(no subject)
Just to note all this staff that I kind of want to write down.
Yesterday, I think it was, that I climbed this 20m pole with handles on each side, during a run. When I was climbing up I remembered climbing it when I was a kid. I also remember that I didnt climb to the very top, it was scary. So this time, like 20 years later....dang....I hold on to the very same spot and am scared shitless too. the wind is blowing and the pole is swaying, not that I weigh all that much, maybe like 80 kilos, but the higher I climb, the more I influence the physics of it. or was it my imagination. anyways. slowly, i climb to the very top, thinking 'da fuck, i'll do it'. so i did do it. YEAH! hang out there for a little bit and got down and was so happy afterwards.
Today I continued to design our company's brochure and did some reading. Actually felt like shit, up until the recent shower. Felt like crying, felt like I was, all day. Got to paint some walls in our new office. SO the day actually got pretty versatile in terms of activities. As to the reasons for me being down, I keep remembering how I could have been so much better, how I could have not made all those mistakes....that's pretty sad....i dont call me names, but today I did, so that was something new....actually it felt as if on the road to self-destruction, but I can see how it can help at times to get your ass moving some direction. but nah, fuck it, dont believe this, it was actually pretty bad, it was like the begining of the end of self-esteem. at least that's what it felt like. so maybe if you're wise and learn from the mistakes of others, then take my word for it, its true....)
Yesterday, I think it was, that I climbed this 20m pole with handles on each side, during a run. When I was climbing up I remembered climbing it when I was a kid. I also remember that I didnt climb to the very top, it was scary. So this time, like 20 years later....dang....I hold on to the very same spot and am scared shitless too. the wind is blowing and the pole is swaying, not that I weigh all that much, maybe like 80 kilos, but the higher I climb, the more I influence the physics of it. or was it my imagination. anyways. slowly, i climb to the very top, thinking 'da fuck, i'll do it'. so i did do it. YEAH! hang out there for a little bit and got down and was so happy afterwards.
Today I continued to design our company's brochure and did some reading. Actually felt like shit, up until the recent shower. Felt like crying, felt like I was, all day. Got to paint some walls in our new office. SO the day actually got pretty versatile in terms of activities. As to the reasons for me being down, I keep remembering how I could have been so much better, how I could have not made all those mistakes....that's pretty sad....i dont call me names, but today I did, so that was something new....actually it felt as if on the road to self-destruction, but I can see how it can help at times to get your ass moving some direction. but nah, fuck it, dont believe this, it was actually pretty bad, it was like the begining of the end of self-esteem. at least that's what it felt like. so maybe if you're wise and learn from the mistakes of others, then take my word for it, its true....)