(no subject)
i wish i could be like my brother. or my dad. theyre what you would call logical thinkers. im more of an emotional thinker. which really fucks me over sometimes. my thoughts, actions, decisions.. are all based on my emotions.. which is why i have made a few bad decisions here and there.. which ultimately lead to my downfall.
have i mentioned that im pmsing?
i woke up fucked up in the head.. as you can tell. i had a dream that my dad died in a car accident.. but it was my fault. my mom was all sad and we couldnt find my brother.. and all i could think about was that i was the cause of my dads death. my family isnt that bad.. but they still give me dreams like this. i just dont belong.. dont fit in.. dont feel welcomed.. i seriously wonder if i was adopted.. im just an outcast.. not conforming to what society wants me to be.. or what my family wants me to be. cuz nothing is ever really good enough. i cant fucking wait till college.
speaking of which, i got an application from westmont today. my mom said not to think about it cuz its hard to get into and expensive. but i say fuck it. im gonna fill it out.. and fill out the calpoly application.. even if i wont get it. i mean, trying doesnt hurt.
with yearbook deadlines and homecoming and college applications, october is gonna be the stressful month of the year. but i guess once its over, i'll be feeling accomplished. i hope.
i need to stop thinking. it gets me in trouble. a lot.
im totally jumping around today. why the fuck am i so scatter brained?
despite the bad day, i just gotta add that i love when old friends randomly get in touch with me. its so nice.. man. people should do it more often.
i'll do a positive post tomorrow.. i just needed to bitch for a while. thats all. gnite.
have i mentioned that im pmsing?
i woke up fucked up in the head.. as you can tell. i had a dream that my dad died in a car accident.. but it was my fault. my mom was all sad and we couldnt find my brother.. and all i could think about was that i was the cause of my dads death. my family isnt that bad.. but they still give me dreams like this. i just dont belong.. dont fit in.. dont feel welcomed.. i seriously wonder if i was adopted.. im just an outcast.. not conforming to what society wants me to be.. or what my family wants me to be. cuz nothing is ever really good enough. i cant fucking wait till college.
speaking of which, i got an application from westmont today. my mom said not to think about it cuz its hard to get into and expensive. but i say fuck it. im gonna fill it out.. and fill out the calpoly application.. even if i wont get it. i mean, trying doesnt hurt.
with yearbook deadlines and homecoming and college applications, october is gonna be the stressful month of the year. but i guess once its over, i'll be feeling accomplished. i hope.
i need to stop thinking. it gets me in trouble. a lot.
im totally jumping around today. why the fuck am i so scatter brained?
despite the bad day, i just gotta add that i love when old friends randomly get in touch with me. its so nice.. man. people should do it more often.
i'll do a positive post tomorrow.. i just needed to bitch for a while. thats all. gnite.