[fic] Amelia
Title: Amelia
Characters: Eleven/Amy
Word Count: 1141
Rating: PG (fluffy as a kitten)
Summary: He remembers everything; everything he should know and everything he doesn't want to.
Notes: Posted this up on FF.Net a while back, but I expanded on it and thought I'd put it here.
i
"One day I'll forget all this," she says, and it simply breaks his heart. (the left one; the right one is damaged enough)
And it's true; one day (since she's so damn perfectly human) she'll be a dotty old maid with a memory like a soup strainer, and all their adventures and their life together would only exist as a memory within him.
(because remembering is his job; it always has been)
ii
He sometimes looks back on when she was a child. He sometimes wonders what would have happened if he actually had come back in five minutes (like he promised) and had whisked her away; an explosive change from bringing along women who always seemed to have a problem staying focused, and who always left (moving on to better things). Raising a child outside the heavy, constricting walls of time and space would ensure that they would never, ever leave him alone, and he might have managed it had he kept his promise and returned.
(in five minutes)
But he'll never know, and there will always be that chance she might slip away.
iii
She has sixteen freckles on her nose, twenty-six on her left cheek and thirty-one on her right (asymmetrical, he thinks). He knows this, but he likes to count anyway, because he has to remind himself that she isn't perfect.
(because if he doesn't remind himself, he might forget)
iv
"A charm bracelet," she observes, looking at the shiny silver chain in his hand, decorated with several miniature shapes. She studies them, exploring the tiny string of ornaments he offers her.
(a cricket bat, a whale, an angel, a fish, a sunflower, a lizard, and an apple)
"You said you didn't want to forget," he says with a smile, holding it before her like it's something precious, "and I figured that a little something like this," he finds a path to her wrist and fastens it carefully (because it is precious), "might aide your memory a bit."
Once it's securely fastened on her she gives her arm an experimental shake, watching the little charms dance around. She looks up at him. "A fish?" she asks.
"Ah, yes," he says instantly, since he had anticipated having to explain this, "you see, I couldn't find any vampires-who-turn-into-alien-fish charms, so I had to settle." She looks at him again and again he has to count the freckles on her cheeks.
"And the lizard?" she questions, rolling the little charm between the tips of her fingers, "I suppose they were fresh out of homo-reptila charms as well?'
(now he has to count the freckles on her arms, too)
"'Fraid so," he says with a smile, and he notices that she's not looking at him. Before he can ask, her hazel eyes lock on his and she holds her delicate wrist in front of him (which happens to have four freckles).
"So every time we go on another adventure, I get another one of these, yeah?"
He looks at her and her face tells him she isn't in a joking mood, so he nods and says yes, and she finally smiles (which relieves something in him).
"Good," she says; and she springs to her feet and in less than an instant she is leaning over the console of the Tardis, one of her legs popped in the air. "Let's add an Eiffel Tower charm, shall we? I've always wanted to see Paris."
(she's always been able to sense when a moment between them is getting too serious, and so she immediately switches gears because she is Amy Pond and she doesn't do serious)
v
In his head he always starts to call her Amelia (Amelia Pond, the little Scottish girl with a crack in her bedroom wall who isn't afraid of anything). But he stops himself when he remembers that she grew up and she's Amy now (Amy Pond, the ginger kissogram who has an accent and who still isn't afraid of anything). It's very important that he break this habit; because if he ever slips up and does call her by her given name then she might figure out that he still thinks of her as a child, since that's what he wanted her to be.
vi
He's not sure if it happened anymore (that kiss). He doesn't want to admit to himself that she's kissed dozens of men (more, probably), and the only kiss she's ever given him was out of love for someone else.
(but now that someone else doesn't exist, so he's not quite clear on whether it still happened. He's afraid to ask)
vii
"Do everything I tell you. Don't ask stupid questions. And don't wander off.."
Those were the first rules he ever gave her, and he doesn't expect her to follow any of them. He never did.
viii
"You can't do everything, Doctor," she says, cupping his face in her hands, "no one can ask you to do everything. You can only do your very best. That's what you did; that's what you always do. I can't ask any more of you than that, and I promise that I never will."
(she's the first person he's ever met who doesn't expect him to be Superman. She only expects him to be her Raggedy Doctor, so that's exactly what he'll do.)
ix
(he no longer doubts her willingness to stay; whenever he looks her dead in the eyes they always tell him that she's not going to leave his side if she can help it. So he'll just have to make sure she'll never have to help it, so that they may remain Pond and The Doctor until the end of time because when her life ends then so will his)
"You look human."
"So do you."
"I am."
"I'm not."
"You're more human than you think, Doctor."
(because when he's with her, he feels just as perfectly human as she is)
x
What he's feeling isn't wrong. He doesn't feel anything (so he tells himself). He is too worn and aged and tired to feel. He isn't staring at her right now and she isn't staring back and they aren't doing anything wrong because they're not doing anything at all.
(maybe she'd be happier if he hadn't filled her childhood with extraordinary fantasies, lies and broken promises. Maybe, but hopefully not.)
xi
He's an old old man and she's a young young woman but when she presses her body up against his that's the very last thing on his mind (until he remembers who she is). He doesn't stop.
xii
(he imagines her being so much smaller)
xiii
"I'll come back. I promise."
"Fine. Just don't say five minutes."
xiv
He doesn't like to turn his back on her. Because he knows, he knows that whenever he does there's a part of her that truly believes he may never come back.
(he also knows she may be right)
crossposted to eleven_amy and elevenfic
Characters: Eleven/Amy
Word Count: 1141
Rating: PG (fluffy as a kitten)
Summary: He remembers everything; everything he should know and everything he doesn't want to.
Notes: Posted this up on FF.Net a while back, but I expanded on it and thought I'd put it here.
i
"One day I'll forget all this," she says, and it simply breaks his heart. (the left one; the right one is damaged enough)
And it's true; one day (since she's so damn perfectly human) she'll be a dotty old maid with a memory like a soup strainer, and all their adventures and their life together would only exist as a memory within him.
(because remembering is his job; it always has been)
ii
He sometimes looks back on when she was a child. He sometimes wonders what would have happened if he actually had come back in five minutes (like he promised) and had whisked her away; an explosive change from bringing along women who always seemed to have a problem staying focused, and who always left (moving on to better things). Raising a child outside the heavy, constricting walls of time and space would ensure that they would never, ever leave him alone, and he might have managed it had he kept his promise and returned.
(in five minutes)
But he'll never know, and there will always be that chance she might slip away.
iii
She has sixteen freckles on her nose, twenty-six on her left cheek and thirty-one on her right (asymmetrical, he thinks). He knows this, but he likes to count anyway, because he has to remind himself that she isn't perfect.
(because if he doesn't remind himself, he might forget)
iv
"A charm bracelet," she observes, looking at the shiny silver chain in his hand, decorated with several miniature shapes. She studies them, exploring the tiny string of ornaments he offers her.
(a cricket bat, a whale, an angel, a fish, a sunflower, a lizard, and an apple)
"You said you didn't want to forget," he says with a smile, holding it before her like it's something precious, "and I figured that a little something like this," he finds a path to her wrist and fastens it carefully (because it is precious), "might aide your memory a bit."
Once it's securely fastened on her she gives her arm an experimental shake, watching the little charms dance around. She looks up at him. "A fish?" she asks.
"Ah, yes," he says instantly, since he had anticipated having to explain this, "you see, I couldn't find any vampires-who-turn-into-alien-fish charms, so I had to settle." She looks at him again and again he has to count the freckles on her cheeks.
"And the lizard?" she questions, rolling the little charm between the tips of her fingers, "I suppose they were fresh out of homo-reptila charms as well?'
(now he has to count the freckles on her arms, too)
"'Fraid so," he says with a smile, and he notices that she's not looking at him. Before he can ask, her hazel eyes lock on his and she holds her delicate wrist in front of him (which happens to have four freckles).
"So every time we go on another adventure, I get another one of these, yeah?"
He looks at her and her face tells him she isn't in a joking mood, so he nods and says yes, and she finally smiles (which relieves something in him).
"Good," she says; and she springs to her feet and in less than an instant she is leaning over the console of the Tardis, one of her legs popped in the air. "Let's add an Eiffel Tower charm, shall we? I've always wanted to see Paris."
(she's always been able to sense when a moment between them is getting too serious, and so she immediately switches gears because she is Amy Pond and she doesn't do serious)
v
In his head he always starts to call her Amelia (Amelia Pond, the little Scottish girl with a crack in her bedroom wall who isn't afraid of anything). But he stops himself when he remembers that she grew up and she's Amy now (Amy Pond, the ginger kissogram who has an accent and who still isn't afraid of anything). It's very important that he break this habit; because if he ever slips up and does call her by her given name then she might figure out that he still thinks of her as a child, since that's what he wanted her to be.
vi
He's not sure if it happened anymore (that kiss). He doesn't want to admit to himself that she's kissed dozens of men (more, probably), and the only kiss she's ever given him was out of love for someone else.
(but now that someone else doesn't exist, so he's not quite clear on whether it still happened. He's afraid to ask)
vii
"Do everything I tell you. Don't ask stupid questions. And don't wander off.."
Those were the first rules he ever gave her, and he doesn't expect her to follow any of them. He never did.
viii
"You can't do everything, Doctor," she says, cupping his face in her hands, "no one can ask you to do everything. You can only do your very best. That's what you did; that's what you always do. I can't ask any more of you than that, and I promise that I never will."
(she's the first person he's ever met who doesn't expect him to be Superman. She only expects him to be her Raggedy Doctor, so that's exactly what he'll do.)
ix
(he no longer doubts her willingness to stay; whenever he looks her dead in the eyes they always tell him that she's not going to leave his side if she can help it. So he'll just have to make sure she'll never have to help it, so that they may remain Pond and The Doctor until the end of time because when her life ends then so will his)
"You look human."
"So do you."
"I am."
"I'm not."
"You're more human than you think, Doctor."
(because when he's with her, he feels just as perfectly human as she is)
x
What he's feeling isn't wrong. He doesn't feel anything (so he tells himself). He is too worn and aged and tired to feel. He isn't staring at her right now and she isn't staring back and they aren't doing anything wrong because they're not doing anything at all.
(maybe she'd be happier if he hadn't filled her childhood with extraordinary fantasies, lies and broken promises. Maybe, but hopefully not.)
xi
He's an old old man and she's a young young woman but when she presses her body up against his that's the very last thing on his mind (until he remembers who she is). He doesn't stop.
xii
(he imagines her being so much smaller)
xiii
"I'll come back. I promise."
"Fine. Just don't say five minutes."
xiv
He doesn't like to turn his back on her. Because he knows, he knows that whenever he does there's a part of her that truly believes he may never come back.
(he also knows she may be right)
crossposted to eleven_amy and elevenfic