(no subject)
"como estas, bitches."
wow, a lot has went down in the past two weeks.
i got in a fight with my dad.
i got in a fight with my brother.
i got in a fight with my mom. (surprise)
and i got in a fight with pretty much everyone
else on "that" side of the family.
go me. i'm on a roll.
i went to ocean city with megan, my favorite cousin.
everything was fucking incredible, except for the fact that i had been without my phone for two weeks, which doesn't seem that long but when stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people who dislike you, little things like that get drastic. so, out of an act of kindness, my mother, who has now proved she does not deserve the title, decides to drive from work to the beach and return it to me. this, i appreciated and didn't fail to hesitate and tell her the 'thank you' yadda yadda yadda bit. she says it's in her trunk. so i retrieve her keys from the table and she starts freaking out claiming that i am invading her privacy, don't go through her things, she marched the whole fucking parade. but mind you i had only grabbed her keys off the table. i disregarded the fact that she had completely acted foolishly for i have accepted the fact that the woman is mentally insane. alright, so i go in her car and return to maybe try and communicate with the shrew, but it seemed as if she wasn't listening to me when i was attempting to talk to her and she acted as though she was the victim of the accusation that i had even failed to bring up. in other words, she swore that i had accused her of drinking when i really kept my mouth shut. kind of like a three year old with chocolate all over their face with the cookie jar at hand that swears, 'me no cookie' before you even get the chance to say anything. and, yes, i find it sad that i can compare a 42 year old woman to a three year old's, but when you lose, you lose. living with laurie, i have realized that when faced with an aggervating problem, such as me around the arrogant carol, leave before the situation becomes an incident. so that's what i did. and, obviously, that wasn't enough for carol, for she went in the room where kaitlyn and ally were sleeping (some relatives of laurie and i) and starts screaming, blah blah blah. ray goes over, she puts her hands up to him, he knocks her out, she leaves. end of story one.
everything's fine, i'm with laurie and ray in carney's point and then...of course it had to happen. somehow it was arranged that i was supposed to stay in egg harbor for a few days and stay at brittany's in hammonton for a night, which i unwillingly agreed to because i somehow had a certain hunch that something would happen. afterall, the last time i contacted carol she was yelling at me and that i'm going to jail. uh huh. so, she decides to dick around and call me at seven in the morning and i get pissed off because she left me the duties of figuring out directions and all that jazz without informing me of them. hoorah. so i call her, tell her to fuck herself, because, at this point in my life, i don't want drama.
and while i feel like i should go on a rampage and state things i don't want, here they go.
i don't want to not know where i'm going to live and with whom i will be staying with. and i certainly don't want to have to live with constant hassle of a woman who refuses to do anything about her addiction eventhough it has resulted in chaos.
i don't want to hate my life.
i don't want to hate myself.
and i don't want to feel like i'm a fucking unwanted ragdoll being tossed around to whatever dollhouse will accept her into their lives.
i don't deserve it.
i have worked too hard here in bettering myself to end up back in the fucked up position i was in before.
fuck that.
i know a lot more about myself now to know what i do and do not want.
but, speaking of things i want, some words were exchanged and overall i'm happy with what was vaguely discussed. so of course something had to ruin my moment of bliss. and when i say bliss, i mean a feeling of relief, comfort, security, pretty much everything that i have been robbed of for boocoo long time.
but anyway, she shows up anyway with my grandparents and everything is fine, i'm ignoring her, it all works out. we're watching troy and the hoe is acting fucking crazy and then she asks for a pen and takes off without saying where she was headed. so she comes back, twenty minutes later, and starts acting that much more stupidly. now, it's obvious that she's drinking. she starts yelling, laurie yells back, and now a whole fight has been aroused in a second. and this is what i discovered...
it's my fault that carol is an alcholic.
it's my failt that ray and catherine hate eachother.
basically that i'm the cause of all family-related problems, which is hard to take in. it's never comforting to hear that you are the foundation of all conflict.
they say i have to go with them, i say i don't.
so, i call my dad and what does he decide to do?
send me back to the same fucking thing he took me away from. thanks, dad.
so, here i am. my flight back home is in two days.
i have to leave without a proper good-bye to all of my dear hammontonians.
here are my dedications:
brittany- you're my fucking home slice. you are "the real-est person i know." haha. you are really an amazing person with a heart the size of the fucking world. i already fucking miss you francheska. i will never have as much fun in a bathroom again. and, in all honesty, i really do think that you and ty will be reunited again. maybe not now thanks to the new bitch (hee), but things will work their way out. i'm sad that you never got to get naked and dance with a broom for me. when i come back though, something sexy is going down. yeahhh.
marleena- oh how i love thee. me, you, and brittany were like the three muskateers but i had to fuck it up. sorry. i love you so fucking much. you are also a spectacular person in almost every aspect. don't let brian take for granted the wonderful person that accepted him in her life. it's comforting to know that you love me unconditionally, even if i looked and spoke a certain way. it's going to be hard to try and find another person whom i can easily sit in someone else's driveway and talk about relationships while eating chips and cookies. infact, it's impossible because you're just that cool.
mark and sarah- i love you both to the extreme. i couldn't possibly seperate you two for i love you guys together. and if you ever decide to break up (never!), than just simply don't. if not for the sake of yourselves than just for me. =) sarah, you were there when we were taking shots and you were there when i was throwing up due to alchohol posioning. who thought that eighteen triple shots of vodka could do such a thing...? sarah, dear, i love you. we've had so much fun just talking and toking. it's beautiful. you're beautiful. mark, you fucking fag. i hate you with every fiber of my being. i think you are dumb and you should DIE. you fucking goonie i love you. you could very well possibly be the coolest thing with a penis. go with the fro my brother, go with tha fro.
and to derek, luke, steur- you're my boys! derek, i love you compassionately and you're a great person to talk to because you truely have your priorities straight. well, for the most part. hehe. i think you have officially become my sick buddy. everytime i get sick and throw up, you're always there to clean me and it up. i feel horrible. bolivia, you rock. LUKE. my boy, luke. you will always be my skanking sigman. remember that. we will take swing dance lessons and completely OWN a ska show. thanks for helping derek with me...and doing a superb job of protecting the wall from me. you're great. steur, if i was five years older, i'd marry you. who else do i know that i can toke up with on a couch and then recite movie lines to half baked and forrest gump? NO ONE. that alone makes me love you that much more. we are dorks. really, really big ones. you're a very respectable person and i'll miss you as well as everyone else.
chris, nick, joe- what more could i say about you guys other than getting high in my basement and the woods? you guys fucking hilarious. i really don't think i've ever laughed harder than when we were chillin. chris, i totally whoop your ass when it comes to making pancakes. get over it. haha. much love jigga boos, much love.
wow, this is the longest post i've ever made. and i believe it's relatively serious. i mean, this is it. my summer's over in new jersey, although i wish it could be extended. it's really not going to be the same. and it's really depressing not to know when i'm going to see you all again. it will be soon, however. i'll find my way back. =)
i don't know what to think right now. when i go home, it's not going to be as i had expected. me and my dad already have some shit to sort out, and it's really not how i wanted to return, but, sometimes you get handed the shit stick and other times you hand it out to other people. oh well, i can live with it.
...i always manage to.
wow, a lot has went down in the past two weeks.
i got in a fight with my dad.
i got in a fight with my brother.
i got in a fight with my mom. (surprise)
and i got in a fight with pretty much everyone
else on "that" side of the family.
go me. i'm on a roll.
i went to ocean city with megan, my favorite cousin.
everything was fucking incredible, except for the fact that i had been without my phone for two weeks, which doesn't seem that long but when stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people who dislike you, little things like that get drastic. so, out of an act of kindness, my mother, who has now proved she does not deserve the title, decides to drive from work to the beach and return it to me. this, i appreciated and didn't fail to hesitate and tell her the 'thank you' yadda yadda yadda bit. she says it's in her trunk. so i retrieve her keys from the table and she starts freaking out claiming that i am invading her privacy, don't go through her things, she marched the whole fucking parade. but mind you i had only grabbed her keys off the table. i disregarded the fact that she had completely acted foolishly for i have accepted the fact that the woman is mentally insane. alright, so i go in her car and return to maybe try and communicate with the shrew, but it seemed as if she wasn't listening to me when i was attempting to talk to her and she acted as though she was the victim of the accusation that i had even failed to bring up. in other words, she swore that i had accused her of drinking when i really kept my mouth shut. kind of like a three year old with chocolate all over their face with the cookie jar at hand that swears, 'me no cookie' before you even get the chance to say anything. and, yes, i find it sad that i can compare a 42 year old woman to a three year old's, but when you lose, you lose. living with laurie, i have realized that when faced with an aggervating problem, such as me around the arrogant carol, leave before the situation becomes an incident. so that's what i did. and, obviously, that wasn't enough for carol, for she went in the room where kaitlyn and ally were sleeping (some relatives of laurie and i) and starts screaming, blah blah blah. ray goes over, she puts her hands up to him, he knocks her out, she leaves. end of story one.
everything's fine, i'm with laurie and ray in carney's point and then...of course it had to happen. somehow it was arranged that i was supposed to stay in egg harbor for a few days and stay at brittany's in hammonton for a night, which i unwillingly agreed to because i somehow had a certain hunch that something would happen. afterall, the last time i contacted carol she was yelling at me and that i'm going to jail. uh huh. so, she decides to dick around and call me at seven in the morning and i get pissed off because she left me the duties of figuring out directions and all that jazz without informing me of them. hoorah. so i call her, tell her to fuck herself, because, at this point in my life, i don't want drama.
and while i feel like i should go on a rampage and state things i don't want, here they go.
i don't want to not know where i'm going to live and with whom i will be staying with. and i certainly don't want to have to live with constant hassle of a woman who refuses to do anything about her addiction eventhough it has resulted in chaos.
i don't want to hate my life.
i don't want to hate myself.
and i don't want to feel like i'm a fucking unwanted ragdoll being tossed around to whatever dollhouse will accept her into their lives.
i don't deserve it.
i have worked too hard here in bettering myself to end up back in the fucked up position i was in before.
fuck that.
i know a lot more about myself now to know what i do and do not want.
but, speaking of things i want, some words were exchanged and overall i'm happy with what was vaguely discussed. so of course something had to ruin my moment of bliss. and when i say bliss, i mean a feeling of relief, comfort, security, pretty much everything that i have been robbed of for boocoo long time.
but anyway, she shows up anyway with my grandparents and everything is fine, i'm ignoring her, it all works out. we're watching troy and the hoe is acting fucking crazy and then she asks for a pen and takes off without saying where she was headed. so she comes back, twenty minutes later, and starts acting that much more stupidly. now, it's obvious that she's drinking. she starts yelling, laurie yells back, and now a whole fight has been aroused in a second. and this is what i discovered...
it's my fault that carol is an alcholic.
it's my failt that ray and catherine hate eachother.
basically that i'm the cause of all family-related problems, which is hard to take in. it's never comforting to hear that you are the foundation of all conflict.
they say i have to go with them, i say i don't.
so, i call my dad and what does he decide to do?
send me back to the same fucking thing he took me away from. thanks, dad.
so, here i am. my flight back home is in two days.
i have to leave without a proper good-bye to all of my dear hammontonians.
here are my dedications:
brittany- you're my fucking home slice. you are "the real-est person i know." haha. you are really an amazing person with a heart the size of the fucking world. i already fucking miss you francheska. i will never have as much fun in a bathroom again. and, in all honesty, i really do think that you and ty will be reunited again. maybe not now thanks to the new bitch (hee), but things will work their way out. i'm sad that you never got to get naked and dance with a broom for me. when i come back though, something sexy is going down. yeahhh.
marleena- oh how i love thee. me, you, and brittany were like the three muskateers but i had to fuck it up. sorry. i love you so fucking much. you are also a spectacular person in almost every aspect. don't let brian take for granted the wonderful person that accepted him in her life. it's comforting to know that you love me unconditionally, even if i looked and spoke a certain way. it's going to be hard to try and find another person whom i can easily sit in someone else's driveway and talk about relationships while eating chips and cookies. infact, it's impossible because you're just that cool.
mark and sarah- i love you both to the extreme. i couldn't possibly seperate you two for i love you guys together. and if you ever decide to break up (never!), than just simply don't. if not for the sake of yourselves than just for me. =) sarah, you were there when we were taking shots and you were there when i was throwing up due to alchohol posioning. who thought that eighteen triple shots of vodka could do such a thing...? sarah, dear, i love you. we've had so much fun just talking and toking. it's beautiful. you're beautiful. mark, you fucking fag. i hate you with every fiber of my being. i think you are dumb and you should DIE. you fucking goonie i love you. you could very well possibly be the coolest thing with a penis. go with the fro my brother, go with tha fro.
and to derek, luke, steur- you're my boys! derek, i love you compassionately and you're a great person to talk to because you truely have your priorities straight. well, for the most part. hehe. i think you have officially become my sick buddy. everytime i get sick and throw up, you're always there to clean me and it up. i feel horrible. bolivia, you rock. LUKE. my boy, luke. you will always be my skanking sigman. remember that. we will take swing dance lessons and completely OWN a ska show. thanks for helping derek with me...and doing a superb job of protecting the wall from me. you're great. steur, if i was five years older, i'd marry you. who else do i know that i can toke up with on a couch and then recite movie lines to half baked and forrest gump? NO ONE. that alone makes me love you that much more. we are dorks. really, really big ones. you're a very respectable person and i'll miss you as well as everyone else.
chris, nick, joe- what more could i say about you guys other than getting high in my basement and the woods? you guys fucking hilarious. i really don't think i've ever laughed harder than when we were chillin. chris, i totally whoop your ass when it comes to making pancakes. get over it. haha. much love jigga boos, much love.
wow, this is the longest post i've ever made. and i believe it's relatively serious. i mean, this is it. my summer's over in new jersey, although i wish it could be extended. it's really not going to be the same. and it's really depressing not to know when i'm going to see you all again. it will be soon, however. i'll find my way back. =)
i don't know what to think right now. when i go home, it's not going to be as i had expected. me and my dad already have some shit to sort out, and it's really not how i wanted to return, but, sometimes you get handed the shit stick and other times you hand it out to other people. oh well, i can live with it.
...i always manage to.