something I lost and found

[piglette3]

You are real
Whether real to me
If I can feel, if I can see
I know that you are real.

I try so hard to make you stay
If I could live in such a way
to think about you all the time
then I could feel you - make you mine.

You'd tell me every step to take
With you I'd never make mistakes
It seems like that would be the key -
but not how it's supposed to be.

Looking back I see my life -
full of love, peace, joy - and strife.
What could have happened? What went wrong?
I guess I can't pretend for long.

I couldn't show the imperfection
so afraid to face rejection.
So all I do is sit and keep
myself from getting in too deep
to what I want, to what I feel.
I'll give it up for something "real".

But what is life, if not a chance
to delve into the great romance
of God and man, and feel the thunder
of life and love, adventurous wonder?

Where I can live, and God can steer
chancing excitement without fear
Surprises around every turn
I make mistakes and then I learn.

I'm wasting time always patrolling
paranoid and so controlling.
If ever I could let myself
pick life up off the dusty shelf
I'd see that it was You, not me
controlling my reality.

And I could love you even more
and treat life less like such a chore.
I do not always have to feel
that You are here, that You are real.

For You made me, and only You
can create life, can control truth.
And whether or not I feel or see,
You'll always be right here with me.

Open my eyes to see You, Lord
to feel you, love You even more.

Help me, God, to live and trust,
forgetting that I always must
be perfect - Help me make mistakes
and put in me all that it takes
to live this life, to win the race - 
my God, my dream is to have faith.