The FAT I told you so, that sits on you and doesnt let you breathe!
Why me? Oh thats right, me, because I make stupid decisions. Swallow it down, breath,exhale, exhale dammit, exhale. But cant because of the Bull sitting on top of me looking down and mocking "I told you silly girl tricks are for kids" . SO What do you do at the end of the day when you dont have the strength to push it away and yet dont have the hypocrasy to embrace it. Tell me what the fuck do you do then? Nothing...just sit there and rot take one more hit until - Knockout. Or do you swing til your arms tire and you pass out- are both a loss? or, at least if you fight, you go down with dignity. I dont know if there is a difference anymore somewhere somehow I lost that little voice that could tell. I wish I hadn't squashed that voice I miss her so much. She lived inside of my heart which whispered to her the truths of my being. She was all that I could be, she was raw, on time, sent thank you cards promptly, unafraid of being fiercely in love and funny enough LOVED because who can turn that down? But dammit shes gone and with her all hopes of becoming THAT woman, everyone knows the one, the one who is always smiling or laughing and when she laughs her face is brighter than a childs and just like a child she retains her innocense and her laughter is contagious. Her hands are gentle like a grandmother and she smells like fresh cinnaman cookies.Of all the people I miss her most. Yes of all people I miss myself the most.