blowing away
sigh... i feel.. meh right now. Alone.. thats a good word to fit it. I'm sick of computer games right now. They take up so much time, but i cant get away from them and i cant not play them and its not like i have something better to do with my time. I'm doing almost all i can do..no thats a lie. I feel like a lazy fatass. I need to start doing something with my life. I need to go somewhere. "I got to break free" haha I need to start going outside or im going to go crazy. I cant live like this.. My job.. is horrible.. I have no hours anymore.. they have soo many kids working that .. there arnt enough hours to go around. Sigh.. i need money i need a car i can drive. Stupid sister.. i would be working every fucking night if she didnt come home. College.. sigh oh college. *shakeshead* I'm wasting my time.. i want to go to RBI.. because they do.. the programs im looking for..they don't want to talk to me until im out of highschool. My mom was like call them set up an appointment.. i keep telling her they dont want to see me. I'm soo tired of chasing things/people around. College is BS.. maybe not thelearning stuff part.. but money...what am i going to do. Sigh most kids dont work there frist year...oh i will be. Sigh.. im gonna start crying. Stress is building... overwhelming feeling is coming.. and no one feels it .. no one has this same feeling as me. Not with all the things I'm going threw. I started considering CG again.. or army. Something that can give me more than what i can get now. But... Dan. Its already hard enough being away from him. I feel like im failing at everything right now. I need order.. which i don't have. I need help.. I need someone to be here to stop me from falling apart. I'm scared I'm soo scared.