GOLDEN GLOBES 2010
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
7:14 pm, est. First glass of wine
Robert Downey Jr on the red carpet. He's one of the most charming people in show business. One day we'll meet, and he'll think the same of me. He looks AMAZING.
JON HAMM. JON HAMM'S BEARD.
"IT'S RAINING YOU GUYS!" Jon Hamm is so adorable. And his beard is well groomed and he's really well spoken. AND HE NAME DROPPED GLEE AND MODERN FAMILY!
Taylor Lautner. Turn 18. Do it. TURN 18 NOW. GOD YOU'RE TOO HOT TO BE 17.
WHAT'S UP. I'M MARK WAHLBERG. YOU HOST ON E, I PRODUCE ENTOURAGE. SAY HI TO YOUR MOTHER FOR ME.
Anna, darling what are you wearing here? I loved you in CAMP dear. "She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on!"
Not to be weird, but I want to bury my face in Christina Hendricks' chest. She's just so buxom and gorgeous. And her dress was made by Christian Siriano! Win!
Amy Adams is growing on me! She's really cute, and her baby bump is precious.
OMG GUYS IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE BIG SHOW! PUMPED!
RICKY GERVAIS I LOVE YOU. DON'T DISAPPOINT ME! Steve Carell's face right now is awesome. And he's just threatened to kill Ricky. Win. I need GIFs of him giving the thumbs up.
QUALITY NOT QUANTITY! Oh The Office.
MATT DAMON THINKS RICKY'S FUNNY. HE'S SMILING.
I am starting to fear for Ricky's safety after the show. Kiefer is going to end him, Vampire David style.
Nicole Kidman is going to present the award for Best Supporting Actress.
Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique for Precious Called it! Fast track her to the Oscar.
She looks beautiful, and her speech is killing me right now. She is fabulous. And Lee Daniels is given his due. Phenominal.
That girl from Modern Family and Matthew Fox are presenting Best Actress in a TV Series Musical or Comedy.
Best Actress in a TV Series Musical or Comedy: Toni Collette for The United States of Tara I've never seen this show, but she's one of my favorite actresses.
Jim Parsons and Lorelei Gilmore present Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie.
Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: John Lithgow for Dexter I've heard great things about the Trinity killer. It's the only reason why I want to get caught up with Dexter after the few disappointing bits of the 3rd season that I saw.
omg seeing Michael C. Hall makes me sad. :(
Sir Paul McCartney presenting Best Animated Feature.
Best Animated Feature: Up Pixar's stranglehold on the awards continues. I wish it were Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Kate Hudson was the worst thing about Nine. At any rate, she's presenting clips from Nine, which I can't complain about because I loved that movie. Also: DAYUM DANIEL DAY LEWIS LOOKS GOOD.
"I'LL BE DOING IT ON MY BLOG. RICKYGERVAIS.COM." LOVE.
Felicity Huffman is going to talk about the show tonight. She's aging really well. I wish she'd leave Desperate Housewifes so I would be interested in watching her in something again. She's introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. This is where everyone goes to the bathroom.
Jane Krakowski and THE GREAT NPH are presenting Best Actor in a TV Series Drama and Best Actress in a TV Series Drama
Best Actor in a TV Series Drama: Michael C. Hall for Dexter Ok. I'm cool with this. He deserves it (FOR GAMER ahem). But seriously, we all know I was rooting for Hamm. But good for him.
Best Actress in a TV Series Drama: Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife Meh. I'm fairly disappointed because I wanted January to win. It takes a lot of skill for me to hate Betty Draper that much.
Harrison Ford (Han Solo, my first love), is presenting clips from Up in the Air. Also, I'd still hit it, Mr. Ford.
Cher and Christina Aguleria are here to give me nightmares and present Best Original Song in a Motion Picture and Best Original Score.
Best Original Song in a Motion Picture: The Weary Kind from the film Crazy Heart YES. SUCK IT BONO, THIS SONG MAKES ME WEEP.
Best Original Score: Michael Giachinno for Up THANK GOD. YAY MICHAEL.
Amy Adams and Josh "Hotass" Brolin are presenting Best Miniseries or TV Movie.
Best Miniseries or TV Movie: Grey Gardens Another one I called! I haven't seen it. To be honest I'd rather see the original documentary. To be honest, I'm just glad Little Dorrit didn't win. I'm still bitter that they stole Generation Kill's Emmy.
STANLEY TUCCI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I DO. OMG. AND TOM HANKS. Tom Hanks is here to present clips from Julie and Julia and be awesome.
Colin Farrell is here to present Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical.
MERYL STREEP IS FLAWLESS.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical: Meryl Streep for Julie and Julia HELL TO THE YEAH. She's my goddess.
T-BONE STREEP. omg omg omg classy and beautiful.
Another classy lady, Helen "Mommy Helen" Mirren is here to present clips from Precious.
Her dress is gorgeous.
Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington are here to look like humans and present Best Actor and Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie.
Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance Nice! I'm happy about this, though I would have loved for Kenneth Branaugh.
KEVIN BACON IS SO DRUNK OMG.
Best Acress in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens Good for her! What I said earlier still stands though. I like that Billy Connelly is standing for her, that's just adorable.
Really, we're going to promote The Bounty Hunter? ok.
Cameron Diaz is here to look trashy and show clips from It's Complicated.
Ricky Gervais, be on my TV always.
Rachel from Friends and That Bloke from 300 are here to present the award for Best Screenplay.
Best Screenplay: Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up In The Air I wanted Quentin to win, of course, but this screenplay was phenominally crafted. This could be a precursor for a sweep.
Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner are here to be irrelevant and present the award for Best Actor in a TV Series Comedy or Musical.
Best Actor in a TV Series Comedy or Musical: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock HELL TO THE YEAH! LOVE YOU BB.
Mr. Samuel L. Jackson sir is here to be classy as fuck and present scenes from Inglourious Basterds.
Oooh and Sofia Lauren is beautiful this evening. And every evening. Of her entire life. She's here to present the award for Best Foreign Language Film.
Best Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon from Germany I LOVE MICHAEL HANEKE SO MUCH! OMG YESSS. SO HAPPY IT'S HIM IF IT'S NOT ALMODOVAR.
Zach Levi and Amy Poehler are here to quip and be awesome and omg Matt Damon. Oh yeah and Best TV Series Drama.
Best TV Series Drama: MAD MEN YESSSS I WAS SO SCARED IT WAS GONNA LOSE TO DEXTER BUT OMG YESS. MATT WEINER OMG YAY. JON HAMM HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. WHAT IS UP WITH VINNY'S HAIR. WHERE IS RICH? WHAT IS GOING ON. OMG I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
Taylor "Jailbait" Lautner is here to tempt me to sin and show clips from (500) Days of Summer, a movie I had even less interest in than New Moon.
That Guy from Gossip Girl that isn't Chuck Bass and Kristen Bell are here to present Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series.
Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series: Chloe Sevingy for Big Love That award should have been Jane's.
Ricky Gervais so cute. I want to hug him.
Halle Berry is here to present Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture.
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds YES. TOTALLY DESERVED. YESSSS.
Robert DeNiro and Leonardo DiCaprio are here to be THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE ROOM and present the Cecille B. Demille award to Martin Scorcese.
I want Marty to be my grandpa. I love him so much, I am getting into his back films and omg this is perfect.
SEX WITH A 35MM REEL. OMG. This is incredible.
I LOVE MONTAGES. I want to see every one of these films. I am woefully underinformed on him. Casino is the first R rated film I ever saw. It was on TV in my Uncle Walter's house when I was a kid and he didn't change the channel. That's how I tell time in my life. Not by important events, but important movies.
I want to be able to say that I eat, sleep, and breathe film. This speech is making me cry.
Jodie Foster is here looking awesome and presenting clips from The Hurt Locker (my choice for best picture, sorry IB).
"I've had a couple, not gonna lie to you." Me too Ricky.
OMG MEL GIBSON IS GOING TO KILL RICKY GERVAIS. And talk present the award for Best Director.
Best Director: James Cameron for Avatar DO YOU WANT ME TO TRASH YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS? JESUS NO. BOOOO. BOOOOO
Kiefer Sutherland and that girl from House are here to present the award for Best TV Series Comedy or Musical.
Best TV Series Musical or Comedy: Glee WOW. After only half a season I did not expect that. Good on them, but I wish it would have been nominated next year, after a full season. UNPOPULAR OPINION IS UNPOPULAR.
BRADLEY COOPER AND JUSTIN BARTHA ON MY SCREEN. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD PUT IT IN MY VAGINA. uhm also clips from The Hangover.
Reese Witherspoon is here to annoy me with her face and present the award for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy.
Best Picture Musical or Comedy: The Hangover YES. Y-E-S. AND THE DOUG SONG IS PLAYING. THE DAN BAND IS IN A GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD WINNER.
Blahblahblah Governator introduces Avatar. Blah.
Mickey Rourke is here with his insane hat and snakeskin lapels to present Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama
Best Actress In A Motion Picture Drama: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side If she wins an Oscar I'm going to end it all.
Some Girl is presenting Best Actor in a Musical Or Comedy
Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy: Robert Downey Jr for Sherlock Holmes I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE. I LOVE YOU. ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
Kate Winslet is here to make me question my sexuality and present the award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE OMG OMG OMG.
Julia Roberts is here to be all teeth and present the award for Best Picture Drama.
Best Picture: Avatar This movie was fucking awful. DANCES WITH WOLVES RETROACTIVELY WINS MORE AWARDS. THIS MOVIE WAS TERRIBLE. IT LOOKED PRETTY BUT THERE WAS NO STORY. IF I DIDN'T PAY TWO DOLLARS TO SEE IT, I WOULD HAVE WANTED MY MONEY BACK.
I STILL KIND OF DO.
That's that. See you in March.
7:14 pm, est. First glass of wine
Robert Downey Jr on the red carpet. He's one of the most charming people in show business. One day we'll meet, and he'll think the same of me. He looks AMAZING.
JON HAMM. JON HAMM'S BEARD.
"IT'S RAINING YOU GUYS!" Jon Hamm is so adorable. And his beard is well groomed and he's really well spoken. AND HE NAME DROPPED GLEE AND MODERN FAMILY!
Taylor Lautner. Turn 18. Do it. TURN 18 NOW. GOD YOU'RE TOO HOT TO BE 17.
WHAT'S UP. I'M MARK WAHLBERG. YOU HOST ON E, I PRODUCE ENTOURAGE. SAY HI TO YOUR MOTHER FOR ME.
Anna, darling what are you wearing here? I loved you in CAMP dear. "She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on!"
Not to be weird, but I want to bury my face in Christina Hendricks' chest. She's just so buxom and gorgeous. And her dress was made by Christian Siriano! Win!
Amy Adams is growing on me! She's really cute, and her baby bump is precious.
OMG GUYS IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE BIG SHOW! PUMPED!
RICKY GERVAIS I LOVE YOU. DON'T DISAPPOINT ME! Steve Carell's face right now is awesome. And he's just threatened to kill Ricky. Win. I need GIFs of him giving the thumbs up.
QUALITY NOT QUANTITY! Oh The Office.
MATT DAMON THINKS RICKY'S FUNNY. HE'S SMILING.
I am starting to fear for Ricky's safety after the show. Kiefer is going to end him, Vampire David style.
Nicole Kidman is going to present the award for Best Supporting Actress.
Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique for Precious Called it! Fast track her to the Oscar.
She looks beautiful, and her speech is killing me right now. She is fabulous. And Lee Daniels is given his due. Phenominal.
That girl from Modern Family and Matthew Fox are presenting Best Actress in a TV Series Musical or Comedy.
Best Actress in a TV Series Musical or Comedy: Toni Collette for The United States of Tara I've never seen this show, but she's one of my favorite actresses.
Jim Parsons and Lorelei Gilmore present Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie.
Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: John Lithgow for Dexter I've heard great things about the Trinity killer. It's the only reason why I want to get caught up with Dexter after the few disappointing bits of the 3rd season that I saw.
omg seeing Michael C. Hall makes me sad. :(
Sir Paul McCartney presenting Best Animated Feature.
Best Animated Feature: Up Pixar's stranglehold on the awards continues. I wish it were Fantastic Mr. Fox.
Kate Hudson was the worst thing about Nine. At any rate, she's presenting clips from Nine, which I can't complain about because I loved that movie. Also: DAYUM DANIEL DAY LEWIS LOOKS GOOD.
"I'LL BE DOING IT ON MY BLOG. RICKYGERVAIS.COM." LOVE.
Felicity Huffman is going to talk about the show tonight. She's aging really well. I wish she'd leave Desperate Housewifes so I would be interested in watching her in something again. She's introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. This is where everyone goes to the bathroom.
Jane Krakowski and THE GREAT NPH are presenting Best Actor in a TV Series Drama and Best Actress in a TV Series Drama
Best Actor in a TV Series Drama: Michael C. Hall for Dexter Ok. I'm cool with this. He deserves it (FOR GAMER ahem). But seriously, we all know I was rooting for Hamm. But good for him.
Best Actress in a TV Series Drama: Julianna Margulies for The Good Wife Meh. I'm fairly disappointed because I wanted January to win. It takes a lot of skill for me to hate Betty Draper that much.
Harrison Ford (Han Solo, my first love), is presenting clips from Up in the Air. Also, I'd still hit it, Mr. Ford.
Cher and Christina Aguleria are here to give me nightmares and present Best Original Song in a Motion Picture and Best Original Score.
Best Original Song in a Motion Picture: The Weary Kind from the film Crazy Heart YES. SUCK IT BONO, THIS SONG MAKES ME WEEP.
Best Original Score: Michael Giachinno for Up THANK GOD. YAY MICHAEL.
Amy Adams and Josh "Hotass" Brolin are presenting Best Miniseries or TV Movie.
Best Miniseries or TV Movie: Grey Gardens Another one I called! I haven't seen it. To be honest I'd rather see the original documentary. To be honest, I'm just glad Little Dorrit didn't win. I'm still bitter that they stole Generation Kill's Emmy.
STANLEY TUCCI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I DO. OMG. AND TOM HANKS. Tom Hanks is here to present clips from Julie and Julia and be awesome.
Colin Farrell is here to present Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical.
MERYL STREEP IS FLAWLESS.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical: Meryl Streep for Julie and Julia HELL TO THE YEAH. She's my goddess.
T-BONE STREEP. omg omg omg classy and beautiful.
Another classy lady, Helen "Mommy Helen" Mirren is here to present clips from Precious.
Her dress is gorgeous.
Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington are here to look like humans and present Best Actor and Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie.
Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance Nice! I'm happy about this, though I would have loved for Kenneth Branaugh.
KEVIN BACON IS SO DRUNK OMG.
Best Acress in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Drew Barrymore for Grey Gardens Good for her! What I said earlier still stands though. I like that Billy Connelly is standing for her, that's just adorable.
Really, we're going to promote The Bounty Hunter? ok.
Cameron Diaz is here to look trashy and show clips from It's Complicated.
Ricky Gervais, be on my TV always.
Rachel from Friends and That Bloke from 300 are here to present the award for Best Screenplay.
Best Screenplay: Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner for Up In The Air I wanted Quentin to win, of course, but this screenplay was phenominally crafted. This could be a precursor for a sweep.
Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner are here to be irrelevant and present the award for Best Actor in a TV Series Comedy or Musical.
Best Actor in a TV Series Comedy or Musical: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock HELL TO THE YEAH! LOVE YOU BB.
Mr. Samuel L. Jackson sir is here to be classy as fuck and present scenes from Inglourious Basterds.
Oooh and Sofia Lauren is beautiful this evening. And every evening. Of her entire life. She's here to present the award for Best Foreign Language Film.
Best Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon from Germany I LOVE MICHAEL HANEKE SO MUCH! OMG YESSS. SO HAPPY IT'S HIM IF IT'S NOT ALMODOVAR.
Zach Levi and Amy Poehler are here to quip and be awesome and omg Matt Damon. Oh yeah and Best TV Series Drama.
Best TV Series Drama: MAD MEN YESSSS I WAS SO SCARED IT WAS GONNA LOSE TO DEXTER BUT OMG YESS. MATT WEINER OMG YAY. JON HAMM HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. WHAT IS UP WITH VINNY'S HAIR. WHERE IS RICH? WHAT IS GOING ON. OMG I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
Taylor "Jailbait" Lautner is here to tempt me to sin and show clips from (500) Days of Summer, a movie I had even less interest in than New Moon.
That Guy from Gossip Girl that isn't Chuck Bass and Kristen Bell are here to present Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series.
Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series: Chloe Sevingy for Big Love That award should have been Jane's.
Ricky Gervais so cute. I want to hug him.
Halle Berry is here to present Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture.
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds YES. TOTALLY DESERVED. YESSSS.
Robert DeNiro and Leonardo DiCaprio are here to be THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE ROOM and present the Cecille B. Demille award to Martin Scorcese.
I want Marty to be my grandpa. I love him so much, I am getting into his back films and omg this is perfect.
SEX WITH A 35MM REEL. OMG. This is incredible.
I LOVE MONTAGES. I want to see every one of these films. I am woefully underinformed on him. Casino is the first R rated film I ever saw. It was on TV in my Uncle Walter's house when I was a kid and he didn't change the channel. That's how I tell time in my life. Not by important events, but important movies.
I want to be able to say that I eat, sleep, and breathe film. This speech is making me cry.
Jodie Foster is here looking awesome and presenting clips from The Hurt Locker (my choice for best picture, sorry IB).
"I've had a couple, not gonna lie to you." Me too Ricky.
OMG MEL GIBSON IS GOING TO KILL RICKY GERVAIS. And talk present the award for Best Director.
Best Director: James Cameron for Avatar DO YOU WANT ME TO TRASH YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS? JESUS NO. BOOOO. BOOOOO
Kiefer Sutherland and that girl from House are here to present the award for Best TV Series Comedy or Musical.
Best TV Series Musical or Comedy: Glee WOW. After only half a season I did not expect that. Good on them, but I wish it would have been nominated next year, after a full season. UNPOPULAR OPINION IS UNPOPULAR.
BRADLEY COOPER AND JUSTIN BARTHA ON MY SCREEN. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD PUT IT IN MY VAGINA. uhm also clips from The Hangover.
Reese Witherspoon is here to annoy me with her face and present the award for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy.
Best Picture Musical or Comedy: The Hangover YES. Y-E-S. AND THE DOUG SONG IS PLAYING. THE DAN BAND IS IN A GOLDEN GLOBE AWARD WINNER.
Blahblahblah Governator introduces Avatar. Blah.
Mickey Rourke is here with his insane hat and snakeskin lapels to present Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama
Best Actress In A Motion Picture Drama: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side If she wins an Oscar I'm going to end it all.
Some Girl is presenting Best Actor in a Musical Or Comedy
Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy: Robert Downey Jr for Sherlock Holmes I LOVE YOU FOREVER. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE. I LOVE YOU. ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
Kate Winslet is here to make me question my sexuality and present the award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE OMG OMG OMG.
Julia Roberts is here to be all teeth and present the award for Best Picture Drama.
Best Picture: Avatar This movie was fucking awful. DANCES WITH WOLVES RETROACTIVELY WINS MORE AWARDS. THIS MOVIE WAS TERRIBLE. IT LOOKED PRETTY BUT THERE WAS NO STORY. IF I DIDN'T PAY TWO DOLLARS TO SEE IT, I WOULD HAVE WANTED MY MONEY BACK.
I STILL KIND OF DO.
That's that. See you in March.