(no subject)
fantasies of being a good student. whew. trippy.
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I have been one big exposed nerve. I startle and jump and shiver like an excited child. you have been more frustrating than usual and somehow more endearing. I want to cut you neatly out of my life, heartstring still attatched to you. please please just take it away. please god i can't do this anymore. i want something steady, and firm and unfaltering. I don't want to fear you or hate you, I just want to grow.
I think I had found peace last year, and I was so attentive to every nudge god sent me. and now you are trampling on it, on it's flapping pale blue. please please leave me. don't make me have to ask you to leave, just take yourself, take your empty words -- sweet nothings that have become something -- uproot, go. don't even pat yourself down on the way out.
and shut the door, i don't want you to hear me scream for what's already there.
*
I have been one big exposed nerve. I startle and jump and shiver like an excited child. you have been more frustrating than usual and somehow more endearing. I want to cut you neatly out of my life, heartstring still attatched to you. please please just take it away. please god i can't do this anymore. i want something steady, and firm and unfaltering. I don't want to fear you or hate you, I just want to grow.
I think I had found peace last year, and I was so attentive to every nudge god sent me. and now you are trampling on it, on it's flapping pale blue. please please leave me. don't make me have to ask you to leave, just take yourself, take your empty words -- sweet nothings that have become something -- uproot, go. don't even pat yourself down on the way out.
and shut the door, i don't want you to hear me scream for what's already there.