troubles and a whole new breakdown.
just found out smt bad about smt quite dear to me and im feeling like my world is crashing down upon me. which is silly cause this thing that's dear to me isn't really important in my life, but then again i guess it is, since it changed me, thanks to it i met so many cool people, who i call friends. ugh. many of them i'll loose touch with soon and it saddens me.
omfg im gonna cry. mom can't see me cry or she'll
1) start crying too or
2) mock me for being such a softie.
neither of those options are bearable atm.
worst part is, i can't tell anyone around me, can't say it here cause some people in my real life have checked the site out and i can't take my chances. grr. i have to bear this weight on my shoulders and be happy in front of my friends for a month before they find out as well and are sad with me. i dont think i'll be able to bear their reactions. i can think of two who will probably cry and get angry and then cry some more. ugh. this isn't helping, i thought ranting in my lj would make me feel better, release some steam but it's just bringing new thoughts, new worries and i feel like i'm breaking ... well i'm definitely freaking out now. god, i'm gonna have a panic attack.
this shouldn't mean so much to me.
i hate myself for sometimes being a rock and then other times such a softie.
/cries.
omfg im gonna cry. mom can't see me cry or she'll
1) start crying too or
2) mock me for being such a softie.
neither of those options are bearable atm.
worst part is, i can't tell anyone around me, can't say it here cause some people in my real life have checked the site out and i can't take my chances. grr. i have to bear this weight on my shoulders and be happy in front of my friends for a month before they find out as well and are sad with me. i dont think i'll be able to bear their reactions. i can think of two who will probably cry and get angry and then cry some more. ugh. this isn't helping, i thought ranting in my lj would make me feel better, release some steam but it's just bringing new thoughts, new worries and i feel like i'm breaking ... well i'm definitely freaking out now. god, i'm gonna have a panic attack.
this shouldn't mean so much to me.
i hate myself for sometimes being a rock and then other times such a softie.
/cries.