In a rut...what a weird word...rut...
I feel like I'm in the biggest rut ever. Sitting here in my emptyish apartment in Seattle I don't have much to do besides think about every and anything thats going on or actually not going on in my life right now. I feel like I have no time. No time for me. No time for my family and friends. No time for anything but work. It suffices to say that summer is definately NOT my friend at all. I feel like there is something wrong or something just missing in my life right now and I hate that I can't put my finger on what exactly it is. Maybe it is a combination of things that make me feel like this but one thing is for sure I hate it. Hate it with a fiery hot passion. Hate it almost as much as I hate soy beans actually. I am drained. I need a break...I don't think I'll be getting one of those tho. As soon as I am done with my internship its back to school and the continuation of Starbucks. I want to see my friends I want to be able to sleep when I want and wake up when I want I want things with boy to be better. There was an abundance of wants within that last sentence but honestly I don't think I am asking too much. It seems like sometimes the more I do or the more I try the more people expect from me. I don't like feeling that I am being taken for granted and I think with some people that is the case. I may put up with a lot from certain people but I'm too tired to do that anymore. I'm tired of biting my tongue, I'm tired of trying to keep the peace, I'm tired of pretending like everything is okay. Dammit I am just plain TIRED! Yeah you could say I'm being a whiney bitch right now but in all honestly if you think that then you can jump off a bridge. No one knows how I feel and no one can tell me that my feelings are justified or not because no one knows. I hate it when people say oh you shouldn't feel like that or anything along those lines because well you are the only person who can dictate your emotions. One part about life that aggrevates me is that no matter how hard you try not to let other people affect the way you feel certain people have ways of getting under your skin and either making or breaking your day. It's so hard to refrain from having certain expectations for people who mean a lot to you and to feel slightly let down when you don't get what you expect but at the same time you feel like you deserve more and wonder why you aren't getting it. I dunno. I don't have cable right now. My mind is just going crazy. Maybe I'll just end this before I get too annoying/cynical/bitchy/annoying/preachy. Bye.