How NOT To Be A Feminist
I don't feel the need to flash my feminist credentials, because you all know me or should. Suffice to say, I love and respect women and I value informed choice, and I try to leave a wide berth for people who make *informed* choices, even when they disagree with mine. Uninformed choices and positions of privilege? Yeah, those are things I like to challenge and discuss. I'm all in for that.
I hate nothing worse than people telling me that I don't know what I think and/or that I am too white/too wealthy/too heterosexual/too suburban/too American/too unworldly to respect other people's lives and experiences, all the while those people are disapproving MY carefully chosen choices and words. That's hypocrisy, bitches, and that's fuck you territory.
This Blog, which purports itself to be a "progressive, feminist blog," just banned me and deleted my comment for respectfully disagreeing with a post. the original entry was a bs breakdown of that LZ Granderson cnn opinion piece that's been all over facebook the last few days, about little girls dressing "trashy" and parents allowing it. Here. Read for yourself. Short version: girls can wear what they want when they want it, don't scold mothers, poor people can't afford modest clothes, advertising overcomes parenting, and society is responsible for allowing pedophiles to flourish.
My original response was this: I agree with some of your points, but frankly, there's no reason for low cut velour track pants with the word "JUICY" printed on the ass for anyone at any age. I don't buy that even adult women are expressing their artistic nature and their individuality by wearing such. Of course, women and/or girls are not responsible for inappropriate sexualization, and the fault definitely rests in brain of the person doing the sexualizing. However, I think it is totally valid to say that some commercial products are useless and trashy and that better alternatives exist. I think LZ Granderson messed up the delivery, but I take his (albeit buried) point that these clothes wouldn't be available if people wouldn't buy them, and 8 year olds are not buying their own clothes in the vast majority of American society.
Some other woman responded after me, using much broader strokes of criticism, saying that blaming culture is pointless, since what IS in our power are the choices we make, so why choose trashy, etc. She got a lot of attention from people saying that she was not following the commenting "rules" and their fundamental Feminism 101 principles, and she was promptly banned. I replied again with this:
I realize this reply is not to me, but I want to respond, if I may.
I apologize if it seemed my earlier comment was victim-blaming. I didn't intend for it to be so, and I did choose my language carefully. I don't believe that dress can minimize becoming a target, nor do I believe that exploring cultural norms and pressures doesn't have value, but I fail to see why I'd encourage choices that increase my daughter's objectification to prove a political point that she *shouldn't* be objectified. Yes yes, she's going to be sexualized anyway, and that is the root problem; I really do understand that. I just don't see how JUICY on her bottom is anything other than brand label obsession or overt "look at my bum" advertising.
I do stand by my opinion that some commercial products (clothes) hold no value for anyone, and that, as women, one of the greatest political actions we have is how we spend our money and what companies' cultures we support with our dollars. We can certainly teach our daughters to be comfortable and creative and expressive in their style and dress without giving money to corporations which are blatantly playing to the sexualization of girls, as well as the infantilization of women.
And then *I* was banned. My comment was DELETED, and I was banned. The author's explanation for the ban? As I have already noted that the commenting policy and Feminism 101 sections, conveniently linked at the top of the page, are required reading before commenting in this space, commenters who continue to leave arguments that have been hashed and rehashed in those threads will be banned and their comments deleted. Fair warning.
We are not interested in here in debating the fact that objectifiers are singularly responsible for objectification. We are not interested here in debating the fact that clothes to not make children more vulnerable to predators. We are not interested here in debating the fact that girls are not responsible for the cultural memes by which they are judged, nor the beauty standards by which they are measured.
And we are not interested in anyone's contention that just because something (like securing girls' clothing with which one is pleased) is easy and doable for THEM, that axiomatically means it is easy and doable for EVERYONE. To continue to make that assertion, when other commenters have already said that is not their experience, is to tacitly call members of this community liars and/or dismiss their experience out of hand, and that is unwelcome in this space.
If you want to make these points, you've got a whole internet awaiting you. You're just not going to do it here.
So basically, they are not interested in debating, period. If you've followed this far, what we've basically come to is a brand of feminism whereby these so-called feminists are perfectly content to create their safe space on the internet and refuse admission to people they don't like, all the while preaching to their choir and bemoaning our rape culture. Here's a hint, ladies: the world isn't going to change if you're not willing to give the respect you're claiming you don't get. That makes you just as bad as the cons who think my vagina should keep me from having an opinion in the first place. I'm somehow a troll despite using my REAL name, speaking respectfully and in the first person, and speaking about choice. Nice.
I hate nothing worse than people telling me that I don't know what I think and/or that I am too white/too wealthy/too heterosexual/too suburban/too American/too unworldly to respect other people's lives and experiences, all the while those people are disapproving MY carefully chosen choices and words. That's hypocrisy, bitches, and that's fuck you territory.
This Blog, which purports itself to be a "progressive, feminist blog," just banned me and deleted my comment for respectfully disagreeing with a post. the original entry was a bs breakdown of that LZ Granderson cnn opinion piece that's been all over facebook the last few days, about little girls dressing "trashy" and parents allowing it. Here. Read for yourself. Short version: girls can wear what they want when they want it, don't scold mothers, poor people can't afford modest clothes, advertising overcomes parenting, and society is responsible for allowing pedophiles to flourish.
My original response was this: I agree with some of your points, but frankly, there's no reason for low cut velour track pants with the word "JUICY" printed on the ass for anyone at any age. I don't buy that even adult women are expressing their artistic nature and their individuality by wearing such. Of course, women and/or girls are not responsible for inappropriate sexualization, and the fault definitely rests in brain of the person doing the sexualizing. However, I think it is totally valid to say that some commercial products are useless and trashy and that better alternatives exist. I think LZ Granderson messed up the delivery, but I take his (albeit buried) point that these clothes wouldn't be available if people wouldn't buy them, and 8 year olds are not buying their own clothes in the vast majority of American society.
Some other woman responded after me, using much broader strokes of criticism, saying that blaming culture is pointless, since what IS in our power are the choices we make, so why choose trashy, etc. She got a lot of attention from people saying that she was not following the commenting "rules" and their fundamental Feminism 101 principles, and she was promptly banned. I replied again with this:
I realize this reply is not to me, but I want to respond, if I may.
I apologize if it seemed my earlier comment was victim-blaming. I didn't intend for it to be so, and I did choose my language carefully. I don't believe that dress can minimize becoming a target, nor do I believe that exploring cultural norms and pressures doesn't have value, but I fail to see why I'd encourage choices that increase my daughter's objectification to prove a political point that she *shouldn't* be objectified. Yes yes, she's going to be sexualized anyway, and that is the root problem; I really do understand that. I just don't see how JUICY on her bottom is anything other than brand label obsession or overt "look at my bum" advertising.
I do stand by my opinion that some commercial products (clothes) hold no value for anyone, and that, as women, one of the greatest political actions we have is how we spend our money and what companies' cultures we support with our dollars. We can certainly teach our daughters to be comfortable and creative and expressive in their style and dress without giving money to corporations which are blatantly playing to the sexualization of girls, as well as the infantilization of women.
And then *I* was banned. My comment was DELETED, and I was banned. The author's explanation for the ban? As I have already noted that the commenting policy and Feminism 101 sections, conveniently linked at the top of the page, are required reading before commenting in this space, commenters who continue to leave arguments that have been hashed and rehashed in those threads will be banned and their comments deleted. Fair warning.
We are not interested in here in debating the fact that objectifiers are singularly responsible for objectification. We are not interested here in debating the fact that clothes to not make children more vulnerable to predators. We are not interested here in debating the fact that girls are not responsible for the cultural memes by which they are judged, nor the beauty standards by which they are measured.
And we are not interested in anyone's contention that just because something (like securing girls' clothing with which one is pleased) is easy and doable for THEM, that axiomatically means it is easy and doable for EVERYONE. To continue to make that assertion, when other commenters have already said that is not their experience, is to tacitly call members of this community liars and/or dismiss their experience out of hand, and that is unwelcome in this space.
If you want to make these points, you've got a whole internet awaiting you. You're just not going to do it here.
So basically, they are not interested in debating, period. If you've followed this far, what we've basically come to is a brand of feminism whereby these so-called feminists are perfectly content to create their safe space on the internet and refuse admission to people they don't like, all the while preaching to their choir and bemoaning our rape culture. Here's a hint, ladies: the world isn't going to change if you're not willing to give the respect you're claiming you don't get. That makes you just as bad as the cons who think my vagina should keep me from having an opinion in the first place. I'm somehow a troll despite using my REAL name, speaking respectfully and in the first person, and speaking about choice. Nice.