Highway to my Heart
I just cut up 2 x 5ft x 5ft canvases in my John Lennon series. I hope I won't live to regret it. I am inflamed at the bullshit it takes me to
survive in my fucking pain day by day, pay the goddam bills, rent and medical expenses.
Fed up with Meidocrity
Yesterday was fucking torture. I stayed at my son’s condo Thursday night. He lives near the hospital where my heart test was scheduled at 6am, I would be able to take a cab to get there on time for the procedure. And, most important, I got to see my grand daughter briefly. They agreed to turn off the wifi so I could sleep. Regardless, they live in a condo and even without his wifi, there are 8 neighbouring fields still on in the vicinity, and the building power grid that acts as an antenna to boost all the signals for 8 hours while I tried to sleep. For those who are unaware, I am EME hypersensitive. I experience symptoms of fatigue and pain from high electro magnetics fields. I have been experiencing face pain again for the last 2 months. EMF aggravates it. I awoke every hour with my heart racing from the electrical fields in the condo, then tried to sleep again, but that kept waking me all night, until it was finally time to go, and went down to meet the cab, while the rest of the family was still asleep.
I arrived in minutes and found my way in the hospital to sign in and get to the ward where they prepared me for the angiogram. fasting for 24 hours, stripped down to an operating gown, I refused the pain killer sedatives, I did not agree to allow them to insert stints, even if they found any blockages, I said I wanted time to think about it. I have an integrated doctor and wish to treat it with diet and exercise. They agreed. accepting the stints meant to include blood thinning medications that have adverse side effects, or the stints become blocked and lead to a heart attack. I was confused, but I refused, so they just did the test. needless to say I had not clue what I was in for. It’s all pretty methodical, like moving a widget down the assembly line of nurses and aids, who are highly methodical into the operating room, filling my arteries with some radioactive shit and taking x-rays. It was like assembling something from ikea with instructions in 6 languages. many of the other patients were immigrants who spoke punjabi and Chinese, one nurse spoke Romanian, it’s a fucking circus comedy. But as anyone who has been to a hospital may know, there is always that one individual, a true and caring healer, a beautiful nurse who is a true caregiver. She was friendly and gentle, tall attractive short haired and blonde, just my type, and twenty something, be still my beating heart! She smiled her genuine cat eye smile, and that’s when I knew everything would be alright. And it was, except for the discomfort of having some rubber tube shoved up my arm through my artery and the burning sensation of the fluid injection in my body during the procedure. In Canada, this medieval torture is covered by medicare.
It was very uncomfortable, but not excruciatingly so. I now think I know what it might feel like for a woman to be raped, to have her body invaded by some foreign object by some fucking doctor shoving his catheter dick into my body, to take pictures of my heart, just to prove to me that everything is normal. There are no major blockages, they only found one spot with a 20-40% blockage typical for my age and not requiring a stint. Blood pressure and heart rate are normal, except for the extra 300 beats per hour that my heart is producing. Staying at my son’s I wasn’t able to use the tesla mat in the morning to normalize my heart rate. they had put an IV on one arm and the catheter tube on the other. So I was unable to move or go to the washroom until it was over. Preparation took an hour, the procedure took 20 minutes and they monitored me for 2 hours after. Because I was not medicated, I was released on my own recognizance. Other patients need to be accompanied by someone through the procedure and taken home afterward by car. Although the patient is not allowed to leave by themselves, nor drive after the procedure, because I had no medication and felt relatively mobile, I convinced them to let me take the local skytrain to the last station and have my friend in the next city pick me up from there and drive me home..
And that was the end of that, except for recovery, which took the rest of the day and into today. Although I had to move slowly and only had the use of my left arm, it was imperative not to use the arm with the bandage from the catheter tube, as it was stopping the opened artery from bleeding and if disturbed could start bleeding profusely, in which case I would have to apply heavy pressure to the wrist and go to another emergency ward to stop the bleeding. I have to leave the bandage on 24 hours before changing it, without shower or bath, so as not to disturb the scab so that the wound can heal properly. I'm only allowed to shower, not to bath for the next week so as not to aggravate the wound. Here is the image of the map of the highway to my heart for anyone who is interested to see what makes me tick.
So in spite of being physically compromised today I had to run errands for rent and utilities, in spite of the ongoing pain in my face.
The wind came up and started to rain, it’s beginning to rain, and Sunday it’s supposed to rain all day.
One 5x5 ft blank canvas cost about $250 each. Add paint and time to paint, I just threw away a couple thousand dollars worth of effort.
If you don't like it, you can go to Prague to the Lennon Wall to cry.
Prague, The Lennon Wall, John Lennon, rest in pieces..
This weekend is the local studio tour for artists. It will probably be a washout with the weather like it is. I'm not going to open the gallery
tomorrow for tourists. They can go fuck themselves. As for John Lennon, may he rest in pieces, cut up on my studio floor.
And that's all I've got to say about that.
.
survive in my fucking pain day by day, pay the goddam bills, rent and medical expenses.
Fed up with Meidocrity
Yesterday was fucking torture. I stayed at my son’s condo Thursday night. He lives near the hospital where my heart test was scheduled at 6am, I would be able to take a cab to get there on time for the procedure. And, most important, I got to see my grand daughter briefly. They agreed to turn off the wifi so I could sleep. Regardless, they live in a condo and even without his wifi, there are 8 neighbouring fields still on in the vicinity, and the building power grid that acts as an antenna to boost all the signals for 8 hours while I tried to sleep. For those who are unaware, I am EME hypersensitive. I experience symptoms of fatigue and pain from high electro magnetics fields. I have been experiencing face pain again for the last 2 months. EMF aggravates it. I awoke every hour with my heart racing from the electrical fields in the condo, then tried to sleep again, but that kept waking me all night, until it was finally time to go, and went down to meet the cab, while the rest of the family was still asleep.
I arrived in minutes and found my way in the hospital to sign in and get to the ward where they prepared me for the angiogram. fasting for 24 hours, stripped down to an operating gown, I refused the pain killer sedatives, I did not agree to allow them to insert stints, even if they found any blockages, I said I wanted time to think about it. I have an integrated doctor and wish to treat it with diet and exercise. They agreed. accepting the stints meant to include blood thinning medications that have adverse side effects, or the stints become blocked and lead to a heart attack. I was confused, but I refused, so they just did the test. needless to say I had not clue what I was in for. It’s all pretty methodical, like moving a widget down the assembly line of nurses and aids, who are highly methodical into the operating room, filling my arteries with some radioactive shit and taking x-rays. It was like assembling something from ikea with instructions in 6 languages. many of the other patients were immigrants who spoke punjabi and Chinese, one nurse spoke Romanian, it’s a fucking circus comedy. But as anyone who has been to a hospital may know, there is always that one individual, a true and caring healer, a beautiful nurse who is a true caregiver. She was friendly and gentle, tall attractive short haired and blonde, just my type, and twenty something, be still my beating heart! She smiled her genuine cat eye smile, and that’s when I knew everything would be alright. And it was, except for the discomfort of having some rubber tube shoved up my arm through my artery and the burning sensation of the fluid injection in my body during the procedure. In Canada, this medieval torture is covered by medicare.
It was very uncomfortable, but not excruciatingly so. I now think I know what it might feel like for a woman to be raped, to have her body invaded by some foreign object by some fucking doctor shoving his catheter dick into my body, to take pictures of my heart, just to prove to me that everything is normal. There are no major blockages, they only found one spot with a 20-40% blockage typical for my age and not requiring a stint. Blood pressure and heart rate are normal, except for the extra 300 beats per hour that my heart is producing. Staying at my son’s I wasn’t able to use the tesla mat in the morning to normalize my heart rate. they had put an IV on one arm and the catheter tube on the other. So I was unable to move or go to the washroom until it was over. Preparation took an hour, the procedure took 20 minutes and they monitored me for 2 hours after. Because I was not medicated, I was released on my own recognizance. Other patients need to be accompanied by someone through the procedure and taken home afterward by car. Although the patient is not allowed to leave by themselves, nor drive after the procedure, because I had no medication and felt relatively mobile, I convinced them to let me take the local skytrain to the last station and have my friend in the next city pick me up from there and drive me home..
And that was the end of that, except for recovery, which took the rest of the day and into today. Although I had to move slowly and only had the use of my left arm, it was imperative not to use the arm with the bandage from the catheter tube, as it was stopping the opened artery from bleeding and if disturbed could start bleeding profusely, in which case I would have to apply heavy pressure to the wrist and go to another emergency ward to stop the bleeding. I have to leave the bandage on 24 hours before changing it, without shower or bath, so as not to disturb the scab so that the wound can heal properly. I'm only allowed to shower, not to bath for the next week so as not to aggravate the wound. Here is the image of the map of the highway to my heart for anyone who is interested to see what makes me tick.
So in spite of being physically compromised today I had to run errands for rent and utilities, in spite of the ongoing pain in my face.
The wind came up and started to rain, it’s beginning to rain, and Sunday it’s supposed to rain all day.
One 5x5 ft blank canvas cost about $250 each. Add paint and time to paint, I just threw away a couple thousand dollars worth of effort.
If you don't like it, you can go to Prague to the Lennon Wall to cry.
Prague, The Lennon Wall, John Lennon, rest in pieces..
This weekend is the local studio tour for artists. It will probably be a washout with the weather like it is. I'm not going to open the gallery
tomorrow for tourists. They can go fuck themselves. As for John Lennon, may he rest in pieces, cut up on my studio floor.
And that's all I've got to say about that.
.