From My Mind's Emotional Center.

[pieddor]

I just have some things, at least one thing that I want to say.  I would like to thank anyone, family and friends, who have listened and been there for me.  We have all had our share of trials, and I am very grateful for the many people in my life, and for how they have positively effected me.  Last night I was thinking about my first trip, last year, to Silver Lake to ride on the sand dunes.  One night, I had a little much to drink, and I got very emotional.  I brought up things that I usually only think about when I'm on my own.  I want to thank these people for understanding and not criticizing.  Not that I thought they would, but the fact they they were so understanding says a lot.  I figure that people don't want to be brought down by my problems and burdens, so it's rare when I just bring them up unprovoked.  I've realized, over the course of the last couple years, on my own (essentially, with music as a much needed tool) that life is something to celebrate and cherish.  I am very grateful for my family and friends for being who they are in this difficult time for me.  It is still difficult for me at times, as there is a part of all of us that questions our life, and what we may be meant to do, or if we have the choice to choose what to do.  Ultimately, I'm trying to say that I am grateful for the people who were there for me last year at Silver Lake when I had sort of a break down.  I am also grateful for the people that are there for me even if they weren't at Silver Lake.  That is just the catalyst that initiated this entry.  Even though alcohol was involved, it did not make me say those things, it just helped give me the courage to say them.  I had been feeling those things for quite some time and I am so thankful that people I love were there to comfort me and assure me that it was alright to feel that way.  That it is perfectly natural to be so upset by some things, and re-iterate to me that certain things should not bother us as much as I let them.  I am who I am and that is why people love me.  That is what matters in this life, and I am more grateful than you probably know to have such people assure me of this.  This is a difficult time in my life and even though they may not be ideal conditions, these conditions are helping me through it and knowing that I am supported with love is the main force driving me forward.  As I have said previously, it's been hard for me, through the years, to feel loved, but that does NOT mean that I think I'm not.  I know I am and this entry is to thank the people who love me and to let them know that I love them too.  I know not everyone I'd like to see this reads my entries here, but at least this is a start.  I've wanted to send individual, personal, letters to these people to let them know, but I can't bring myself to do that at this time.  I'm pretty sure that some people read this, and even if it be some family and some people online, if you've listened and talked to me about personal issues, I am taking this time to say thank you.  I just want you to know that I appreciate it.

No, this isn't a cry for help, as I'm perfectly happy with my life.  I just need to get to a point where I'm OK day to day, and maybe then I'd be even happier happier with my overall life.