”Sweetie, do you want to get Miss Kitty that pole we saw in the store the other day?” I turned and smiled at Willow, Miss Kitty playing with the hem of my jeans
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She got up out of the bed and that scared me, her actions and motions did nothing to ease that fear.
I turned slowly, my face twisted with worry at her obvious distress as she began to talk. My stomach dropped.
"I...I cut out of school early. Wanted to hang out with everyone. No one was home, and I...I went up stairs to see if you guys were there. But when I entered Willow's room..."
I looked at Dawnie confused. "W-willow and I were in her room? Why was I in Willow's room? I..." I don't remember, there's a lot of blank spaces right now.
"She was so cold, her eyes were...empty...I was too late. I couldn't save her Tara...I-I couldn't do it. I'm so so sorry..."
I never thought that a person's heart could physically break but I think mine just did. "W-what...n-no...sh-she...no..." I was whimpering and my voice was low. She couldn't be, she was finally getting things right in her life. We had coffee together and...I don't remember anything after that.
I felt the tears running down my face and this pain in my chest, I wasn't sure what it was for. The grief that spread through my body, seeing Dawn so upset, not knowing and remembering what happend.
Willow....Willow was gone.
I put my hand over my mouth and started to sob, my body shaking, my shoulder pulling but that was the last thing on my mind. I don't think I've ever felt so lost.
"W-willow and I were in her room? Why was I in Willow's room? I...W-what...n-no...sh-she...no..."
Tara's reaction cut into me, hurt so badly. I stood there, frozen, staring at her sob. The tears started coming in torrents and I was, once again, sobbing. That was when I started rambling incoherently.
"You two were...were back together and...and everything as going to be ok...happy again." Feeling a bit dizzy, I fell into the chair near me, next to the bed.
I put my head in my hands, gasping for breath as I cried. "Buffy made W-Warren mad...very mad...he came to kill her...shot her...shot you...shot Willow..."
Lifting my head slowly, I looked at Tara. "Y-you and Xander are all I have left." I barely managed to squeak those words out. Once again I placed my head in my hands, and drowned myself in a pool of tears.
Taking a deep - and painful - breath I wiped my eyes and looked up at Dawnie as she started rambling on, the words she was saying cut into me.
"You two were...were back together and...and everything as going to be ok...happy again....Buffy made W-Warren mad...very mad...he came to kill her...shot her...shot you...shot Willow..."
"Buffy....he shot h-her..." I swallowed hard, opening my mouth to ask her...but she answered my question before I even asked.
"Y-you and Xander are all I have left."
"Ohh...oh Dawnie..." I choked out. Slowly, painfully slow, I started to pull myself out of the bed, pulling the wires off of me and the IV out of my arm. I could worry about all that later. She needed me.
Not worrying about what I was wearing or the fiery pain in my shoulder I fell to the ground next to her chair and put her hands in mine. "Ohhh sweetie..." I reached up with my good arm and started petting her hair, resting my head against hers. "I-I'm here...ok, I'm always here. I-I'm not going a-anywhere..." I felt the tears run down my face as I held her as best I could. I didn't know what else to do.
Breathing was becoming so hard for me, I was crying so hard it hurt me. Hurt my heart, hurt my insides. Felt as if the pain would never go. Suddenly all the monitors started going crazy, and that was when I felt Tara. Her words barely registered, her promise to stay, but no one can be certain of a thing like that.
Our heads resting against each other, my hands with hers, we rocked, racked with nothing but our misery and grief. Both of our hopes for happiness gone, all from the hateful hands of Warren.
Swallowing hard I tried to speak, in small gasping breaths. "Xander left...I think...I think he went to-to find Warren. He's been gone for a long time...Tara, I'm scared. I can't lose anyone else. I've lost everyone...my whole family, gone."
"Tara...they're never coming back, ever. Buffy's gone, Willow's gone...and I-I don't understand why. Will someone please explain to me why this had to happen" Pulling back slightly I looked into her eyes, pleading with my own, just for answers...for something. Anything.
"X-xander will be ok sweetie, I'm here and I'm ok. Everything will be alright." I felt bad because those words sounded hallow and dead to my own ears.
I held her as tight as I could, it hurt me to see her so broken. Then again I wasn't much better then her right now, I just knew that I had to hold it together for her and Xander right now. There'd be time for me to fall apart later.
Pulling back I looked at her face, running my hand down her cheek and trying to wipe away a few tears. "We have each other. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm not leaving you. Believe that." I was surprised at my own conviction but what I said was true. She's lost so much in such a short time it wasn't fair and if I could help it I was going to help her stay together.
"I can't tell you why Dawnie, nobody had a why for me when my mamma died. I don't think we're m-meant to know why. We just have to go on with what we have. You have me." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead and held her close to me, ignoring the wet warmth that I felt running down my back.
Being in Tara's arms was the most comforting feeling that I had felt in a long time. But...but I knew that she didn't believe half of what she said.
What I also knew was that I was tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of everything bad that ever happened to us. We didn't deserve any of it. There are so many bad people out there that deserved it so much more than us. I mean, come on, we saved the world, many times, how is this at all fair.
Taking a deep breath I steadied myself, my sobs slowed to just silent tears, and I pulled away from Tara. Looking into her eyes, sniffling. "You...you should get back in bed. You're hurt, and you need to rest. I-I should go look for Xander." Too much hospital time for me, I need out, but I shouldn't leave her...god I am so lost.
"You...you should get back in bed. You're hurt, and you need to rest. I-I should go look for Xander."
I sighed and ran my hand over her face, brushing her hair aside. "I'm w-worried about you sweetie. That's my only concern." She's all the family I have left. I was all she had left and I was going to do whatever I could to be there for her.
Slowly, I got to my feet, pulling her with me. "Come on honey, w-why don't we see what we can do about your clothes and getting you some-something to eat?" I smiled warmly at her, feeling wet warmth running down my back. I started to walk with her out of the room when I felt very odd. Dizzy in a way.
I blinked a few times and looked down at her, trying to get the room to stop spinning. After a while it did stop spinning...it faded to black.
I turned slowly, my face twisted with worry at her obvious distress as she began to talk. My stomach dropped.
"I...I cut out of school early. Wanted to hang out with everyone. No one was home, and I...I went up stairs to see if you guys were there. But when I entered Willow's room..."
I looked at Dawnie confused. "W-willow and I were in her room? Why was I in Willow's room? I..." I don't remember, there's a lot of blank spaces right now.
"She was so cold, her eyes were...empty...I was too late. I couldn't save her Tara...I-I couldn't do it. I'm so so sorry..."
I never thought that a person's heart could physically break but I think mine just did. "W-what...n-no...sh-she...no..." I was whimpering and my voice was low. She couldn't be, she was finally getting things right in her life. We had coffee together and...I don't remember anything after that.
I felt the tears running down my face and this pain in my chest, I wasn't sure what it was for. The grief that spread through my body, seeing Dawn so upset, not knowing and remembering what happend.
Willow....Willow was gone.
I put my hand over my mouth and started to sob, my body shaking, my shoulder pulling but that was the last thing on my mind. I don't think I've ever felt so lost.
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Tara's reaction cut into me, hurt so badly. I stood there, frozen, staring at her sob. The tears started coming in torrents and I was, once again, sobbing. That was when I started rambling incoherently.
"You two were...were back together and...and everything as going to be ok...happy again." Feeling a bit dizzy, I fell into the chair near me, next to the bed.
I put my head in my hands, gasping for breath as I cried. "Buffy made W-Warren mad...very mad...he came to kill her...shot her...shot you...shot Willow..."
Lifting my head slowly, I looked at Tara. "Y-you and Xander are all I have left." I barely managed to squeak those words out. Once again I placed my head in my hands, and drowned myself in a pool of tears.
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"You two were...were back together and...and everything as going to be ok...happy again....Buffy made W-Warren mad...very mad...he came to kill her...shot her...shot you...shot Willow..."
"Buffy....he shot h-her..." I swallowed hard, opening my mouth to ask her...but she answered my question before I even asked.
"Y-you and Xander are all I have left."
"Ohh...oh Dawnie..." I choked out. Slowly, painfully slow, I started to pull myself out of the bed, pulling the wires off of me and the IV out of my arm. I could worry about all that later. She needed me.
Not worrying about what I was wearing or the fiery pain in my shoulder I fell to the ground next to her chair and put her hands in mine. "Ohhh sweetie..." I reached up with my good arm and started petting her hair, resting my head against hers. "I-I'm here...ok, I'm always here. I-I'm not going a-anywhere..." I felt the tears run down my face as I held her as best I could. I didn't know what else to do.
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Our heads resting against each other, my hands with hers, we rocked, racked with nothing but our misery and grief. Both of our hopes for happiness gone, all from the hateful hands of Warren.
Swallowing hard I tried to speak, in small gasping breaths. "Xander left...I think...I think he went to-to find Warren. He's been gone for a long time...Tara, I'm scared. I can't lose anyone else. I've lost everyone...my whole family, gone."
"Tara...they're never coming back, ever. Buffy's gone, Willow's gone...and I-I don't understand why. Will someone please explain to me why this had to happen" Pulling back slightly I looked into her eyes, pleading with my own, just for answers...for something. Anything.
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I held her as tight as I could, it hurt me to see her so broken. Then again I wasn't much better then her right now, I just knew that I had to hold it together for her and Xander right now. There'd be time for me to fall apart later.
Pulling back I looked at her face, running my hand down her cheek and trying to wipe away a few tears. "We have each other. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm not leaving you. Believe that." I was surprised at my own conviction but what I said was true. She's lost so much in such a short time it wasn't fair and if I could help it I was going to help her stay together.
"I can't tell you why Dawnie, nobody had a why for me when my mamma died. I don't think we're m-meant to know why. We just have to go on with what we have. You have me." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead and held her close to me, ignoring the wet warmth that I felt running down my back.
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What I also knew was that I was tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of everything bad that ever happened to us. We didn't deserve any of it. There are so many bad people out there that deserved it so much more than us. I mean, come on, we saved the world, many times, how is this at all fair.
Taking a deep breath I steadied myself, my sobs slowed to just silent tears, and I pulled away from Tara. Looking into her eyes, sniffling. "You...you should get back in bed. You're hurt, and you need to rest. I-I should go look for Xander." Too much hospital time for me, I need out, but I shouldn't leave her...god I am so lost.
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I sighed and ran my hand over her face, brushing her hair aside. "I'm w-worried about you sweetie. That's my only concern." She's all the family I have left. I was all she had left and I was going to do whatever I could to be there for her.
Slowly, I got to my feet, pulling her with me. "Come on honey, w-why don't we see what we can do about your clothes and getting you some-something to eat?" I smiled warmly at her, feeling wet warmth running down my back. I started to walk with her out of the room when I felt very odd. Dizzy in a way.
I blinked a few times and looked down at her, trying to get the room to stop spinning. After a while it did stop spinning...it faded to black.
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