Still here...thats about it
Hope you can follow it is totally random thoughts...
So here I am still in Iraq, ready to leave. I am so sick of being here. I am sick of being sick and getting sick. I hate the hospital but yet it seems as though that is where I have spent most of my time. I worked my butt off when I first got here and now I feel like I am slacking. There are people that come and go in your life and you dont realize how much you miss them until they are gone. There are times where I dont want to move on. I dont understand how some people can be so in love and the day after they act as if nothing was wrong when they are no longer together. I was once like that but then I realized that, thats not what I wanted. I didnt want rebounds. I want someone that I can hold on to and someone that I can rely on. You wonder why I am so bitter towards guys...Let me tell you why...they are all the same, cant rely on them, cant count on them for shit and they hurt you no matter what. Sometimes I wish that I could just live my life with no special someone in my life. Other times I wish I was in a serious relationship so that I know I have someone to go to. I just dont want the pain, hurt, suffering and unreliance that you get with a relationship. I thought I knew so much but when I took a step back I realized how much I dont know and much of an idiot I am (can be). I also took a step back and realized that no matter how good of a friend you think you are, your just not a good enough friend. I just want out of this place. I cant take it anymore. I feel like I am in a box and there is no way out.
So here I am still in Iraq, ready to leave. I am so sick of being here. I am sick of being sick and getting sick. I hate the hospital but yet it seems as though that is where I have spent most of my time. I worked my butt off when I first got here and now I feel like I am slacking. There are people that come and go in your life and you dont realize how much you miss them until they are gone. There are times where I dont want to move on. I dont understand how some people can be so in love and the day after they act as if nothing was wrong when they are no longer together. I was once like that but then I realized that, thats not what I wanted. I didnt want rebounds. I want someone that I can hold on to and someone that I can rely on. You wonder why I am so bitter towards guys...Let me tell you why...they are all the same, cant rely on them, cant count on them for shit and they hurt you no matter what. Sometimes I wish that I could just live my life with no special someone in my life. Other times I wish I was in a serious relationship so that I know I have someone to go to. I just dont want the pain, hurt, suffering and unreliance that you get with a relationship. I thought I knew so much but when I took a step back I realized how much I dont know and much of an idiot I am (can be). I also took a step back and realized that no matter how good of a friend you think you are, your just not a good enough friend. I just want out of this place. I cant take it anymore. I feel like I am in a box and there is no way out.