baka laka daka street
After months and months of leaving my last post on here, I’ve decided to update my precious live journal for all but 15 of my subscribers who are no doubt still drooling for another update. As a matter of fact I have even caught many posters completely ripping off my entire post and claiming them as their own. Luckily after a quick google map search I tracked down their addresses, and unloaded about 12 pounds of elephant tranquilizer darts on them while they were sleeping.
However, post posting, I had achieved a sort of “celebrity status” on livejournal. As most of you saw, I received an unheard of 7 posts, on my entry. And I was only responsible for 2 of them! Yes, as some of you had asked I had received multiple book deals based upon writing short novels about extending split second experiences into 150 page epic stories. However, that was in April, when the post was written. What happened between then and now you ask? Short answer or long answer? Short answer: no, long answer: a lot of shit went down, enough for me to repeat the phrase, “y’allz ass is crazy” approximately 350 times a day.
The day I received my initial royalty I was drunk with power, the world was in my hand, and I had enough money to legally import 23 underage Vietnamese prostitues, each one holding 4 kilos of cocaine in their lower intestine. I thought, what way to beign writing a novel then to basically do 8 times my weight in coke a day? Well, as it turned out, it wasn’t enough, so I had to go begging for more grants from penguin books to secure another 20 kilos.
The next 8 months I honestly don't remember, and I am not sure why. But If I had to summarize, it would probably have gone like this:
I decided this country wasn’t good enough, but being fucking out of my mind, I felt it necessary to get in touch with my roots, perhaps for an spiritual awakening. So of course I decided to board a plane to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. However, being on a cocaine binge and an Internet superstar in my own right, I thought of it being meaningless to purchase my own ticket. Little did I know I needed shit, like a passport (I mean seriously what the fuck is it for anyway) and money(which I needed to ration to use for drugs, not necessities like international flights.) So I decided to do what anyone else would do.
Now what the doctors told me, was that upon climbing in the landing gear of the plane, I was frozen solid because of the high altitude of the flight. The doctor’s briefing also claimed my blood cocaine level was at about 95%. Of course I was disappointed as I was shooting for 98%, but I decided to press on with my assault on Africa.
Ill skip all that important shit about ‘learning stuff’, which basically translates to me scoring a shit load of crazy tribe, drugs from some black people.
Ok fast-forward to now. I was released out of international prison approximately 2 weeks before school started, haven’t read a book since, forgot how to type, manhandled 37 bostonians, and secretly injected my roommate with all 3 types of hepatitis, and 2 forms of Chlamydia. I also now date 3 porn stars, of which no one knows about and was legally married 4 times this summer along with 2 illegal marriages.
My interests still remain in bestiality porn and small children, and I spend my days looking at fan sites of Roman Polanski, amazed that he got away with it, while I was arrested instantly (charges later dropped).
This year, I hope to consume 2.5 tons of tapioca balls in the process of consuming bubble tea.
However, post posting, I had achieved a sort of “celebrity status” on livejournal. As most of you saw, I received an unheard of 7 posts, on my entry. And I was only responsible for 2 of them! Yes, as some of you had asked I had received multiple book deals based upon writing short novels about extending split second experiences into 150 page epic stories. However, that was in April, when the post was written. What happened between then and now you ask? Short answer or long answer? Short answer: no, long answer: a lot of shit went down, enough for me to repeat the phrase, “y’allz ass is crazy” approximately 350 times a day.
The day I received my initial royalty I was drunk with power, the world was in my hand, and I had enough money to legally import 23 underage Vietnamese prostitues, each one holding 4 kilos of cocaine in their lower intestine. I thought, what way to beign writing a novel then to basically do 8 times my weight in coke a day? Well, as it turned out, it wasn’t enough, so I had to go begging for more grants from penguin books to secure another 20 kilos.
The next 8 months I honestly don't remember, and I am not sure why. But If I had to summarize, it would probably have gone like this:
I decided this country wasn’t good enough, but being fucking out of my mind, I felt it necessary to get in touch with my roots, perhaps for an spiritual awakening. So of course I decided to board a plane to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. However, being on a cocaine binge and an Internet superstar in my own right, I thought of it being meaningless to purchase my own ticket. Little did I know I needed shit, like a passport (I mean seriously what the fuck is it for anyway) and money(which I needed to ration to use for drugs, not necessities like international flights.) So I decided to do what anyone else would do.
Now what the doctors told me, was that upon climbing in the landing gear of the plane, I was frozen solid because of the high altitude of the flight. The doctor’s briefing also claimed my blood cocaine level was at about 95%. Of course I was disappointed as I was shooting for 98%, but I decided to press on with my assault on Africa.
Ill skip all that important shit about ‘learning stuff’, which basically translates to me scoring a shit load of crazy tribe, drugs from some black people.
Ok fast-forward to now. I was released out of international prison approximately 2 weeks before school started, haven’t read a book since, forgot how to type, manhandled 37 bostonians, and secretly injected my roommate with all 3 types of hepatitis, and 2 forms of Chlamydia. I also now date 3 porn stars, of which no one knows about and was legally married 4 times this summer along with 2 illegal marriages.
My interests still remain in bestiality porn and small children, and I spend my days looking at fan sites of Roman Polanski, amazed that he got away with it, while I was arrested instantly (charges later dropped).
This year, I hope to consume 2.5 tons of tapioca balls in the process of consuming bubble tea.