrupting her while she vents on me.
I am failing friends on other fronts, not able to follow through and when I try to communicate my situation, just sound like some whiny victim. So I deal with it. Personally. They never know what I juggle for the multiple hats I used to wear. Art tutorial, art commissions, salon backup, graphic design, carpentry and repair, business management, just call me jack, Jack of all trades.
"What we have here is a failure to communicate!" - Coolhand Luke 1:25 min
Click to viewAnd it's all because of me, I guess..
Meanwhile I witness Nardo coming out of the house and going around the side to dispose of what seemed to me to be
a spent liquor bottle outside into the recycle, knowing "mummy" will never check for that. But he's not drinking,
not at the moment...
dr. π (pi)
.