This Vicious Cycle Chapter 27
I hope I'd be forgiven for all the cliffhangers and drama and whatever I've thrown your way throughout the course of the fic with this chapter. :)
So... I hate writing emotions... and I think I'm done with angst for a while... I think I'll go back to silly fics like the 'No touching the dancer' series after TVC wraps up.... any suggestions? I have two plot bunnies in my head and after I write them, maybe I'll take prompts from you guys. Hehehe....
Oh yeah, this is NOT the last chapter. :D
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Thanks to Suz for the beta.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
“I’m tired, Derek.”
Derek felt fear slowly grip him, clenching his heart.
“What…what do you mean?” he stammered out.
“I’m tired” Addison repeated. Heaving in a big breath, she continued. “I’m so tired of hurting, tired of being angry. I want this to end.”
Derek’s head swam when he heard the word ‘end’. He felt his stomach bottom out and made a move to reach for Addison, a protest forming on his lips.
But Addison held up her hands to stop him.
“It’s time to end this, Derek. It’s time to end this vicious cycle we’ve been going around. It’s time to stop the lies, the revenge. The hurt we’ve inflicted, the anger we’ve been holding on to.”
The tears pooling in Addison’s eyes started to make their way down her cheeks.
“I’m done, Derek. I’m done hurting you back.”
Derek choked out the sob he was holding and grasped Addison’s face in his hands. He joined their foreheads together while she held on to his wrists, tears spilling from both of their eyes.
“The past three months had been hell for me, for both of us. And I’m ashamed to admit that I really wanted to hurt you the way you’ve hurt me. I needed to. I needed to hurt you so that I would feel vindicated. I was angry, so angry. I hope you understand…. No. I know you understand why.”
“I do, Addie. I do.”
“But you have to know, Derek, I was also hurting myself when I hurt you” Addison confessed, her breath hitching from the tears.
“Shh…” Derek said soothingly, one hand leaving her face to draw comforting circles on her back. “I know. And I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Addison nodded her head. “I know” she said as she drew her husband closer to her for a real embrace, their heads resting on each other’s shoulders.
“I’m not afraid anymore. I’m ready. I’m ready to rebuild with you.” Addison said into his neck. Derek tightened his hold on her, tears leaking out of his eyes.
“I’m sorry for the dinner” she said after a few moments of silence in their embrace.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I have to tell you something” Addison began, lifting her head from his shoulder and faced him. “I was with Nathan earlier… when we were supposed to be having dinner.”
Addison felt Derek stiffen and saw a change in his eyes but neither released their hold on each other.
“We were saying goodbye. He’s going back to LA tomorrow.” She felt the tension leave his body. “Spending the past few days with Nathan made me realize some things.”
Derek looked at her questioningly, the now familiar sensation of fear once again creeping in his heart.
“Being with him made me understand in a way what you found appealing in being with Meredith. The ease of being with someone without the problems we were dealing with. Indulging in the escape they represent.”
Addison broke off their embrace and took two steps back from Derek. The fear inside of him increased.
“But the difference, Derek, is that I didn’t let myself be carried away this time.”
There was no accusation in her voice but Derek felt the guilt course through his body.
“Addison, I’m so, so sorry about Meredith. About prom. I should have ended things with her the moment we decided to try. I’m so sorry.” He apologized again.
Addison digested his words and bowed her head. “He wanted me, Derek. And… and we almost kissed tonight.”
Derek felt his heart clench and his breath knocked out from him.
Addison looked up to meet his gaze. “But I stopped him and left.”
Relief washed over Derek in waves.
“Because even with all the hurt we have inflicted and the anger we have harbored for each other, no matter how much each betrayal destroyed us, it is still you. It is still you I want to kiss. It is still you I want to make love to. It is still you I want to end the night with and the first one to see each morning. It is still you I want to share my life with. It is still you I love and will love for always.”
Hearing those words coming directly from his wife brought a burst of emotions to Derek and prompted him to grab the back of her head for a passionate kiss. Addison welcomed his mouth with equal fervor, wrapping her arms around him.
They opened their mouths to each other and when air became an issue, Addison broke the kiss. But Derek only needed a few seconds to gulp air and turned his attention to her neck, where he kissed and sucked. He trailed his mouth up her jaw line towards her ear and whispered a tender ‘I love you’ before capturing an earlobe.
Addison titled her head back to give Derek better access and let out a soft moan. She slid her hands down and grasped his butt to pull him closer. He took off his lips from her neck and found hers for a deep and probing kiss.
Somehow they made it to Addison’s room without breaking their kissing. And somehow they made it to the room barefoot with their tops untucked. Addison led them towards the bed and as the back of Derek’s legs touched their destination, her blouse had found its way to the floor.
She pushed him and Derek fell back then braced himself on his arms, feet staying firmly on the floor. Addison hiked up her skirt and straddled his lap.
“You’re severely over dressed, Doctor” she smilingly said and then raked her nails on his chest.
“What are you going to do about it then?” he asked with a smile of his own.
“This” she replied and then slowly undid his shirt, popping each button teasingly and seductively slow.
Derek closed his eyes as his wife’s hands roamed his chest. He felt the fabric of his shirt open up and then heard Addison’s gasp.
He opened his eyes just in time to see and feel her fingers trace the objects he kept close to his heart - their rings, dangling from a chain around his neck.
“You kept it” she said solemnly, her eyes never drifting away from them, especially to the one in the middle. His wedding ring was nestled between her two rings.
“I…I thought you got rid of it.” Addison said, fingering his ring. “Where was it?”
“I kept it between the pages of ‘Catcher in the Rye’” he answered softly.
The significance of that action brought a fresh batch of tears to Addison’s eyes. The book was a gift from Derek’s dad when he was a kid. A hard to find first edition that Derek treasured and took great care of since childhood. It was one of the few possessions Addison knew Derek took with him when he left New York. And the one item that made her realize that her husband wouldn’t be coming back.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away. After composing herself, Addison took a deep breath and extended her left hand towards Derek. She was ready to take her rings back.
Derek quickly unclasped the chain and took the rings out. He gently slipped her rings back to her finger and then kissed them, uttering a heartfelt ‘I’m sorry’.
In turn, he held out his left hand and offered Addison his ring in his right. Without hesitation, Addison took the ring and slipped it back on.
And just like what he did earlier, she held on to his hand and kissed the ring.
“I’m sorry, too. For everything” she whispered through the kiss.
Derek tenderly placed his hands on her face and pulled Addison for a kiss. This time, their kisses were slow, devoid of the urgency earlier but still passionate. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue past her lips to tangle with hers.
They took off the rest of their clothes slowly, every skin exposed kissed lovingly. Derek gently laid his wife on the bed and carefully settled his body over hers. They were not holding back but took their time to explore each other thoroughly, neither one complaining about the drawn out anticipation. And their pleasure only intensified with the feeling of just being together freely and comfortably without any of their insecurities and doubts weighing them down.
For the first time in a long time, Derek and Addison were perfectly attuned to each other physically and emotionally.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
Derek and Addison were facing each other, snuggling as close as possible and basking quietly in the afterglow of their love making. They were playing with each other’s fingers. Both have been fighting off sleep for the past 20 minutes and were now finally losing the battle.
Derek was already half asleep when Addison’s voice pulled him away from slumber.
“Can we really get past it? Past everything?” she asked timidly.
“We’re already past it” he answered with conviction, grasping her hand and placing it over his heart.
They closed their eyes and then a moment later, Addison spoke again.
“I love you, Derek”
“I love you, Addison”
And they both succumbed to sleep with smiles on their faces.
So... I hate writing emotions... and I think I'm done with angst for a while... I think I'll go back to silly fics like the 'No touching the dancer' series after TVC wraps up.... any suggestions? I have two plot bunnies in my head and after I write them, maybe I'll take prompts from you guys. Hehehe....
Oh yeah, this is NOT the last chapter. :D
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Thanks to Suz for the beta.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
“I’m tired, Derek.”
Derek felt fear slowly grip him, clenching his heart.
“What…what do you mean?” he stammered out.
“I’m tired” Addison repeated. Heaving in a big breath, she continued. “I’m so tired of hurting, tired of being angry. I want this to end.”
Derek’s head swam when he heard the word ‘end’. He felt his stomach bottom out and made a move to reach for Addison, a protest forming on his lips.
But Addison held up her hands to stop him.
“It’s time to end this, Derek. It’s time to end this vicious cycle we’ve been going around. It’s time to stop the lies, the revenge. The hurt we’ve inflicted, the anger we’ve been holding on to.”
The tears pooling in Addison’s eyes started to make their way down her cheeks.
“I’m done, Derek. I’m done hurting you back.”
Derek choked out the sob he was holding and grasped Addison’s face in his hands. He joined their foreheads together while she held on to his wrists, tears spilling from both of their eyes.
“The past three months had been hell for me, for both of us. And I’m ashamed to admit that I really wanted to hurt you the way you’ve hurt me. I needed to. I needed to hurt you so that I would feel vindicated. I was angry, so angry. I hope you understand…. No. I know you understand why.”
“I do, Addie. I do.”
“But you have to know, Derek, I was also hurting myself when I hurt you” Addison confessed, her breath hitching from the tears.
“Shh…” Derek said soothingly, one hand leaving her face to draw comforting circles on her back. “I know. And I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Addison nodded her head. “I know” she said as she drew her husband closer to her for a real embrace, their heads resting on each other’s shoulders.
“I’m not afraid anymore. I’m ready. I’m ready to rebuild with you.” Addison said into his neck. Derek tightened his hold on her, tears leaking out of his eyes.
“I’m sorry for the dinner” she said after a few moments of silence in their embrace.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I have to tell you something” Addison began, lifting her head from his shoulder and faced him. “I was with Nathan earlier… when we were supposed to be having dinner.”
Addison felt Derek stiffen and saw a change in his eyes but neither released their hold on each other.
“We were saying goodbye. He’s going back to LA tomorrow.” She felt the tension leave his body. “Spending the past few days with Nathan made me realize some things.”
Derek looked at her questioningly, the now familiar sensation of fear once again creeping in his heart.
“Being with him made me understand in a way what you found appealing in being with Meredith. The ease of being with someone without the problems we were dealing with. Indulging in the escape they represent.”
Addison broke off their embrace and took two steps back from Derek. The fear inside of him increased.
“But the difference, Derek, is that I didn’t let myself be carried away this time.”
There was no accusation in her voice but Derek felt the guilt course through his body.
“Addison, I’m so, so sorry about Meredith. About prom. I should have ended things with her the moment we decided to try. I’m so sorry.” He apologized again.
Addison digested his words and bowed her head. “He wanted me, Derek. And… and we almost kissed tonight.”
Derek felt his heart clench and his breath knocked out from him.
Addison looked up to meet his gaze. “But I stopped him and left.”
Relief washed over Derek in waves.
“Because even with all the hurt we have inflicted and the anger we have harbored for each other, no matter how much each betrayal destroyed us, it is still you. It is still you I want to kiss. It is still you I want to make love to. It is still you I want to end the night with and the first one to see each morning. It is still you I want to share my life with. It is still you I love and will love for always.”
Hearing those words coming directly from his wife brought a burst of emotions to Derek and prompted him to grab the back of her head for a passionate kiss. Addison welcomed his mouth with equal fervor, wrapping her arms around him.
They opened their mouths to each other and when air became an issue, Addison broke the kiss. But Derek only needed a few seconds to gulp air and turned his attention to her neck, where he kissed and sucked. He trailed his mouth up her jaw line towards her ear and whispered a tender ‘I love you’ before capturing an earlobe.
Addison titled her head back to give Derek better access and let out a soft moan. She slid her hands down and grasped his butt to pull him closer. He took off his lips from her neck and found hers for a deep and probing kiss.
Somehow they made it to Addison’s room without breaking their kissing. And somehow they made it to the room barefoot with their tops untucked. Addison led them towards the bed and as the back of Derek’s legs touched their destination, her blouse had found its way to the floor.
She pushed him and Derek fell back then braced himself on his arms, feet staying firmly on the floor. Addison hiked up her skirt and straddled his lap.
“You’re severely over dressed, Doctor” she smilingly said and then raked her nails on his chest.
“What are you going to do about it then?” he asked with a smile of his own.
“This” she replied and then slowly undid his shirt, popping each button teasingly and seductively slow.
Derek closed his eyes as his wife’s hands roamed his chest. He felt the fabric of his shirt open up and then heard Addison’s gasp.
He opened his eyes just in time to see and feel her fingers trace the objects he kept close to his heart - their rings, dangling from a chain around his neck.
“You kept it” she said solemnly, her eyes never drifting away from them, especially to the one in the middle. His wedding ring was nestled between her two rings.
“I…I thought you got rid of it.” Addison said, fingering his ring. “Where was it?”
“I kept it between the pages of ‘Catcher in the Rye’” he answered softly.
The significance of that action brought a fresh batch of tears to Addison’s eyes. The book was a gift from Derek’s dad when he was a kid. A hard to find first edition that Derek treasured and took great care of since childhood. It was one of the few possessions Addison knew Derek took with him when he left New York. And the one item that made her realize that her husband wouldn’t be coming back.
Tears spilled down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away. After composing herself, Addison took a deep breath and extended her left hand towards Derek. She was ready to take her rings back.
Derek quickly unclasped the chain and took the rings out. He gently slipped her rings back to her finger and then kissed them, uttering a heartfelt ‘I’m sorry’.
In turn, he held out his left hand and offered Addison his ring in his right. Without hesitation, Addison took the ring and slipped it back on.
And just like what he did earlier, she held on to his hand and kissed the ring.
“I’m sorry, too. For everything” she whispered through the kiss.
Derek tenderly placed his hands on her face and pulled Addison for a kiss. This time, their kisses were slow, devoid of the urgency earlier but still passionate. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue past her lips to tangle with hers.
They took off the rest of their clothes slowly, every skin exposed kissed lovingly. Derek gently laid his wife on the bed and carefully settled his body over hers. They were not holding back but took their time to explore each other thoroughly, neither one complaining about the drawn out anticipation. And their pleasure only intensified with the feeling of just being together freely and comfortably without any of their insecurities and doubts weighing them down.
For the first time in a long time, Derek and Addison were perfectly attuned to each other physically and emotionally.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
Derek and Addison were facing each other, snuggling as close as possible and basking quietly in the afterglow of their love making. They were playing with each other’s fingers. Both have been fighting off sleep for the past 20 minutes and were now finally losing the battle.
Derek was already half asleep when Addison’s voice pulled him away from slumber.
“Can we really get past it? Past everything?” she asked timidly.
“We’re already past it” he answered with conviction, grasping her hand and placing it over his heart.
They closed their eyes and then a moment later, Addison spoke again.
“I love you, Derek”
“I love you, Addison”
And they both succumbed to sleep with smiles on their faces.