I haven't posted in this thing in ages. Wouldn't be surprised if most people have defriended me. But it doesn't really matter. Just gonna let it flow
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As much as you hate medicine, you really need to be on it. Suicidal idolation is a bad sign. People go to the hospital over such things. Your paranoia is completely unjustified (hence being called paranoia) all the paper work you filled out is covered by doctor patient confidentiality, and nothing short of a federal warrant has even a *chance* of making them be divulged. And even then, most doctors would rather burn their notes and turn in just the most barebones records possible than risk losing their license (which the AMA does in about half the cases involving records turned over via federal warrants). I am not so sure about bipolar though, Your moods cycle way too fast (high cycle bipolar is defined as 4 episodes a year) and you go from up to down a lot more than that, as well as not staying down nearly long enough compared to up.
I know it's covered under DP confidentiality, but that just simply wasn't enough for me. At UA one night I called my mom and scared her into thinking I was going to kill myself, so the next morning I was woken up to a police escort to the university counseling center where they told me straight up: "You can go home, or we can put you in the hospital" They kicked me out for having suicidal thoughts. I dont' want that kinda of shit to happen again. So I feel as though there is some amount of justification in my paranoia. But you're right, and I know it's the case that I'm paranoid as a mother fucker. Voices tell me to do all sorts of shit, but I can't let that shit control me. I'm better than that. I own my body, not my imbalanced electrobrainchemistry.
oh and i've told you before. I've self-diagnosed as BPD or NPD. I'm pretty up on the DSM-IV-TR. it's been a facsination of mine for the past few months(which some people tell me is the root of my problems, but that's pretty much bullshit). I don't think i'm bipolar, but I won't deny hypomania. It's just highly erratic hypomania.
Exactly, you have to stand up to what your mind and emotions tell you and put your foot down. It can be hard and seem pointless, but like Dexter, if you keep pretending, eventually you won't be just pretending any more. And yea you sort of do seem boarderline to me, thought I am not sure if that actually means anything or not.
Wow...no really...wow. You didn't tell me about the flipping out part tonight. Wow...that...is...cool. I mean, yea, it's not really cool, but I'm sorry I had to laugh when you said you busted out laughing. That's why I love you
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