THE ONLY CONSTANT.
Tonight is one night where I feel quite alone. I get the feeling that when you're down and all, at the end of the day, either family counts, or you count on yourself.
No one is gonna be there to mother you and to make you feel better. Everyone's either too busy, or keeps telling you that things aren't as bad as you think. No one really sits down to listen to what you have to say.
I have so many things I want to say and so many thoughts bubbling in me. All are silenced because I "think too much" or whatever. Yes I might be childish, I might think too much for my own good, but I just need someone to listen. Its almost like I'm not "allowed" to think so much or feel upset over something thats might not appear to be a very important concern.
Sometimes, I don't need a constant guiding voice telling me how I should do this, and should do that. Its nice to have a listening companion for a change, even though when I am lost in direction I do need that guide back. Yes, I know I can be fickle. But sometimes, someone who might just sit there and listen, might just make you feel like, "hey, you really are listening and because I feel like you understand, I feel better already."
Maybe you think I'm spoilt, why do I need my listener to take on different roles just to suit how I'm feeling? Haa maybe that's why at the end of the day, I use my slightly schizo self to talk to myself in my head and eventually work something out.
I might not stick to the decision I made, but often I feel that I'm my best listener.
Talked to my mom about the single room issue, and she doesn't encourage it. However I couldnt help feeling mad at some of the reasons (which constantly contradicts themselves) she came up with. She used to tell me how its good to have a roommate there to take care of you and all, safer for girls. Granted, I take that reason.
Then when I told her I don't really have a roommate to apply for room with, she said "then maybe its good to make a new friend. you could get along well." Now that sounds really familiar doesnt it? Back in year one when I foolishly took up this advice, what was the outcome? A roommate who talked to me on msn and otherwise we didnt talk. One whom I exchanged barely 3 sentences with everyday (and trust me, for a talkative person like me, not talking will kill me.)
Once bitten twice shy, you might say, well things might be different this time round, and you might like it? Haha, that's how people always try to make others feel better -- think on the optimistic side. I can jolly well do it myself.
But I guess single room might not be an option whether I like it or not. Its really quite expensive and I doubt its a good trade off. So rather save that money to do something more useful.
It might be true, objectively speaking, that its good to force yourself to adapt to change. To make yourself step outta your comfort zone. My answer to that is, in the past 2 years, I've made hall my home. Its where I come back and see my friends, my brother, my roommate, my boyfriend... It IS my comfort zone. Its where I relax and unwind after a long day in school. I should be entitled to that, at least, right?
Well apparently next sem, I have no roommate, less friends (those graduating), no brother, and no bf and hence no comfort zone. No lovely hall/home. So where does that leave me? I am supposed to "adapt to changes and step outta my comfort zone". I'm forced to not have a comfort zone. I'm supposed to smile and go "hey, that's not too bad, I can learn to be independent and I am oh-so-excited abt the change."
Oneword to that? whatever.
After all the ranting, I know I'll still go back to it with a smiling face, I'll still stand strong and I'll be ok. When the time comes, even if it hurts, I'll have to face up to it and maybe months later, I'll laugh at myself now and think I was a fool for being so emotional abt it all.
But I dont think my feelings now are not validated.
After all, according to another (totally senseless) point that my mom said to desperately coax me outta the single room idea is that... "at the end of the day, you're staying in sch to study, not socialise. so why do you want to be so comfortable? hall is not a resort."
?! maybe cos i stay in hall almost everyday? and if even in hall im am expected to forgo the need to be comfy around the ppl and all, then what am i left with? But ok, I know where my mom is coming from. And there is some truth in her words, I will not deny that.
I guess at the end of the day, no place beats home. No place beats my own room, and no one beats myself in knowing how to make myself smile again.
It's time to be that tough little chestnut again that Mr. Chew said I was a few years back.
back to the dreaded thumbnails...
No one is gonna be there to mother you and to make you feel better. Everyone's either too busy, or keeps telling you that things aren't as bad as you think. No one really sits down to listen to what you have to say.
I have so many things I want to say and so many thoughts bubbling in me. All are silenced because I "think too much" or whatever. Yes I might be childish, I might think too much for my own good, but I just need someone to listen. Its almost like I'm not "allowed" to think so much or feel upset over something thats might not appear to be a very important concern.
Sometimes, I don't need a constant guiding voice telling me how I should do this, and should do that. Its nice to have a listening companion for a change, even though when I am lost in direction I do need that guide back. Yes, I know I can be fickle. But sometimes, someone who might just sit there and listen, might just make you feel like, "hey, you really are listening and because I feel like you understand, I feel better already."
Maybe you think I'm spoilt, why do I need my listener to take on different roles just to suit how I'm feeling? Haa maybe that's why at the end of the day, I use my slightly schizo self to talk to myself in my head and eventually work something out.
I might not stick to the decision I made, but often I feel that I'm my best listener.
Talked to my mom about the single room issue, and she doesn't encourage it. However I couldnt help feeling mad at some of the reasons (which constantly contradicts themselves) she came up with. She used to tell me how its good to have a roommate there to take care of you and all, safer for girls. Granted, I take that reason.
Then when I told her I don't really have a roommate to apply for room with, she said "then maybe its good to make a new friend. you could get along well." Now that sounds really familiar doesnt it? Back in year one when I foolishly took up this advice, what was the outcome? A roommate who talked to me on msn and otherwise we didnt talk. One whom I exchanged barely 3 sentences with everyday (and trust me, for a talkative person like me, not talking will kill me.)
Once bitten twice shy, you might say, well things might be different this time round, and you might like it? Haha, that's how people always try to make others feel better -- think on the optimistic side. I can jolly well do it myself.
But I guess single room might not be an option whether I like it or not. Its really quite expensive and I doubt its a good trade off. So rather save that money to do something more useful.
It might be true, objectively speaking, that its good to force yourself to adapt to change. To make yourself step outta your comfort zone. My answer to that is, in the past 2 years, I've made hall my home. Its where I come back and see my friends, my brother, my roommate, my boyfriend... It IS my comfort zone. Its where I relax and unwind after a long day in school. I should be entitled to that, at least, right?
Well apparently next sem, I have no roommate, less friends (those graduating), no brother, and no bf and hence no comfort zone. No lovely hall/home. So where does that leave me? I am supposed to "adapt to changes and step outta my comfort zone". I'm forced to not have a comfort zone. I'm supposed to smile and go "hey, that's not too bad, I can learn to be independent and I am oh-so-excited abt the change."
Oneword to that? whatever.
After all the ranting, I know I'll still go back to it with a smiling face, I'll still stand strong and I'll be ok. When the time comes, even if it hurts, I'll have to face up to it and maybe months later, I'll laugh at myself now and think I was a fool for being so emotional abt it all.
But I dont think my feelings now are not validated.
After all, according to another (totally senseless) point that my mom said to desperately coax me outta the single room idea is that... "at the end of the day, you're staying in sch to study, not socialise. so why do you want to be so comfortable? hall is not a resort."
?! maybe cos i stay in hall almost everyday? and if even in hall im am expected to forgo the need to be comfy around the ppl and all, then what am i left with? But ok, I know where my mom is coming from. And there is some truth in her words, I will not deny that.
I guess at the end of the day, no place beats home. No place beats my own room, and no one beats myself in knowing how to make myself smile again.
It's time to be that tough little chestnut again that Mr. Chew said I was a few years back.
back to the dreaded thumbnails...