meh
i dont really know what to say. theres been an awful lot going on lately since i actually updated. some good some bad. things need to slow down, and they actually will soon. only 2 more days left in this semester. then i get a good week to hang out in philly with no big obligations besides basketball band and work. this will be much needed.
i hate that my last final is my hardest one. i mean i guess i get extra time to study for it, but i just want it to be over with. and still i cannot bring myself to study for it. oh well it will get done. it always does.
im horribly afraid right now. i shouldnt be because things are looking up really, but i am so unhappy. my grandmother had a heart attack and a stroke last month. and i am just so scared about something happening and i cant deal with that. i never want to. shes doing alright now, but i am just very unhappy with the situation. i go to see her in the hospital (which she is out of now and in a nursing home) and its not her im talking to. its not her. and i am very afraid (and i think its a good assumption to make) that this is the new her and will be the new her forever. that scares the shit out of me. i dont like it one bit. not at all.
ok im done with my little scared rant thing.
i went to NYC this weekend. and it was incredibly awesome. i want more days like that. its good to break up the monotony.
i need to christmas shop. wicked bad.
i still dont want to study for this final.
i want someone. anyone. well not anyone. because if it really was ANYONE i would have someone by now. boo being picky. boo everything. i dont mean to complain. i just dont understand. dont i deserve something? ugh but dont we all? fuck.
i hate being in a funk. and i am.
i hate that my last final is my hardest one. i mean i guess i get extra time to study for it, but i just want it to be over with. and still i cannot bring myself to study for it. oh well it will get done. it always does.
im horribly afraid right now. i shouldnt be because things are looking up really, but i am so unhappy. my grandmother had a heart attack and a stroke last month. and i am just so scared about something happening and i cant deal with that. i never want to. shes doing alright now, but i am just very unhappy with the situation. i go to see her in the hospital (which she is out of now and in a nursing home) and its not her im talking to. its not her. and i am very afraid (and i think its a good assumption to make) that this is the new her and will be the new her forever. that scares the shit out of me. i dont like it one bit. not at all.
ok im done with my little scared rant thing.
i went to NYC this weekend. and it was incredibly awesome. i want more days like that. its good to break up the monotony.
i need to christmas shop. wicked bad.
i still dont want to study for this final.
i want someone. anyone. well not anyone. because if it really was ANYONE i would have someone by now. boo being picky. boo everything. i dont mean to complain. i just dont understand. dont i deserve something? ugh but dont we all? fuck.
i hate being in a funk. and i am.