That real entry I promised about a week ago
Well..let's see. My life is a complete and total mess right now.
This morning I got the email I've been dreading for some time now. The one that tells me I've been dismissed from UCONN. All more or less over a fucking computer glitch that no matter how much I've fought it, comes to no avail.
Long story: Last summer was when I was trying to figure out what my new major was going to be. I wracked my brain and about a month before the start of the semester I chose philosophy, and subsequently dropped all my music classes and took a load of gen-eds and a philosophy course. That semester went by fairly well, but then when I got my grades back, I noticed that I was now put on academic probation, despite my not failing a single class. So I was rather confused, and I looked into it and what had happened was for whatever reason, when I dropped all those music classes, they weren't *really* dropped, so they all ended up counting as fails. So I contacted the registrar's office and was like WTF is the deal here, I dropped these classes a month before the semester, got a pretty full schedule, and now all of a sudden I find these classes I never went to because I dropped them were now counted as fails?!? Well their response was that their computer didn't show them as being dropped. So I then asked if they weren't dropped, then how in the hell did I manage to be able to register for another 16 credits on top of those 18 without a special permission form. So basically this asshole told me there was nothing that could be done. I was fairly certain that he was completely full of shit so I talked to a few other people in that office and I just kept getting the run around. So I got screwed by "the man". But I wasn't about to let that get me down. I figured I could deal with it. Take a light course load the next semester (this past one). Kick ass, and be done with this stupid probation thing.
Well that didn't work. This last semester sucked so very much. Beyond an overwhelming amount of personal problems (which I'll touch upon in a bit) the academic part of this semester just blew. All my professors turned out to be narrow-minded douchebags, which greatly surprised me considering they were all philosophy professors who, by my reckoning, should have had pretty open minds. The first couple weeks of classes started out fine, getting introduced to the materials and delving in, but then I noticed a general shift in the tone of the class. They stopped having any real practical application and began to feel like I was taking a bunch of history and lit classes. Strict facts, no theories. Now don't get me wrong, I have absolutely *no* problem with history and lit classes, but I do have a problem with classes that are *not* history and lit classes that are taught as though they are. So when we would be learning about what so-and-so a philosopher said, I would question it. Sometimes because I actually disagreed, and other times just because I felt like it. A typical class session would be:
Professor: When reading this part of the work, we can see that so-and-so a philosopher meant A is B because of X, Y, and Z.
Me: I disagree, I think he meant A is C. While X does kind of support A being B, Y gets countered by D, and I think that Z is moreso referencing E being F. Also if you look here at G, it supports Z referencing E being F.
Professor: Well, I can kind of see where you're coming from, but Joe Schmo from 1889, a highly regarded scholar, especially in this particular field, who studied this philosopher for nearly 60 years has come to regard this part as meaning A is C. Additionally, if you were to look at this other work of this philosophers (one that's not on the syllabus) you can find further proof that A is B and also you can see him contradicting E being F.
Me: Well, I'll have to read that other work, but we're not really discussing that other work, we're discussing *this* one, and from what we have here, I still do think that A is C, and just saying that Joe Schmo, someone who lived almost about 125 years ago properly interpreted what someone who died over 2000 years ago meant really doesn't mean that it's *right*.
Professor: Well, if you can find incontrovertible evidence to support your claim, then we can further discuss it, but until you do, we're going to accept this as the proper interpretation.
Me: So, let me get this straight. I can counter his evidence, but I'm still not right because I haven't spent my entire life studying this?
Professor: You *haven't* countered anything, you just provided a differing opinion with minimal support.
Me: o_O .....o..kay?
So...after a few weeks of this, I just stopped going to class. I still read all the work, I followed the syllabus, I went to class when we had quizzes, tests, papers due, etc. But I just didn't go to the everyday classes to end up arguing with a brick wall of ignorance. It would just be far too much a waste of my time and energy. So then midterms came around, and the typical exam was a few T/F questions, some multiple choices, and a choice of an essay. Typically the essays were something like: "Based upon the works we've studied in class this far and YOUR OWN PERSONAL INTERPRETATIONS, explain {insert topic here}" So I did just that, I interpreted the text the way I felt was right, and wrote about it. So then I get my midterms back and for the most part I got the T/F and multiple choices right, but then I got marked down on the essays alot because apparently "I can get the point you were looking for, but I think you missed a few key points that gave you a flawed conclusion". So basically they used fucking loopholes to say that I gave an incorrect interpretation without actually saying I interpreted wrong (since the essay asked for our own interpretations, they couldn't say our interpretations were wrong, just our support and conclusion).
And there wasn't really much I could do. I couldn't go to my advisor since my advisor was one of these assholes. I couldn't go to the head of the dept because he, too, was one of them. So I was pretty much up shit's creek without a paddle. So what did I do? I decided that as much as I didn't want to, I would have to play their game. Learn the "proper" interpretations, and go against what I personally believed. Now normally, I'm not one to sell out my own beliefs, but this was a semester where I just couldn't afford to. I still didn't go to class because classes still incensed me to aggravation far too easily. I just used all the online notes to get the "right" interpretations, and did it that way. My biggest fear in doing this, however, was that I had made the switch to playing their game too late in the semester so that my work wouldn't suffice to pull me out of the hole I had gotten into. And today I found out I was indeed too late.
So now where do I go from here?
-Try and find a full-time job and basically have wasted the past 3 years of my life acquiring about 50k in debt for no reason
-Go to NVCC and get a degree, but still have wasted 3 years and 50k, but after I get a degree, I'm at least better off than the first option.
-Try and get accepted as a non-degree (non-matriculating) student at Uconn waterbury for a semester or two and reapply to get admitted back into Uconn storrs as a degree student.
Naturally I'm going to try for the third option, and should that fail, the second. The first is just unacceptable.
So that's been the biggest issue in my life..in a highly abridged nutshell. Other things:
-I've been suffering from a mild depression, as well as a number of anxiety and sleeping disorders for about 4 months now. (those would be a couple of the personal problems I mentioned earlier in my wall of text)
-I still can't manage to find a goddamn job in this town, which means I constantly have my parents riding me. I can't for the life of me figure out why no one will hire me. I'm willing to do *any* job *any* hours, for minimum wage. Employers should be jumping all over me, but for god knows what reason they're not.
Now for the not-so-negative aspects:
-I've been working on getting my room to not suck. I've been in the same room for nearly 20 years now, and it still more or less looks like a 5 year old lives here, not a 21 year old. So I've been throwing out an incredible amount of crap, and within a week or two (assuming I don't get a job by then) I'm going to start tearing down the wallpaper (bye-bye kiddy choo choo train wallpaper), possibly painting, or just putting up new wallpaper. In addition, I'm probably going to be chucking my bed and getting a futon. Hopefully some new furniture (namely a new computer desk, nightstand, and ideally a bookcase or perhaps a couple shelves) will be coming afterwards.
-For probably the first time in my life, there's actually a girl looking to date me. Sadly, it's coming at the one time that I'm not really looking for a relationship. Not because I don't want one, but rather because with all the shit going on in my life, I really don't think I could handle one at the moment.
-My mom and I are actually getting along. We have yet to argue and fight about anything, which is a definite plus.
-Despite all the crazy crap going on in my life, I've still got all the support from my family and (presumably) my friends.
-I've begun a bit of an exercise regiment in the hopes of losing some weight and getting healthier overall.
-I might have finally realized what I want to do with my life. Only problem is that if I were to go to school for it, it'll probably take me more than a few semesters, and I really just want to go back to school and get a degree ASAP. Which means I'm probably going to get a basic liberal arts degree as opposed to the degree in computer programming that I'm thinking I'd like to get.
I doubt anyone actually read this whole thing, but if you did, you get a cookie. =)