oh man...a real update
yeah...so this semester has pretty much been the semester from hell.
i seem to have (with 2 exceptions) the most inept, incompitant professors on this entire campus. Now I understand that a certain amount of learning should be done outside of the classroom...but how am I supposed to learn if I'm not told what it is I have to learn? Constant revisions to a syllabus. Saying "oh...well we're going to skip this now, but we *might* get back to it at the end of the semester". Having flat-out WRONG information on a syllabus. What the hell?!?! Then add to that the in-class garbage. Music History- "today we're going to talk about Bacchhhh. so. what does anyone have to say about Baccchhh? nothing?!??! oh now see..this should be a DIALOGUE! if you don't have anything to say, then we're just going to sit here staring at each other! and then we're going to be so far behind the schedule! but its okay it happens every year. ya know, thats the way things are. you dont like it? Tough! Thats History!" and pretty much a massive waste of my existance. Dr Stanley, the pompous douche hiding behind his fucking tenure needs to just crawl into a pit and DIE!
And lets not forget the worthless ramblings of Jolie Rocke Brown. So I took vocal tech thinking I was going to learn how to sing, and learn how to teach others to sing. nah...instead I'm learning that since I haven't studied voice my whole life, that I'll never be as good a singer as Jolie Rocke Brown. This bitch has got an ego the size of fucking North America. Seriously. I can't fucking stand it.
And of course...my gen eds.....apparently it seems that a requirement to teach a gen-ed class is "MUST NOT SPEAK ENGLISH GOOD". seriously. I've stopped going to lectures because all I get out of it is 3 pages of doodles and a migraine.
And the euphoniumizing is going ever so well (ps that was sarcasm). James has this insane notion that I'm like some sort of a prodigy. the last few lessons he's been saying how I should, hands down, be the best euphonium player in the studio, be one of the best (if not the best) musicians in the entire school, aaaand one of the top collegiate-level euphonium players in the country. RIIIGHT. So of course what does that mean? MORE PRACTICE!! Now the big problem with this is I can't stand practicing. I just don't like it. I do it. But I doubt I do it enough. So ever since James has gone all "YOU SHOULD BE TEH BEST!" I've been practicing more. Which is pretty torturous in and of itself. But I'm doing it. But is it enough? NOOOO. James was in Germany 2 weeks ago. He came back last tuesday. the day of our lessons (Jet-lag much?). And he went on the warpath. Kicked 3/5 of us out of our lessons and into a practice room because we "weren't up to par" and were "wasting his time". Its pretty fucking ridiculous. I do the best I can given what I have and what I can do. If that's not good enough, tough shit. I can't do any better than my best. Oh and of course he has this philosophy of "music ed. majors should be better performers than music performance majors" I totally don't buy into that. He claims that if you can't show a student how to do something right, then they won't learn. I disagree. I think that if you can explain to them what they're doing wrong and how to fix, then its just as effective (and in some cases more effective) as showing them. OOH...and I've got my promo jury this semester =/
Seriously, I'm about |__| this close to giving up on music...because this semester is making me loathe it. I think the only reason I haven't already quit is because I really don't know what else I would do. Music has (until recently) been the only thing I've been really good at. Its the only thing that I can see myself doing for a career. Its been pretty much the only thing that has been my main anchor, the thing I've turned to when things weren't going so well. And now....I'm getting so frustrated with it...I don't know what to do anymore.
This has all got me so scatter-brained. All my classes are so worthless...yet they keep expecting so much without giving you what you need to achieve it. I'm ridiculous stressed because I keep trying to take on huge amounts of work with little direction of what I should actually be doing. And of course, it always turns out that what I'm doing is wrong. So then I finally find out what it is I should have been doing...so now I have to catch up to that, *and* do the next thing (but without knowing what that next thing truly is). It's a snowballing effect of doom.
Now next week I've got spring break...and I'm torn about it. I want to use it as a de-stresser because I'm about to snap from it. But then I have no idea how far behind I'll be if I do that. So another part of me wants to use it as a means to catch back up (hopefully). But all that will do is just keep mounting more stress on. And thats no good. And if I try to balance relaxing with catching up, I know that one of two things will happen: 1)one of the two will end up ruling over the other, and it will no longer be balanced or 2)it will lead to a completely mediocre break where I feel like I accomplished nothing-no good times with friends and no catching up with work.
And on a completely different note, I've pretty much decided to give up on women. No, that doesn't mean I'm turning gay. It just means that I've more or less decided that its hopeless and I won't be finding anyone in the psuedo-near present/future.
Boy, I'm just a bundle of happiness wrapped up in joy, aren't I?
i seem to have (with 2 exceptions) the most inept, incompitant professors on this entire campus. Now I understand that a certain amount of learning should be done outside of the classroom...but how am I supposed to learn if I'm not told what it is I have to learn? Constant revisions to a syllabus. Saying "oh...well we're going to skip this now, but we *might* get back to it at the end of the semester". Having flat-out WRONG information on a syllabus. What the hell?!?! Then add to that the in-class garbage. Music History- "today we're going to talk about Bacchhhh. so. what does anyone have to say about Baccchhh? nothing?!??! oh now see..this should be a DIALOGUE! if you don't have anything to say, then we're just going to sit here staring at each other! and then we're going to be so far behind the schedule! but its okay it happens every year. ya know, thats the way things are. you dont like it? Tough! Thats History!" and pretty much a massive waste of my existance. Dr Stanley, the pompous douche hiding behind his fucking tenure needs to just crawl into a pit and DIE!
And lets not forget the worthless ramblings of Jolie Rocke Brown. So I took vocal tech thinking I was going to learn how to sing, and learn how to teach others to sing. nah...instead I'm learning that since I haven't studied voice my whole life, that I'll never be as good a singer as Jolie Rocke Brown. This bitch has got an ego the size of fucking North America. Seriously. I can't fucking stand it.
And of course...my gen eds.....apparently it seems that a requirement to teach a gen-ed class is "MUST NOT SPEAK ENGLISH GOOD". seriously. I've stopped going to lectures because all I get out of it is 3 pages of doodles and a migraine.
And the euphoniumizing is going ever so well (ps that was sarcasm). James has this insane notion that I'm like some sort of a prodigy. the last few lessons he's been saying how I should, hands down, be the best euphonium player in the studio, be one of the best (if not the best) musicians in the entire school, aaaand one of the top collegiate-level euphonium players in the country. RIIIGHT. So of course what does that mean? MORE PRACTICE!! Now the big problem with this is I can't stand practicing. I just don't like it. I do it. But I doubt I do it enough. So ever since James has gone all "YOU SHOULD BE TEH BEST!" I've been practicing more. Which is pretty torturous in and of itself. But I'm doing it. But is it enough? NOOOO. James was in Germany 2 weeks ago. He came back last tuesday. the day of our lessons (Jet-lag much?). And he went on the warpath. Kicked 3/5 of us out of our lessons and into a practice room because we "weren't up to par" and were "wasting his time". Its pretty fucking ridiculous. I do the best I can given what I have and what I can do. If that's not good enough, tough shit. I can't do any better than my best. Oh and of course he has this philosophy of "music ed. majors should be better performers than music performance majors" I totally don't buy into that. He claims that if you can't show a student how to do something right, then they won't learn. I disagree. I think that if you can explain to them what they're doing wrong and how to fix, then its just as effective (and in some cases more effective) as showing them. OOH...and I've got my promo jury this semester =/
Seriously, I'm about |__| this close to giving up on music...because this semester is making me loathe it. I think the only reason I haven't already quit is because I really don't know what else I would do. Music has (until recently) been the only thing I've been really good at. Its the only thing that I can see myself doing for a career. Its been pretty much the only thing that has been my main anchor, the thing I've turned to when things weren't going so well. And now....I'm getting so frustrated with it...I don't know what to do anymore.
This has all got me so scatter-brained. All my classes are so worthless...yet they keep expecting so much without giving you what you need to achieve it. I'm ridiculous stressed because I keep trying to take on huge amounts of work with little direction of what I should actually be doing. And of course, it always turns out that what I'm doing is wrong. So then I finally find out what it is I should have been doing...so now I have to catch up to that, *and* do the next thing (but without knowing what that next thing truly is). It's a snowballing effect of doom.
Now next week I've got spring break...and I'm torn about it. I want to use it as a de-stresser because I'm about to snap from it. But then I have no idea how far behind I'll be if I do that. So another part of me wants to use it as a means to catch back up (hopefully). But all that will do is just keep mounting more stress on. And thats no good. And if I try to balance relaxing with catching up, I know that one of two things will happen: 1)one of the two will end up ruling over the other, and it will no longer be balanced or 2)it will lead to a completely mediocre break where I feel like I accomplished nothing-no good times with friends and no catching up with work.
And on a completely different note, I've pretty much decided to give up on women. No, that doesn't mean I'm turning gay. It just means that I've more or less decided that its hopeless and I won't be finding anyone in the psuedo-near present/future.
Boy, I'm just a bundle of happiness wrapped up in joy, aren't I?