Needs
Have you ever noticed how needy some people are? And have you ever noticed how annoying it is, and how it's so draining that all you want to do is run away and hope you never become that person?
That's why, early in my life, I made a conscious decision that I would do whatever it took to not be that person. It turns out it's impossible.
We do have a couple of choices, though. The most obvious and tempting to me was to pretend. I'll just put on a happy face and when I need something (like say acceptance or love, like needing air or water) I'll just push it down and tell it to go away until the need stops screaming. Sure, it'll probably come back every so often, but I felt strong enough to overcome it.
Putting it down into words makes it seem so unhealthy. I thought I was being strong, thought I was embodying a desirable characteristic, though. It was a conscious decision.
I'm starting to learn that it's not the way to go. C.S. Lewis puts it like this:
"If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
David puts it like this:
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God...
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all you waves and breakers have swept over me...
I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer"
Ps. 40, 42
So I'm starting to really think that the goal is not to pretend that we are not needy. I think he made us that way on purpose, and it's impossible to pretend we're not for very long. The goal instead is to look to God to fulfill our neediness, since he is the only one by nature who is enough to fill it. I think the biggest hurdle to get over is that whole faith thing. Is God, the invisible thing that some of us choose to believe made all this, really able and WILLING to be a tangible part of our lives to the extent that we could actually expect him to fill needs like acceptance and love and to a large extent even relationship? I guess our answer to that question determines where we'll look for it.
"You'll seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."