heavy
The dogs are gone from the house I'm sitting. I had a mild panic/anxiety attack when the loneliness of this house hit me. This will be the first time that I will have confessed to a panic attack. What this looks like is I mentally and emotionally curl up into a ball. I've been learning a lot about myself lately. If only I could say that it's been an exciting discovery process. Instead of it being like a wild adventure into uncharted waters or the jungle, it's been more like finding moldy birthday cake in the fridge, or being reminded that you forgot to pay the light bill when the lights go off.
If I was finding lemons in my fridge, I would most certainly make lemonade. But instead I have a debilitating mind or thought condition. Fun! Right! So I eat my moldy birthday cake, because it's the only food I have. Besides, penicillin is good for you... right?
Ok.. well I've known that I have this thing for a while. But lately I've been finding more things that make me different. Anyway... how about a story?
Once upon a time there was a roll of tape. Now things are called rolls not because they like to roll, but because they are rolled up things, except for some dinner rolls. This was especially the case for Larry the roll of tape. He hated rolling. If it was left up to him he would sit on his side or butt or head... umm... The way that is least conducive to rolling. Actually his favorite positions was when he was hanging in the hardware store. He was put close to the back behind a lot of other rolls of tape on the rail, which to Larry, was a good thing. But slowly the rolls in front of him disappeared until he was picked up along with the annoying roll behind him. That roll of tape was way to friendly, it bothered Larry how friendly that roll of tape was. Whenever the other roll of tape would try to make small talk Larry would reply with as short of answers as possible.
From his vantage point next to some light-bulbs under an oversized bottle of glue he could see through the small holes in the green plastic cage that there were a lot of things not like him. At first this scared him, and the over friendly roll also was a little scared. Unfortunately the other roll was close by and could see Larry's discomfort. The other roll said: "Man we're gonna be ok. As long as we stick together" then the roll unfurled some tape and extended it to Larry. To which Larry replied: "I don't do that kind of thing. Besides it isn't like rolls of tape haven't been bought before." Larry said trying to sound confident.
But that all happened a long time ago. He's been around, done some things, some things that he's proud of some things he's not. Rarely has he been hung by his... hole(?) like back in the store. He'd rather be hanging than sitting or... lying in a fashion that is least conducive to rolling, and rather "sitting" than standing or a fashion that is more conducive to rolling. Of course he would prefer any of those over having objects placed in his hole that don't belong there. Especially awkward position is when somebody sticks an arm or hand through his hole. Talk about uncomfortable! For a while he hung out in a tool box, grody, who knows where some of parts have been. And sometimes a socket or screwdriver will wind up in his hole.
"Ugh!" Larry shivers as he recollects those days.
And I've lost my attention span to finish this story. Of course the story of a roll of tape tends to be pretty long, and often pretty boring. Rare are the rolls of tape that get to do something daring and dangerous or even a little bit interesting.
If I was finding lemons in my fridge, I would most certainly make lemonade. But instead I have a debilitating mind or thought condition. Fun! Right! So I eat my moldy birthday cake, because it's the only food I have. Besides, penicillin is good for you... right?
Ok.. well I've known that I have this thing for a while. But lately I've been finding more things that make me different. Anyway... how about a story?
Once upon a time there was a roll of tape. Now things are called rolls not because they like to roll, but because they are rolled up things, except for some dinner rolls. This was especially the case for Larry the roll of tape. He hated rolling. If it was left up to him he would sit on his side or butt or head... umm... The way that is least conducive to rolling. Actually his favorite positions was when he was hanging in the hardware store. He was put close to the back behind a lot of other rolls of tape on the rail, which to Larry, was a good thing. But slowly the rolls in front of him disappeared until he was picked up along with the annoying roll behind him. That roll of tape was way to friendly, it bothered Larry how friendly that roll of tape was. Whenever the other roll of tape would try to make small talk Larry would reply with as short of answers as possible.
From his vantage point next to some light-bulbs under an oversized bottle of glue he could see through the small holes in the green plastic cage that there were a lot of things not like him. At first this scared him, and the over friendly roll also was a little scared. Unfortunately the other roll was close by and could see Larry's discomfort. The other roll said: "Man we're gonna be ok. As long as we stick together" then the roll unfurled some tape and extended it to Larry. To which Larry replied: "I don't do that kind of thing. Besides it isn't like rolls of tape haven't been bought before." Larry said trying to sound confident.
But that all happened a long time ago. He's been around, done some things, some things that he's proud of some things he's not. Rarely has he been hung by his... hole(?) like back in the store. He'd rather be hanging than sitting or... lying in a fashion that is least conducive to rolling, and rather "sitting" than standing or a fashion that is more conducive to rolling. Of course he would prefer any of those over having objects placed in his hole that don't belong there. Especially awkward position is when somebody sticks an arm or hand through his hole. Talk about uncomfortable! For a while he hung out in a tool box, grody, who knows where some of parts have been. And sometimes a socket or screwdriver will wind up in his hole.
"Ugh!" Larry shivers as he recollects those days.
And I've lost my attention span to finish this story. Of course the story of a roll of tape tends to be pretty long, and often pretty boring. Rare are the rolls of tape that get to do something daring and dangerous or even a little bit interesting.