Me vent? Hah damn right! Its my journal and I can do what I want...
Okay so I went shopping all day with T-Bag...no this isn't me venting yet this is me just glowing because of my happy day. Okay so I went shopping starting at oh say 3 and didn't get home til midnight. It was mighty fun. Too bad tomorrow morning we have to finish up making the mall rounds so that'll be extra fun. Oh yeah had some yummy food too...what more could ya want?
::WARNING VENTING IN PROGRESS::
I know its wrong for me to feel this way but ya know I just do sometimes. Boy has a string of exes that are pretty well intense if I don't say so myself. He's had the run of the mill flingy daters that I am oh so well familiar with but he's had two that I know for sure were pretty serious...one lasted for well over a year maybe twoish and the other lived with him and she's the most recent. Despite the fact that he "hates" them both now he had to have loved them at one point in time. Sometimes I feel like I have to compete with them...with the them he fell in love with. I dunno just to put up with the shit he says they gave him he had to have loved them a shitload bc I dunno some of the stories are gruesome. I am not really sure what happened with the live in ex but I mean she moved in with the drop of a hat so he had to be enamered with her too. I just feel like I have to try to prove myself to him inorder for him to get to that point with me sometimes. This whole thing kinda just eased its way along so its not like anyone fell head over heels in a snap. It took a while for either of us to decide whether or not it was worth it. I think we'd both agree that it was a good decision to go ahead and see where this whole thing led...but I dunno I can't shake this feeling sometimes that I have to do something more or try to be more than what im doing or being right now. I'm scared to get deeper into this and I already am and I suppose thats normal but I just need to shake all of these doubts...I'm trying and he's a damn good guy so I have no idea what the hell my problem is. I love the fact that we can joke around and just hang out and keep things casual...but since the whole "emotional (ewe I sound like a fucking little girl)" aspect of it is more than just casual I think I get shaken sometimes and just need some reassurance but I really don't want to seem needy because thats the farthest thing from the truth. I don't know...I'm lame...but honestly its my god damn journal and I can be as lame and annoying and vent all I want. I don't expect anyone to really read this and I know when I reread it I'll either want to just laugh at myself or start to think about it even more. It's something I will just have to work out but I'd guess this whole thing will go away soon enough. I talked to one of his friends during my last visit to the eastside and it kind of reassured me a bit but I dunno sometimes I have my doubts. I guess thats normal and well his friend had some good insight. I don't do real relationships and I guess now that I am its like kinda wiggin me out esp since I'm getting more intune to the fact that I really do care and its not just for shits and giggles. I don't want to question how he feels or how I feel or anything that has to do with "us" its just not that easy sometimes. Distance is a bitch and so is nightly thinking while I can't sleep. I think too much sometimes...
::WARNING VENTING IN PROGRESS::
I know its wrong for me to feel this way but ya know I just do sometimes. Boy has a string of exes that are pretty well intense if I don't say so myself. He's had the run of the mill flingy daters that I am oh so well familiar with but he's had two that I know for sure were pretty serious...one lasted for well over a year maybe twoish and the other lived with him and she's the most recent. Despite the fact that he "hates" them both now he had to have loved them at one point in time. Sometimes I feel like I have to compete with them...with the them he fell in love with. I dunno just to put up with the shit he says they gave him he had to have loved them a shitload bc I dunno some of the stories are gruesome. I am not really sure what happened with the live in ex but I mean she moved in with the drop of a hat so he had to be enamered with her too. I just feel like I have to try to prove myself to him inorder for him to get to that point with me sometimes. This whole thing kinda just eased its way along so its not like anyone fell head over heels in a snap. It took a while for either of us to decide whether or not it was worth it. I think we'd both agree that it was a good decision to go ahead and see where this whole thing led...but I dunno I can't shake this feeling sometimes that I have to do something more or try to be more than what im doing or being right now. I'm scared to get deeper into this and I already am and I suppose thats normal but I just need to shake all of these doubts...I'm trying and he's a damn good guy so I have no idea what the hell my problem is. I love the fact that we can joke around and just hang out and keep things casual...but since the whole "emotional (ewe I sound like a fucking little girl)" aspect of it is more than just casual I think I get shaken sometimes and just need some reassurance but I really don't want to seem needy because thats the farthest thing from the truth. I don't know...I'm lame...but honestly its my god damn journal and I can be as lame and annoying and vent all I want. I don't expect anyone to really read this and I know when I reread it I'll either want to just laugh at myself or start to think about it even more. It's something I will just have to work out but I'd guess this whole thing will go away soon enough. I talked to one of his friends during my last visit to the eastside and it kind of reassured me a bit but I dunno sometimes I have my doubts. I guess thats normal and well his friend had some good insight. I don't do real relationships and I guess now that I am its like kinda wiggin me out esp since I'm getting more intune to the fact that I really do care and its not just for shits and giggles. I don't want to question how he feels or how I feel or anything that has to do with "us" its just not that easy sometimes. Distance is a bitch and so is nightly thinking while I can't sleep. I think too much sometimes...