(no subject)
A lot of people say that Josh and I are already dating because we hang out and talk all the time. I haven't kissed him or anything and I miss him a lot of the time. I hate not talking to him. I know I'm obsessing. A lot of people also say that he seems to like me and that we would make a good couple. HE keeps telling me that if I leave, he'll be mad at me and still won't date me. Only one other person has said that he's cute. I still like him a lot. He'll tease me by putting on a lot of axe. He does get jealous when I talk to other guys. I still say he is the best crush I've ever had. I don't think I can find another like him. I just wish I didn't see him everyday because it's so hard to get over him. If I saw him as much as I see Aaron, I'd be over him by now. Maybe, I'd give another guy a second look. I don't even want to imagine being with another guy right now. I guess having a job is more important than having a boyfriend? It is to him. I just think he's used to it. He's been single his whole life. But, he has to think it's cool that I talk to him and text him. He write back, that has to mean something, right? I mean, if I hate someone and they wrote me I'd take forever to write them back or not write back at all. I just want to stop thinking about him. I want to kiss him once and I want him to hold me. I need to stop dreaming. It's so depressing. I just want one answer to any of these questions. Why can't a guy like me as much or more than I like him? Why do I like guys that I can't have? Why do I continue to like guys knowing they won't like me back or there's nothing they can do about it? Just WHY? I know I'm not desperate. I know I'm not ugly. I just don't understand. It's impossible to be someone's friend if you like them. I don't talk to any of the guys I used to have a crush on. I'm going to go crazy thinking about it. I really do wish from the bottom of my heart that there was some way for the part of my brain that allows me to like guys to be taken out.