This Vicious Cycle Chapter 25
So, I had internet trouble the past few days and I was being lazy hence the late update. Deal.
I'm sure I'll be getting hate mail for this chapter (actually I've been getting a couple from the start but that's another issue and I've already dealt with it).
Anyway.... disclaimer in the previous chapters. Special thanks as usual go to Suz. :)
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Derek had spent the remainder of his day thinking about what Richard had said. He was still thinking about it after shift ended and he had retreated back to his trailer. Derek needed some time alone to gather his thoughts.
The Chief was right. It was time to lay it all out for Addison. They needed to get over this impasse. He would lay everything out for his wife. Derek just didn’t know what he would do if what he was willing to offer wouldn’t be enough for Addison and her forgiveness.
But he would do it and he had to do it soon. The next night over dinner would be perfect.
Derek had hardly slept that night, thinking about exactly what to say to Addison. He had finally outlined everything he wanted to tell her at around 3am when the thoughts he was desperately trying to avoid entered his mind. ‘What if Addison had really been fed up with all the hurt they both have gone through and decided she doesn’t want him anymore? What if she’s already convinced that there really is no hope for their marriage to work? What if she’s stringing him all along just to hurt him exactly the way he had hurt her during prom?’
The last thought was the one that really bothered Derek for he did not know if their marriage would survive another betrayal. He had to stop this game, this cycle they’ve both been playing before it reached the point where neither one of them would be able to forgive each other or themselves.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
Derek arrived at the hospital right after lunch and immediately looked for his wife. He took the morning off to do some errands for the dinner. The usually well groomed surgeon was pale and haggard looking after his uneasy night. But Derek had forsaken his appearance in the meantime and concentrated on finding his wife to secure their date.
Derek let out a sigh of relief when he found Addison in front of the surgical board, studying the schedule. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder for her attention.
“Hey” he said softly in greeting.
Addison turned to him. “Hey” she replied back just as softly. “I haven’t seen you since yesterday.”
“Yeah. I just…. I had some errands to run” Derek vaguely explained. He wrapped his hand on her right elbow and tugged gently. “Can… can we go somewhere private to talk?”
Addison nodded and Derek led them to an empty conference room. He turned to face her, their bodies just a few inches apart.
“What’s wrong, Derek?” Addison asked when her husband failed to initiate the conversation. She noticed how pale Derek looked and concern washed over her face. “Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong?” she asked, placing a gentle hand over his cheek.
Derek leaned in to her touch, soaking in the opportunity. Addison seemed to have let her guard down. “Addie… I think we need to talk.” He said as he looked deeply into her eyes.
Addison understood the seriousness he was conveying. She dropped her hand from his cheek and bowed her head. “Um…. Okay” she hesitantly replied.
“Over dinner tonight. At your place.” Derek said.
“Okay” she agreed, lifting her head so that their eyes could meet.
They stood there just staring at each other for a moment when out of nowhere, Derek gently pulled Addison’s face towards his and kissed her.
Derek didn’t care if he’d get slapped for his action but the fear that tonight might not go as he hoped urged him to kiss his wife, consequences be damned.
After a few seconds, he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against his wife’s. “See you tonight” Derek said and then quickly left Addison dazed and alone.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
Now it was Addison’s turn to think about the talk she would be having with Derek over dinner. She sat down on a secluded area of the hospital’s coffee shop, nursed a cup of tea and succumbed to the thoughts swirling in her mind. It was clear that the husband and wife would be talking about the state of their marriage. Addison wasn’t sure what Derek wanted from her and their marriage and frankly, neither did she.
Addison didn’t know if she was ready to let her husband back in completely and seriously work on rebuilding their relationship. She wasn’t sure if she had already forgiven Derek for the hurt she had endured during their ‘trying’ period and especially over prom. Addison wasn’t sure if she was ready.
Living the way she was doing during the past few months after the accident, not caring about what her significant other thought and not leading life for two, was some sort of relief for her. It was a refreshing and freeing feeling especially when it stemmed out from the memories of her hurt and anger.
But it was also sad and lonely when Addison had her guard down, not minding the hurt and anger. She felt that way every time she had let her mind wander while Derek was in her sights. But the occurrence of this feeling lessened after Meredith’s pregnancy scare and especially when Nathan arrived and restored their friendship. Her conversations with Nathan were a welcomed respite from this thing going on between her and Derek. Being with Nathan brought about memories of their relationship and the feelings associated with it. Compared to her relationship with Derek, theirs was definitely less volatile. In the 3 years Addison and Nathan were together, they could count on one hand the times they had an argument. Their relationship was easier and less complicated. She couldn’t help but compare the two relationships.
Addison was startled from her thoughts when Nathan sat down opposite her.
“I was looking all over for you” he said.
She glanced for the time and was shocked to see that it was a quarter past 7pm. Her shift had ended and Addison had been sitting at the coffee shop for nearly 2 hours.
“I lost track of the time” she remarked and checked her pager and mobile phone for any message she may have missed. Fortunately there were none.
“I debated over having you paged but thought better of it” Nathan explained.
Addison just smiled. “So, what’s up?”
He took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m flying back to LA tomorrow.”
“What? But Sara and the baby are not ready yet.”
“I need to fly back for work. Jason arrived earlier to take care of Sara and Sam. That’s the baby’s name by the way. And I hope you remember Jason, our brother. Anyway, when they’re ready to go home, Jason will take them back to Boston. I’ll follow eventually.”
“Oh” was all she could say.
“I was hoping we could go for a drink or something. We could go to the bar across the street, if that’s okay.”
“Okay” Addison agreed quickly, totally forgetting about her dinner date with Derek. All she could think about was this maybe the last time she would see Nathan Ross ever again.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
Derek checked the time on the clock in the kitchen. Quarter past 7pm. He got about at least 45 minutes before Addison arrived home. His wife’s shift ended at 7 but knowing Addison, she would make a final round on her patients and stay to chat for a bit with them. Derek expected her to do just that especially when her patient of the week, Baby Ross, was still in the NICU.
He had already set the table and chosen the wine. The salad was chopped, tossed and ready to be served and Derek would just sear the salmon when Addison arrives. The plans he was going to show to his wife were piled neatly beside his place at the table.
Derek was ready. All he needed to make the night perfect was Addison accepting everything he was going to offer.
~ x ~ x ~ x ~
They had been at Joe’s for a little over an hour, able to secure two stools directly at the bar. It was pretty crowded and noisy, typical of a Friday night. Addison and Nathan had to lean closer to be able to hear each other. They had been chatting idly, talking about Nathan’s work and future plans.
There was a pause in their conversation when Nathan got this look on his eyes and stared at Addison.
“What?” she asked, unnerved by the stare.
Nathan smiled and reached over to swipe a hair off her face. “The past week had been wonderful, Addie. It was good to rekindle our friendship. I’ve missed it.”
“I’ve missed it too” Addison echoed, a smile gracing her lips.
“I’m gonna miss you” he said tenderly.
They stared at each other for a moment and Nathan leaned his face closer to Addison’s. He inched his lips closer to hers until they were inches apart.
And he waited for her to bridge the gap.
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Bring on the (Addison and/or Nathan) hate mail. ;)