Something lost and something gained...

[pidonus]

...

She's gone, isn't she?

I... I guess I shouldn't find it strange, or really so saddening that she can return to her world... But... But...

... Is this fear? Is... Is this...

Comments

[badluckbabe]

Heartache.

You're afraid you'll never see her again.

You feel the anxiety that comes from knowing a chapter of your life is closing.

Am I in the general neighborhood would you say?

[pidonus]

Y... Yeah...

[badluckbabe]

That's what I thought.

You're not alone in this one kid.

[pidonus]

Isn't that the truth...

Just... If it weren't for her, would I even still be alive now, let alone free, let alone able to do good?

I owe her so much, and to never repay it...

[badluckbabe]

It does you no good to question what might have been. Hoshi touched alot of peoples lives you know.

All we can do is use the experiences we've had, and the time spent with her to live our lives. She would want us to be happy in all we do.

Live your life, that's how you can repay her.

[pidonus]

R-right, I know that, just...

It makes me scared. What happens when I go back?

[badluckbabe]

As much as I like having plans upon plans upon plans...there's only so much you can do for that.

Investigate magical and technological defenses you can prepare ahead of time and then...just don't think about it.

Who says you'll ever get sent home after all? Look at me. I've been here longer then Hoshi was and I've never even been sent back to my world for a short break like some.

[pidonus]

I... I don't think any defense could navert literally not owning your own soul...

You're right, though, I really shouldn't think about it. It's just hard not to when something like this happens...

[badluckbabe]

Not with that attitude. Haven't you seen enough yet to realize that anything is possible? There was a time I would have thought half the experiences I've had in this world were just a fantasy.

You just need a distraction. To get out and have some fun. To live!

[pidonus]

... You're right, Jinx, I know, but...

... I may never get my old confidence back. But I need to if I'm going to keep moving with my life.

... I feel guilty even thinking about trying to....

[badluckbabe]

It'll take time and practice.

But first and foremost we're going to need to get around these mental blocks of guilt and fear you've put into place.

[pidonus]

... Guilt, sure, but fear?

[badluckbabe]

I think...and this might be just me, that you're still afraid of what you could become if you let your primal nature overwhelm you.

And that if you allow yourself to enjoy who and what you are too much you'll become a slave again, either to someone like your former owner, or to your desires.

Then again, aren't we all a slave to our desires in one way or another?

[pidonus]

I... Guess that's right.

*Pid turns on private mode, and manually private-marks the conversation before here. This requires Jinx's permission.*

But... There's also a conflict, too. It's like half of me wants to, through both power and self, do right by this world, be a hero and face down threats...

While the other half doesn't want any responsibilities. It just wants to seduce people, use them for whatever fun I feel like, and only think ahead enough to avoid getting in trouble for it. She... I, really, could throw the other half out in a heartbeat, but...

[Private and agrees to lock all the previous posts]

[badluckbabe]

You need both halves to be who you really are.

Just like there's part of me that only wants to take care of me and mine, there's another part of me that can't help but want to be a better person for those I care about.

Part of me wants to lie cheat an steal my way to power and respect where part of me wants to expose and overcome other liars, cheaters and thieves.

Re: [Private and agrees to lock all the previous posts]

[pidonus]

Sometimes, one aids the other...

But what when the two seem mutually exclusive?