(no subject)
Well...it turns out I was wrong for hating that person. I was hating them for something they didn't truly do. Well I mean technically they did do that...but lies and misinterpretations turned it into a fiasco, and when it took a lot of confrontation and arguing and bad things to get the full truth out of the situation...and while it's not entirely my fault...I still feel like an ass. And even though the situation got smoothed over...I still feel like an ass.
And now I don't even know what to do with myself any more. I've come to the realization that coming to UCONN was a bad decision for me. I should have gone to school as far away from here as possible and cut myself off from everyone I knew in high school except for those who would refuse to be cut off. But even so, I can't help but feel that even keeping those few around would inevitably cause unneeded drama.
I don't know what to do...I really don't have any friends here at uconn...so if I were to cut myself off from the people from home, then I'd just have no one.
Why is it that somehow fate manages to find a way to take all of the bad decisions and choices I've made, somehow roll them all together and have the consequences be so dire that it causes me to question ever single thing in my life?
I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't trust a single person in my life...I've been lied to by so many people...and I just can't stand it. I keep being told things like "i would never do anything to hurt you...you know that" and "you know that I'll always be there to help you out" and "i would never lie to you"...and yet nothing ever really works out that way. I always end up getting hurt, left out in the cold so-to-speak, or lied to.
Maybe that's just part of human nature. Maybe humans are just there to hurt each other. Maybe I just have horrible luck with everything.
I don't know.
I just know that lately I can count the number of things that have gone right for me on one hand, while I couldn't even begin to number the things that have gone wrong.
Maybe I should just drop out of school, and just start walking. And to hell with seeing where I end up. Just walk until I either die or end up becoming one of those crazed hermits who lives in the woods away from civilization.
I don't know. I need help.
And now I don't even know what to do with myself any more. I've come to the realization that coming to UCONN was a bad decision for me. I should have gone to school as far away from here as possible and cut myself off from everyone I knew in high school except for those who would refuse to be cut off. But even so, I can't help but feel that even keeping those few around would inevitably cause unneeded drama.
I don't know what to do...I really don't have any friends here at uconn...so if I were to cut myself off from the people from home, then I'd just have no one.
Why is it that somehow fate manages to find a way to take all of the bad decisions and choices I've made, somehow roll them all together and have the consequences be so dire that it causes me to question ever single thing in my life?
I've gotten to the point where I feel like I can't trust a single person in my life...I've been lied to by so many people...and I just can't stand it. I keep being told things like "i would never do anything to hurt you...you know that" and "you know that I'll always be there to help you out" and "i would never lie to you"...and yet nothing ever really works out that way. I always end up getting hurt, left out in the cold so-to-speak, or lied to.
Maybe that's just part of human nature. Maybe humans are just there to hurt each other. Maybe I just have horrible luck with everything.
I don't know.
I just know that lately I can count the number of things that have gone right for me on one hand, while I couldn't even begin to number the things that have gone wrong.
Maybe I should just drop out of school, and just start walking. And to hell with seeing where I end up. Just walk until I either die or end up becoming one of those crazed hermits who lives in the woods away from civilization.
I don't know. I need help.