my dreams
I woke up this morning in the saddest most depressed mood.
I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately, and how much my sister has been being a bitch to me.
I had a dream that i was on 96 driving in the rain and crashed and i got out of the car and walked around. terri jessie and some indian woman were in terris car, and i got in and they were all ignoring me...cuz i was dead. and i remember looking over my body and crying.
Then i had this dream, and it was one of those dreams that right before you wake up you kinda are awake but still dreaming....
I was in a fight with my sister as usual. And she likes to call me bi-polar and tell me that i want her to feel sorry for me (which is totally not right, and very rude...my weakness she uses against me) well i went off on her in my dream ( i normally just cry when shes mean, so this was a big step for me) I told her she doesnt know what its like to be unwanted and unloved by her father, that she would never understand how it feels to be called someones biggest mistake, i yelled about how nobody believes me about the Alex situation which is honestly the truth, i cried that she didnt know what it felt like to give your whole heart to someone, live for this person, laugh with this person, devote your everything to tthis person and have them walk all over you, cheat and lie to you, she doesnt know what it feels like to be abandoned, to feel like your always in the way, and how i've been trying to live up to everyones expectations and have lost the strength to fight for who iam and what iam.
Anywho i woke up with actual tears today in the saddest mood
So ive always been told im like my uncle jonh, or aunt sharron. Both have no kids nor have ever been married......my fear is to turn out like that...
Then the other night Matt kowalski told me i have a really short love line but i have children in my future from what he could read off my palm....thanks a lot matt....lol....
guitar hero is the shit, and i could woop anybody willing to verse this rocker!!