(no subject)
havent written here in a long time. but, unlike my usual gina-ness...i dont feel like alot of ppl seeing this..only my close friends. so..sorry xanga, you dont get this entry tonight.
this saturday was such a waste. i have realized that it was crappy all b/c of pure bad luck and wrong timing for everything. i feel like im in a fog...or has how stefan described it really well, like a glass of water that is being stirred up frantically, i just need to calm down, and think things out. but i just need to stop spinning. lately i have been really really really happy..havent had much downs. but, here it comes, im going through it now. i think its b/c: i stopped at ashlee gassaway/tommy castenedas party at about 10 30-10 45 ish..left about 11 or so b/c it was about to get broken up..my friends there were alreayd fucking puking and passed out and the kegs were opened at 8 and were gone within an hour..and to make mattters worse, i was a too sober stoner on a saturday night with weed being smoked all around me...but not able to get in the sessions b/c i didnt know those who were sparking the bowls. anyways, it was a "south" party...all south and shery ppl pretty much, i only used to go to those with kevin, and i havent been to one since i was with him, it was weird seeing all those familiar faces, but kevin was not by my side like i expected in that situation, i freaked out and just had to leave at that point. THEN i went to brads.. kristy, erik, ryan, a passed out kately, karmel, chris, and of course brad was there, and watching the 2nd matrix...i saw that in the movies when it came out with kevin, it was a really fun and memorable night too b/c alot happened that night. i havent seen that movie since i saw it with him, and it just brought back kevin vibes/memories. sooooo....tonight was a big, sober, sad, boring, slow, kevin-vibe filled night. i came home and cried.
i noticed while i was in the car with kristy...i wanted to just break down, let all the feelings out. but i couldnt help but giggle and joke around with her. even when im sad, and im with my friends, i cant show it. even if i wanted to, i couldnt. its not even that the smile i put on is fake, its almost like i have two moods at once.
this saturday was such a waste. i have realized that it was crappy all b/c of pure bad luck and wrong timing for everything. i feel like im in a fog...or has how stefan described it really well, like a glass of water that is being stirred up frantically, i just need to calm down, and think things out. but i just need to stop spinning. lately i have been really really really happy..havent had much downs. but, here it comes, im going through it now. i think its b/c: i stopped at ashlee gassaway/tommy castenedas party at about 10 30-10 45 ish..left about 11 or so b/c it was about to get broken up..my friends there were alreayd fucking puking and passed out and the kegs were opened at 8 and were gone within an hour..and to make mattters worse, i was a too sober stoner on a saturday night with weed being smoked all around me...but not able to get in the sessions b/c i didnt know those who were sparking the bowls. anyways, it was a "south" party...all south and shery ppl pretty much, i only used to go to those with kevin, and i havent been to one since i was with him, it was weird seeing all those familiar faces, but kevin was not by my side like i expected in that situation, i freaked out and just had to leave at that point. THEN i went to brads.. kristy, erik, ryan, a passed out kately, karmel, chris, and of course brad was there, and watching the 2nd matrix...i saw that in the movies when it came out with kevin, it was a really fun and memorable night too b/c alot happened that night. i havent seen that movie since i saw it with him, and it just brought back kevin vibes/memories. sooooo....tonight was a big, sober, sad, boring, slow, kevin-vibe filled night. i came home and cried.
i noticed while i was in the car with kristy...i wanted to just break down, let all the feelings out. but i couldnt help but giggle and joke around with her. even when im sad, and im with my friends, i cant show it. even if i wanted to, i couldnt. its not even that the smile i put on is fake, its almost like i have two moods at once.