i like your hair in every style you wear it - the "robin hood" season one picspam, part two
Grab an era-inappropriate bodice! It's...
The Robin Hood Season One Picspam, Part Two!
Presented by S(a)x Leather, Australia's number one leather and fetish outfitter!
In our previous picspam, we met a bunch of people who make up the majority of Robin Hood's freshman season. Out of those fine peeps, you should probably take a second to remember:
1. Much, who becomes an Earl (albeit in scummy circumstances) and gets a bit of a pash.
Awwww. (Remember this though, because he doesn't get much else in the way of lovin' and it's infuriating to a fault.)
2. The Sheriff, who sums up our feelings re: Marian/Robin and...
...loves to remind his minion dear sidekick Guy of Gisborne about women and lepers. LEPERS, GISBORNE.
He's also taken to burning tattoos off said sidekick with Djaq-Grade acid while making this whole scene look like an out-take from Medieval Bondage Shenanigans 4.
You should also be aware of Robin, but he's in my bad books after being a douche to Much, Earl of Awesomeness.
Anyway. Remember them and their awesomeness? They're pretty awesome, as awesome as a Joey Lawrence love song on a sunny Melbournian afternoon. But you know what's better? Our favourite dysfunctionally dysfunctional couple GUY & MARIAN!
Cue Days of Our Lives Theme Tune
Guy loves Marian.
Marian's kind of "meh, he's good for a Sunday manipulation or two".
As you can imagine, this makes Guy rather emo. But rather than sit around and carve animals out of wood, Guy keeps on keepin' on, because he's of the belief that if you get cockblocked once, keep going until you get cockblocked a hundred times.
Whadda trouper!
Unfortunately for the producers of this fine representation of the Middle Ages, Guy and Marian? Have more chemistry than the Sheriff/Everyone Ever. I mean, fuck. He's eating an apple and all she can think of is kinky Easter games where fruit is hidden and I'm never, ever finishing that sentence.
Our Little Guy That Could believes the way to any fair lady's heart is trinkets in a bag and a vast wardrobe of leather.
The bitch doesn't stand a chance, really.
Such is a power of his leather duds, salacious smirk and kinky, kinky games over a blushing lass who's only other option is a boy scout who's named after a bird.
(Speaking of birds: awwww he's holding a bird isn't that dreamy/hot/odd/lol bird? Have you had the awkward hotness of the Armitage reconfirmed? Great. Good. Let's continue.)
The best thing about Guy/Marian is the fact it's really just thinly veiled stalking and/or bondage games. Guy's really the most incompetent human being ever, while Marian makes you want to scream with frustration - but it all falls away when he's all up on her neck and she's holding her breath in case her lady bits explode.
Is it just me, or is this Guy's theme song? Really? Really. Seriously. Because boy ain't gettin' anything, despite Marian giving out all the signals.
Leather crunching and his heart breaking because the script ignores Their Loud Chemistry, Guy decides to take things into his own hands.
No, Sheriff. His Love Machine will come out after the honeymoon.
Although the kinkiness is kind of inherent with these two, kind of like Rudolph and his oh-so prominent nose around December 24th.
Ahem. He buys her more presents. She's happy, because he gives her a horse. And no, she's not happeh because it's this type of horse.
More's the pity.
Still, pony play aside, Guy threatens her a lot, and she rather likes this. So she agrees to marry him, "under duress", because she's still trying to make us believe her One True Love is an off-cut from Hanson: The Emo Years, complete with Fail Facial Hair and Atticus hoodie.
Yeah, you heard me.
But you know the biggest injustice? Boy doesn't get ANY, even when the chick's now his fiance! Honestly, it enough to make him go on a wonderful inward spiral of Emo.
He emos in the garden!
He emos at his engagement party while attached to a wall!
He emos on what can only be described as the set of "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf!
He emos while fighting and looking fucking hot!
He even has emo tattoos! (That's the logo for the 12th Century equivalent of H.I.M, trufax)
The Sheriff gets over the emo pain very quickly, especially when his eyeliner goes missing every morning. So he tells Marian she should do something about this, like invest in a bunch of riding crops or something. (Or let him take her on a date.)
Thing about Guy is? He's not so good with the, y'know, being upfront and asking straight out. It's kind of part of his MO, even when he's faffing on about apple peels and names of true loves and sounding like a dork.
He eventually gets up the nerve to ask her to the fair, but it's in his own special way and we have to stop ourselves from pinching his cheeks and laughing loudly.
Later, he invites her back to his, claiming he wants to show her "something". You know she's worried it's his collection of Hard Core Slap and Tickle DVDs or "couples love swing", but she's also pretty excited at this prospect.
Stay cool, Marian. Stay cool.
Aw man, it's just his wealth. Boring.
He does eventually take her on a proper date. It's pretty lame.
Marian liked it better when he'd appear out of dark corners and scare the shit out of her, so luckily for all, he goes back to that.
With gusto! Even if Marian's manipulating him so far up the garden path it's making the Thames into De Nile (geddit), you just want to skip and squee because they're so fucked up and WONDERFUL.
What was I saying about fucked up and wonderful?
Nevermind.
This is really starting to look like Guy Gisborne in: I Like It Rough, isn't it?
Except it must be the Pretty Woman "No Kissing On The Mouth" edition, because they get close, but not close enough. Still, hottest thing on the show so far? Yes m'am.
The season ends on a high note: the bondage wedding of Guy and Marian.
In a rather Lion King moment, Guy allows himself to, y'know, appear human, and asks Kindly Ol' Locksley Resident for some advice. All jokes aside, it's the first time we get to really see how much he loves Marian, and it's a real turning point for the character and you kind of forget that time he left his own son in the forest. (Good times.)
Guy sucks at weddings, but luckily got out his best leather suit for the occasion.
Now this? Is freakin' 'shipper heaven. God, how I wish they had of gone down the marriage of convenience route, because eeeeee this would have been consummated and there would have been chains and whips and OMG OMG.
Things get a bit awkward, though, when Much turns up shouting about Robin needing Marian blah blah he tried to kill the king whatever. The only time I'll say it - "Shut up, Much."
"Did you lie to me?" Because she's a beacon of truth.
"Maybe. *eye dart*"
We know how this ends, don't we gang?
KINKY TIED UP SHERWOOD FOREST SEX!
THE END.
(Okay, okay. I know this isn't at all an accurate representation of Guy and Marian's relationship, but I have never pretended I was going to be sane about this. I mean, come on - look how the canon ends! Give me a little bit of tin hattery, or else. And they have so much chemistry it should be illegal. They're the Juliet and Lassiter of Sherwood Forest, now with a lot more leather and/or illusions to bondage, y'all!)
In other news:
"HEEEERRRREEEEE'S GISBORNE!"
The Robin Hood Season One Picspam, Part Two!
Presented by S(a)x Leather, Australia's number one leather and fetish outfitter!
In our previous picspam, we met a bunch of people who make up the majority of Robin Hood's freshman season. Out of those fine peeps, you should probably take a second to remember:
1. Much, who becomes an Earl (albeit in scummy circumstances) and gets a bit of a pash.
Awwww. (Remember this though, because he doesn't get much else in the way of lovin' and it's infuriating to a fault.)
2. The Sheriff, who sums up our feelings re: Marian/Robin and...
...loves to remind his minion dear sidekick Guy of Gisborne about women and lepers. LEPERS, GISBORNE.
He's also taken to burning tattoos off said sidekick with Djaq-Grade acid while making this whole scene look like an out-take from Medieval Bondage Shenanigans 4.
You should also be aware of Robin, but he's in my bad books after being a douche to Much, Earl of Awesomeness.
Anyway. Remember them and their awesomeness? They're pretty awesome, as awesome as a Joey Lawrence love song on a sunny Melbournian afternoon. But you know what's better? Our favourite dysfunctionally dysfunctional couple GUY & MARIAN!
Cue Days of Our Lives Theme Tune
Guy loves Marian.
Marian's kind of "meh, he's good for a Sunday manipulation or two".
As you can imagine, this makes Guy rather emo. But rather than sit around and carve animals out of wood, Guy keeps on keepin' on, because he's of the belief that if you get cockblocked once, keep going until you get cockblocked a hundred times.
Whadda trouper!
Unfortunately for the producers of this fine representation of the Middle Ages, Guy and Marian? Have more chemistry than the Sheriff/Everyone Ever. I mean, fuck. He's eating an apple and all she can think of is kinky Easter games where fruit is hidden and I'm never, ever finishing that sentence.
Our Little Guy That Could believes the way to any fair lady's heart is trinkets in a bag and a vast wardrobe of leather.
The bitch doesn't stand a chance, really.
Such is a power of his leather duds, salacious smirk and kinky, kinky games over a blushing lass who's only other option is a boy scout who's named after a bird.
(Speaking of birds: awwww he's holding a bird isn't that dreamy/hot/odd/lol bird? Have you had the awkward hotness of the Armitage reconfirmed? Great. Good. Let's continue.)
The best thing about Guy/Marian is the fact it's really just thinly veiled stalking and/or bondage games. Guy's really the most incompetent human being ever, while Marian makes you want to scream with frustration - but it all falls away when he's all up on her neck and she's holding her breath in case her lady bits explode.
Is it just me, or is this Guy's theme song? Really? Really. Seriously. Because boy ain't gettin' anything, despite Marian giving out all the signals.
Leather crunching and his heart breaking because the script ignores Their Loud Chemistry, Guy decides to take things into his own hands.
No, Sheriff. His Love Machine will come out after the honeymoon.
Although the kinkiness is kind of inherent with these two, kind of like Rudolph and his oh-so prominent nose around December 24th.
Ahem. He buys her more presents. She's happy, because he gives her a horse. And no, she's not happeh because it's this type of horse.
More's the pity.
Still, pony play aside, Guy threatens her a lot, and she rather likes this. So she agrees to marry him, "under duress", because she's still trying to make us believe her One True Love is an off-cut from Hanson: The Emo Years, complete with Fail Facial Hair and Atticus hoodie.
Yeah, you heard me.
But you know the biggest injustice? Boy doesn't get ANY, even when the chick's now his fiance! Honestly, it enough to make him go on a wonderful inward spiral of Emo.
He emos in the garden!
He emos at his engagement party while attached to a wall!
He emos on what can only be described as the set of "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meatloaf!
He emos while fighting and looking fucking hot!
He even has emo tattoos! (That's the logo for the 12th Century equivalent of H.I.M, trufax)
The Sheriff gets over the emo pain very quickly, especially when his eyeliner goes missing every morning. So he tells Marian she should do something about this, like invest in a bunch of riding crops or something. (Or let him take her on a date.)
Thing about Guy is? He's not so good with the, y'know, being upfront and asking straight out. It's kind of part of his MO, even when he's faffing on about apple peels and names of true loves and sounding like a dork.
He eventually gets up the nerve to ask her to the fair, but it's in his own special way and we have to stop ourselves from pinching his cheeks and laughing loudly.
Later, he invites her back to his, claiming he wants to show her "something". You know she's worried it's his collection of Hard Core Slap and Tickle DVDs or "couples love swing", but she's also pretty excited at this prospect.
Stay cool, Marian. Stay cool.
Aw man, it's just his wealth. Boring.
He does eventually take her on a proper date. It's pretty lame.
Marian liked it better when he'd appear out of dark corners and scare the shit out of her, so luckily for all, he goes back to that.
With gusto! Even if Marian's manipulating him so far up the garden path it's making the Thames into De Nile (geddit), you just want to skip and squee because they're so fucked up and WONDERFUL.
What was I saying about fucked up and wonderful?
Nevermind.
This is really starting to look like Guy Gisborne in: I Like It Rough, isn't it?
Except it must be the Pretty Woman "No Kissing On The Mouth" edition, because they get close, but not close enough. Still, hottest thing on the show so far? Yes m'am.
The season ends on a high note: the bondage wedding of Guy and Marian.
In a rather Lion King moment, Guy allows himself to, y'know, appear human, and asks Kindly Ol' Locksley Resident for some advice. All jokes aside, it's the first time we get to really see how much he loves Marian, and it's a real turning point for the character and you kind of forget that time he left his own son in the forest. (Good times.)
Guy sucks at weddings, but luckily got out his best leather suit for the occasion.
Now this? Is freakin' 'shipper heaven. God, how I wish they had of gone down the marriage of convenience route, because eeeeee this would have been consummated and there would have been chains and whips and OMG OMG.
Things get a bit awkward, though, when Much turns up shouting about Robin needing Marian blah blah he tried to kill the king whatever. The only time I'll say it - "Shut up, Much."
"Did you lie to me?" Because she's a beacon of truth.
"Maybe. *eye dart*"
We know how this ends, don't we gang?
KINKY TIED UP SHERWOOD FOREST SEX!
THE END.
(Okay, okay. I know this isn't at all an accurate representation of Guy and Marian's relationship, but I have never pretended I was going to be sane about this. I mean, come on - look how the canon ends! Give me a little bit of tin hattery, or else. And they have so much chemistry it should be illegal. They're the Juliet and Lassiter of Sherwood Forest, now with a lot more leather and/or illusions to bondage, y'all!)
In other news:
"HEEEERRRREEEEE'S GISBORNE!"