Naked to see.

[pieddor]

I'm pretty convinced that I can count on one hand the number of people who actively try and "accomodate" for my OCD.  I'm not saying people necessarily don't care, but how am I to think people DO care when they do shit that makes me obsess?  The worst part is that I don't ever say anything.  I just assume people won't understand or won't even do anything about it.  And then there's people who know about it, and actively try to trigger it.  Well, fuck you jackass.  You know who you are and if you are reading this, maybe you could show me how a friend is supposed to act.  Do you even know how to do that?  Be a friend.  I'm guessing on no you fucking idiot.  I'm going to stop holding back eventually.  People like you find it easy.  It's so difficult to not be able to control your actions.  I can't even tell you the frustration I feel.  I only know one person who I know has felt the same, and even she doesn't think about what bothers me.  I'm mainly talking about my friends because I can't expect people that don't know me to know about it or act differently.  I thought friends that knew would care and show it.  I guess not.  Saying sorry after doing something that would make me obsess doesn't make it any better.  In case you care, here it is again.  The entry in which I include an article and bolded the parts that apply to me.  I think I don't have the courage to talk to specific people about this because I don't want to feel even more vulnerable and abnormal than I already do.  If I so much as touch a finger on my left hand to anything I consider "dirty" which most definitely includes parts of my own body, I have to wash my hand to make it feel better.  I can't even tell you how many times because it's different depending on what level of resistance I can handle at the time.  Some times I can it quickly, and sometimes it takes a while.  It's tiring and frustrating and makes me feel even more that nobody understands me.  So if you are reading this, and decide to talk to me about it.  Don't make me feel stupid.  I hate this more than you can know.  I wish I had money to do something about it, but I don't so I have to live like this.  At least for now.  If you choose to not care and be a dick about it, well, like I said, fuck you.  I'd rather lose a friend than be put through some shit for your enjoyment.

Here's another link to an entry about this.

By the way, if you do pay attention and avoid anything on my behalf, thank you.  Really.  I can't really know if you do or not but I appreciate it.