Type-Barfing
And Im here again, I guess the other half of me wanted to get a word in too.
Everything's fine :forces smile:
Im really just looking forward to getting my license to get the heck out of here whenever I please. But everyone seems to say that and then nothing changes... at least as far as Ive heard. School... [Id been doing so well this year cause I used it as a distraction] has gone down the drain. So now Im not distracted anymore. And I sorta look back on what's happened in my life and nothing makes any sense. I dunno where I lost myself [or my cool beaded purse] along the way. But it's scaring me. I guess I thought I could ice and numb everything over and when it thawed I would still be there. I really hope I wasn't wrong. That would be like loosing a tenis ball in the snow and having it still gone when spring came.
I dont know why Im typing this out, I'm not even really upset right now, if you saw me Id look perfectly fine. I would hate to have to talk or deal with myself, If I ever met liana-clone. Someone would end up dead and I dont think it would be me, or .. her [I]. ? .
I've gotten so paranoid. I always think everyone hates me, I hate myself. Someones going to say something or get upset. Im gonna trip. I never look up in the hallway anymore, hardly ever initate a conversation. Loose another friend. Get someone upset. They dont understand anything. Stare out the window. Why cant I go talk to them. Why am I always so afraid of rejection. Arent they my friends? Or they were. I dont deserve them anyway. What am I talking about and why am I adding so many periods?!?!
Am I loosing myself, or just growing up. I cant tell if I hid myself, tried to be too different, or if Im just idolizing the past. I think, Im just another whiney teenager that'll look back in 5 years, read something and go oh god shut the hell up. And I hate that too. I hate this dumb keyboard that my disgusting finger grease is all over. I hate this clutter, this town and all the little emotion ties that stem in with everything.
"Borderline" Reading some thing yesterday bout borderline personality dissorder and it described me creepingly perfectly. It also said that the problems were very common in teenagers, so I dont know. I always said I wouldnt let this happen to me. I was a calm, collected person. A people person. Fun loving. And I wouldnt let the things that happened in the past bother me.
Liana lied to me.
I was going to post symptoms of BPD but then I lost modivation and Im sure no one really cares. And if you do, research it.
Alex might be the only one who understands a word Im saying, but thats okay. Im mostly talking to myself anyway.
Sorry if Ive drifted apart from any of you. Ive drifted from myself too, so dont feel alone. Maybe you can go find the other liana and chill with her for awhile. I hear she's cool.
Im gonna start arguing with me arguing. And bitching about the fact that Im bitching.
So Im gonna leave before something else forces me to.
..
Everything's fine :forces smile:
Im really just looking forward to getting my license to get the heck out of here whenever I please. But everyone seems to say that and then nothing changes... at least as far as Ive heard. School... [Id been doing so well this year cause I used it as a distraction] has gone down the drain. So now Im not distracted anymore. And I sorta look back on what's happened in my life and nothing makes any sense. I dunno where I lost myself [or my cool beaded purse] along the way. But it's scaring me. I guess I thought I could ice and numb everything over and when it thawed I would still be there. I really hope I wasn't wrong. That would be like loosing a tenis ball in the snow and having it still gone when spring came.
I dont know why Im typing this out, I'm not even really upset right now, if you saw me Id look perfectly fine. I would hate to have to talk or deal with myself, If I ever met liana-clone. Someone would end up dead and I dont think it would be me, or .. her [I]. ? .
I've gotten so paranoid. I always think everyone hates me, I hate myself. Someones going to say something or get upset. Im gonna trip. I never look up in the hallway anymore, hardly ever initate a conversation. Loose another friend. Get someone upset. They dont understand anything. Stare out the window. Why cant I go talk to them. Why am I always so afraid of rejection. Arent they my friends? Or they were. I dont deserve them anyway. What am I talking about and why am I adding so many periods?!?!
Am I loosing myself, or just growing up. I cant tell if I hid myself, tried to be too different, or if Im just idolizing the past. I think, Im just another whiney teenager that'll look back in 5 years, read something and go oh god shut the hell up. And I hate that too. I hate this dumb keyboard that my disgusting finger grease is all over. I hate this clutter, this town and all the little emotion ties that stem in with everything.
"Borderline" Reading some thing yesterday bout borderline personality dissorder and it described me creepingly perfectly. It also said that the problems were very common in teenagers, so I dont know. I always said I wouldnt let this happen to me. I was a calm, collected person. A people person. Fun loving. And I wouldnt let the things that happened in the past bother me.
Liana lied to me.
I was going to post symptoms of BPD but then I lost modivation and Im sure no one really cares. And if you do, research it.
Alex might be the only one who understands a word Im saying, but thats okay. Im mostly talking to myself anyway.
Sorry if Ive drifted apart from any of you. Ive drifted from myself too, so dont feel alone. Maybe you can go find the other liana and chill with her for awhile. I hear she's cool.
Im gonna start arguing with me arguing. And bitching about the fact that Im bitching.
So Im gonna leave before something else forces me to.
..