I don't want a heart or a brain anymore
I wonder if Josh ever thinks about me. Not like sexually, just do I ever cross his mind when he's not at work. I want to feel loved or be loved. I always think about him. I don't want to. I don't know what to do to stop thinking about him. I've started yoga, therapy. Just things to keep my mind occupied. But, moments like this-I still have time to think about him. And over think whatever he does or doesn't do. What do I have to do? I know I want to move. He won't let me transfer or leave him. WHY?
Why does my life have to be so difficult? What do I have that he doesn't want to let go of? I don't see it.
We went to dinner last Friday-he paid! He did use the gift card I gave him too. I told him that he couldn't have a girlfriend. The other day he said he needed to clean his car for his date. I was like "WHAT?" Like, I went off on him again. Yesterday, he asked me if he could ever have a gf. I said there was a time. He said will it ever come back? He can have a girlfriend if it's me. I JUST told him on Saturday that I might tell him he can have a gf, but I don't really mean it. Yesterday, I was complaining about Jay again and I said whatever, I don't care anymore. Then, I said I do, but I don't because it doesn't matter. And he said is this like when you say I can have a gf, but you don't really mean it. I was like exactly!
Last week I asked Josh that if I could remove the part of my brain that makes me like him, then meet him again if I would start liking him again. He said yes. I really do boost his ego. I just want him to tell me everyday that he doesn't like me. That would make my life so much easier. I would be able to let him go. I wouldn't be doing this...
Crystal stepped down because Jay's a fucking dumbass. I hate him so much. He used to be fine, but now he's a loser. He's worthless. Sometimes, he sells a lot and he writes people up. That's it! He barely does his job right. He NEVER runs movies. Even when we help him out, he still doesn't complete everything. He wants to move up in the company and tries to be anal, but can't do his own fucking job. How the FUCK can you tell me how to do my job when you're worthless. He would constantly yell at Crystal about what she didn't do the night before. When he closes, he ends up staying until like 1:00 in the fucking morning. How is that even possible? He can suck it up and fucking do some shit in the morning. All we do is get there every night to close the fucking store. It's always busier in the day. Tell me how we're supposed to do our fucking job right AND get out on time if he doesn't do his. He's a piece of shit. THEN, he wanted me to close on a night before I have to wake up and work a double. I'm like are you fucking kidding me? Seriously-he has a meeting so he doesn't want to do it. Dude, get over yourself. All you fucking do in meetings is sit there. I HATE HIM!!!! I tell Josh everyday. I know he can see that other people hate him as well. Anthony has even started complaining about him. Just thinking about it makes me want to call him every name in the book. If one of your shift leaders steps down and the other threatens to quit and complains about your assistant, doesn't that tell you something? whatever...
Why does my life have to be so difficult? What do I have that he doesn't want to let go of? I don't see it.
We went to dinner last Friday-he paid! He did use the gift card I gave him too. I told him that he couldn't have a girlfriend. The other day he said he needed to clean his car for his date. I was like "WHAT?" Like, I went off on him again. Yesterday, he asked me if he could ever have a gf. I said there was a time. He said will it ever come back? He can have a girlfriend if it's me. I JUST told him on Saturday that I might tell him he can have a gf, but I don't really mean it. Yesterday, I was complaining about Jay again and I said whatever, I don't care anymore. Then, I said I do, but I don't because it doesn't matter. And he said is this like when you say I can have a gf, but you don't really mean it. I was like exactly!
Last week I asked Josh that if I could remove the part of my brain that makes me like him, then meet him again if I would start liking him again. He said yes. I really do boost his ego. I just want him to tell me everyday that he doesn't like me. That would make my life so much easier. I would be able to let him go. I wouldn't be doing this...
Crystal stepped down because Jay's a fucking dumbass. I hate him so much. He used to be fine, but now he's a loser. He's worthless. Sometimes, he sells a lot and he writes people up. That's it! He barely does his job right. He NEVER runs movies. Even when we help him out, he still doesn't complete everything. He wants to move up in the company and tries to be anal, but can't do his own fucking job. How the FUCK can you tell me how to do my job when you're worthless. He would constantly yell at Crystal about what she didn't do the night before. When he closes, he ends up staying until like 1:00 in the fucking morning. How is that even possible? He can suck it up and fucking do some shit in the morning. All we do is get there every night to close the fucking store. It's always busier in the day. Tell me how we're supposed to do our fucking job right AND get out on time if he doesn't do his. He's a piece of shit. THEN, he wanted me to close on a night before I have to wake up and work a double. I'm like are you fucking kidding me? Seriously-he has a meeting so he doesn't want to do it. Dude, get over yourself. All you fucking do in meetings is sit there. I HATE HIM!!!! I tell Josh everyday. I know he can see that other people hate him as well. Anthony has even started complaining about him. Just thinking about it makes me want to call him every name in the book. If one of your shift leaders steps down and the other threatens to quit and complains about your assistant, doesn't that tell you something? whatever...