feelings
this is the same as my myspace but i thought
"I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way"
i know i shouldnt feel this way but damn a first love will ALWAYS be around... but those lyrics are SO true. I love andrew with ALL my heart i didnt think id be able to love someone as much as i did a certain someone... but i have and its so hard accepting still... 3 years later... this month is 3 years that its been OVER.... and damn... it feels like yesterday... he would NEVER get back w/ me and i would NEVER get back w/ him we had our 1 1/2 years of relationship and ive moved on to someone beyond great..... there are NO flaws w/ this boy... ok so the star wars thing is a little dorky but thats what i love about him he's not afraid to be himself and be obsessed w/ star wars at 19 years old... yes we will be one of the MANY nerds standing outside for 12 hours waiting to see the movie but ive never been w/ a guy like that and i LOVE it about him! The things we talk about are amazing and so real i just get teary eyed thinking about him... yes im a dork i KNOW . He's the ONLY one there to listen to me cry at night when my mom is out having one of her drinking nights... she doesnt realize what she does to me and my brother... she dont spend time w/ us for shit... EVER i dont understand her... i really dont why does she have to choose alcohol over her kids? does ANYONE know why... please... just someone...
ok heres a story for u... 3 weeks ago this sat. My mom, me monkey sis and mary we're in the car... oh ya and midoree... and we were going to drop sister off at the appartment well Marys husband didnt like the fact that mary wasnt going home the time HE wanted her to come home... well he was SHITFACED DRUNK like i mean... HORRIBLY DRUNK... he took marys keys away and took her car well he ended up chaising us down to the apartments (i was driving during this btw w/ NO license) and ummmm we were driving really fast in the apt. complex cause he was chasing us rapidly (and drunk) and i come to a screetchin hault right smack behind jessicas car... i was afraid of hitting it... well he started coming at us REALLY fast and then for some reason only God knows why he slowed down a little bit he was going around 20 mph at us and he hits the car... well at that point were all TOTALLY freaked out and im BEYOND freaked because he hit andrew car door and midoree was sitting on his lap so i was the first one out of the car and i got in his drunk ass face and started going off on him like there was no tomorrow... and then everyone else gets out of the car and he grabs his wife and hits her and shoves her into the car... well then my mom goes after her to try to get her out of the car and my moms friends husband throws my mom on the fucking ground and she hits her head and is unconcious for like 30 secs after that i go after him to try to get the keys out of the car and rod hits me and pushes me and i hit my head on the back of the door and then i socked him in the face and he pushed me into the plants where i landed my WHOLE body weight on my fuckin right wrist *which has already been broken 3 times before* and im like laying there in this bush... well they (my moms friend and her busband) get in the car and they drive off hella fast.... NO ONE could believe that he had just done that and LEFT.... hit and run, asault w/ a deadly weapon, hitting a minor, hitting woman, and ummm.... drinking and driving.... running from the cops..... lets see how on his way home he took out a fuckin chain linked fence OUT of the cement ... so her car was totalled... anywho.... once he got home he took off on foot for 2 days... finally he turned him self him but before all that ... the cops came to the scene took pics and shit.... my moms elbow was FUCKED so they took pictures of that and the car and all the other shit and during the WHOLE time i was trying to get a hold of my dad and i just flipped out... i cussed so much in front of the cops but i dont care... who the fuck cares dumb ass hole i hate pigs btw... anywho... well we dont know if we're going to court or not... we dont know anything but my mom still intends to drink and she doesnt realize why i dont like her around alcohl... she only spends money on corona THATS IT.... AHHH.... and my dad favors my brother so ALL i have is monkey... i cant say i have jess cause shes always caught up in fuckin jamies bullshit whom I HATE....
im not asking anyone to feel sorry for me but i need to get everything off my chest because i truly am going down hill right now so much shit has been going through my mind... i just dont know what to do anymore.... i need words of encouragement or somthing... i went back to my old ways... and those who know me REALLY well know what that is... my grandparents will be here tomorrow and i cant WAIT to see them... i love them dearly... and im hoping that i can go back w/ them to roseville on monday and then go to the bay area early cause its my baby cousins birthday on the 14th shell be 5... shes growing up so fast... i cant believe it...
recently ive been TOTALLY addicted to yahtzee.... and i met an AWESOME woman in there ... i now call her my yahtzee mom and i have a dad too... haha 2 totally random people whom ive came close w/.... 2 people in 2 different states and we've all became close its awesome there so easy to talk to... its kind of sad that someone in washington and someone in nevada will listen to me more than my own 2 parents who live in the exact same house.... pathetic but true .... they make me happy... and monkey makes me happy and midoree makes me happy... so those are the ONLY things i need as long as im in this town ......
one day i will be married to andrew... no fucking lie... i love this boy... no one knows how much i love him and i would do anything to be with him forever hes AMAZING yup yup... we are going to move up north together and there he will see me at my happiest... where i can be myself unlike here... well thats my story... PLEASE i hope someone reads this it would mean the world to me from 9:41 to 12:03... thats a long time to get everything off my chest... oh well...id put it here..... so here yall go.....
"I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way"
i know i shouldnt feel this way but damn a first love will ALWAYS be around... but those lyrics are SO true. I love andrew with ALL my heart i didnt think id be able to love someone as much as i did a certain someone... but i have and its so hard accepting still... 3 years later... this month is 3 years that its been OVER.... and damn... it feels like yesterday... he would NEVER get back w/ me and i would NEVER get back w/ him we had our 1 1/2 years of relationship and ive moved on to someone beyond great..... there are NO flaws w/ this boy... ok so the star wars thing is a little dorky but thats what i love about him he's not afraid to be himself and be obsessed w/ star wars at 19 years old... yes we will be one of the MANY nerds standing outside for 12 hours waiting to see the movie but ive never been w/ a guy like that and i LOVE it about him! The things we talk about are amazing and so real i just get teary eyed thinking about him... yes im a dork i KNOW . He's the ONLY one there to listen to me cry at night when my mom is out having one of her drinking nights... she doesnt realize what she does to me and my brother... she dont spend time w/ us for shit... EVER i dont understand her... i really dont why does she have to choose alcohol over her kids? does ANYONE know why... please... just someone...
ok heres a story for u... 3 weeks ago this sat. My mom, me monkey sis and mary we're in the car... oh ya and midoree... and we were going to drop sister off at the appartment well Marys husband didnt like the fact that mary wasnt going home the time HE wanted her to come home... well he was SHITFACED DRUNK like i mean... HORRIBLY DRUNK... he took marys keys away and took her car well he ended up chaising us down to the apartments (i was driving during this btw w/ NO license) and ummmm we were driving really fast in the apt. complex cause he was chasing us rapidly (and drunk) and i come to a screetchin hault right smack behind jessicas car... i was afraid of hitting it... well he started coming at us REALLY fast and then for some reason only God knows why he slowed down a little bit he was going around 20 mph at us and he hits the car... well at that point were all TOTALLY freaked out and im BEYOND freaked because he hit andrew car door and midoree was sitting on his lap so i was the first one out of the car and i got in his drunk ass face and started going off on him like there was no tomorrow... and then everyone else gets out of the car and he grabs his wife and hits her and shoves her into the car... well then my mom goes after her to try to get her out of the car and my moms friends husband throws my mom on the fucking ground and she hits her head and is unconcious for like 30 secs after that i go after him to try to get the keys out of the car and rod hits me and pushes me and i hit my head on the back of the door and then i socked him in the face and he pushed me into the plants where i landed my WHOLE body weight on my fuckin right wrist *which has already been broken 3 times before* and im like laying there in this bush... well they (my moms friend and her busband) get in the car and they drive off hella fast.... NO ONE could believe that he had just done that and LEFT.... hit and run, asault w/ a deadly weapon, hitting a minor, hitting woman, and ummm.... drinking and driving.... running from the cops..... lets see how on his way home he took out a fuckin chain linked fence OUT of the cement ... so her car was totalled... anywho.... once he got home he took off on foot for 2 days... finally he turned him self him but before all that ... the cops came to the scene took pics and shit.... my moms elbow was FUCKED so they took pictures of that and the car and all the other shit and during the WHOLE time i was trying to get a hold of my dad and i just flipped out... i cussed so much in front of the cops but i dont care... who the fuck cares dumb ass hole i hate pigs btw... anywho... well we dont know if we're going to court or not... we dont know anything but my mom still intends to drink and she doesnt realize why i dont like her around alcohl... she only spends money on corona THATS IT.... AHHH.... and my dad favors my brother so ALL i have is monkey... i cant say i have jess cause shes always caught up in fuckin jamies bullshit whom I HATE....
im not asking anyone to feel sorry for me but i need to get everything off my chest because i truly am going down hill right now so much shit has been going through my mind... i just dont know what to do anymore.... i need words of encouragement or somthing... i went back to my old ways... and those who know me REALLY well know what that is... my grandparents will be here tomorrow and i cant WAIT to see them... i love them dearly... and im hoping that i can go back w/ them to roseville on monday and then go to the bay area early cause its my baby cousins birthday on the 14th shell be 5... shes growing up so fast... i cant believe it...
recently ive been TOTALLY addicted to yahtzee.... and i met an AWESOME woman in there ... i now call her my yahtzee mom and i have a dad too... haha 2 totally random people whom ive came close w/.... 2 people in 2 different states and we've all became close its awesome there so easy to talk to... its kind of sad that someone in washington and someone in nevada will listen to me more than my own 2 parents who live in the exact same house.... pathetic but true .... they make me happy... and monkey makes me happy and midoree makes me happy... so those are the ONLY things i need as long as im in this town ......
one day i will be married to andrew... no fucking lie... i love this boy... no one knows how much i love him and i would do anything to be with him forever hes AMAZING yup yup... we are going to move up north together and there he will see me at my happiest... where i can be myself unlike here... well thats my story... PLEASE i hope someone reads this it would mean the world to me from 9:41 to 12:03... thats a long time to get everything off my chest... oh well...id put it here..... so here yall go.....