(no subject)
oooommmmmmmggggggg ..... this is all so lame.. and stupid.. and im so not that kind of "drama girl" i try to stay as far away from it as i can .. but lately it seems like i cant get any closer to it.. =/
Ergh i really dont know what i would do without Manda Jess and Anna.. they are the only ones who know exactly what is going on right now...
I hate that i cant say what im thinking and feeling because no matter what ... somebody will get hurt.. but.. i want to say everything im feeling. i want to let it all out.. i want to scream everything that im thinking about and feeling at the top of my lungs and just stop from keeping it all in.. i always keep everything inside.. always.. thats why i "do what i do " and a few of u know what that is.. and i just . ergh i cant exaplain it i want to be able to talk to you about everything.. and tell you what im thinking but i cant.. i love you.. i do.. i know i do... dont i ?
Ugh. i dont want to ruin us.. but i dont want to make things worse by not talking about everything i am thinking about.. whats wrong with me? you are so wonderful why do i always have to eff everything up. im sorry. im sorry im so stupid. and im sorry im selfish and i want everthing...
Then i talk to manda and i want to take a "break" from us.. just for like 4 days.. and im all set on it and i about do it.. but then i choke.. i choke.. i start to think about life without you .. and then at first i think it will be fine.. and that ive turned into one of those pathetic girls who relies only on their boyfriend.. and how i dont want to be that way.. and then i kept thinking that and how i didnt want to be that girl so i think.. yeah a break would be awesome.. that way we can just see how much we really do like eachother and if we can even go 4 days without eachother.. and that would prove so much. but then i think that u will take it the wrong way , and think i am breaking up with you.. and goodness everything is just so messed up. and i want to be with you.. i do .. i just i dont kno whats wrong with me.. like usual i will most likely keep it all in too. and im sorry im putting your threw all of this stupid shit becuase u dont deserve it.. u deserve better. i dunno , anyways so then i started to think about not being with you , and that seemed so much worse then just having to put up with stupid thoughts that im having and i think ill just keep it all in because i would rather be with u and think whatever im thinking and its nothing like specific that im thinking about its just stupid little things and then i think ... well i dont want us to take a break because i dont want to be without you.. because you are like seriously my better half.. and i kno i love you i just dont know whats wrong with me.. and ergh i dont even know what im talking about i just really need to vent.. and i cant . and argh.
please dont be mad at me if u read this. i just .. i dunno im so bi polar i swear.. cause watch in like freakin 10 mins.. ill regret i wrote any of this. but im gunna leave this post and not delete it because i wrote it for a reason even if i do regret writing it..
Ergh well .. other then that today was alright. i love the kids in 6th period. they are amazing.
The end.
Ergh i really dont know what i would do without Manda Jess and Anna.. they are the only ones who know exactly what is going on right now...
I hate that i cant say what im thinking and feeling because no matter what ... somebody will get hurt.. but.. i want to say everything im feeling. i want to let it all out.. i want to scream everything that im thinking about and feeling at the top of my lungs and just stop from keeping it all in.. i always keep everything inside.. always.. thats why i "do what i do " and a few of u know what that is.. and i just . ergh i cant exaplain it i want to be able to talk to you about everything.. and tell you what im thinking but i cant.. i love you.. i do.. i know i do... dont i ?
Ugh. i dont want to ruin us.. but i dont want to make things worse by not talking about everything i am thinking about.. whats wrong with me? you are so wonderful why do i always have to eff everything up. im sorry. im sorry im so stupid. and im sorry im selfish and i want everthing...
Then i talk to manda and i want to take a "break" from us.. just for like 4 days.. and im all set on it and i about do it.. but then i choke.. i choke.. i start to think about life without you .. and then at first i think it will be fine.. and that ive turned into one of those pathetic girls who relies only on their boyfriend.. and how i dont want to be that way.. and then i kept thinking that and how i didnt want to be that girl so i think.. yeah a break would be awesome.. that way we can just see how much we really do like eachother and if we can even go 4 days without eachother.. and that would prove so much. but then i think that u will take it the wrong way , and think i am breaking up with you.. and goodness everything is just so messed up. and i want to be with you.. i do .. i just i dont kno whats wrong with me.. like usual i will most likely keep it all in too. and im sorry im putting your threw all of this stupid shit becuase u dont deserve it.. u deserve better. i dunno , anyways so then i started to think about not being with you , and that seemed so much worse then just having to put up with stupid thoughts that im having and i think ill just keep it all in because i would rather be with u and think whatever im thinking and its nothing like specific that im thinking about its just stupid little things and then i think ... well i dont want us to take a break because i dont want to be without you.. because you are like seriously my better half.. and i kno i love you i just dont know whats wrong with me.. and ergh i dont even know what im talking about i just really need to vent.. and i cant . and argh.
please dont be mad at me if u read this. i just .. i dunno im so bi polar i swear.. cause watch in like freakin 10 mins.. ill regret i wrote any of this. but im gunna leave this post and not delete it because i wrote it for a reason even if i do regret writing it..
Ergh well .. other then that today was alright. i love the kids in 6th period. they are amazing.
The end.