(no subject)
Well, it's over. Kirstie and I broke up tonight. I'm not sure what to say at the moment. This is probably the most mutual it's been but that doesn't make it any easier. I really wish I could hate her. I wish that I was able to not love her. I wish I could just forget her and forget everything from the last four years. Maybe then this would be easy. I have a feeling that many people will say, Hmmm I told you so. Well if you're one of those people, fuck you! Yea, surprise, I've never used that word in my journal. But that's how I feel about that so I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't because of any guy or anything like that. She simply wants to be alone. While that's very odd to me, I somewhat understand. I think she's just a very confused person with all aspects of life, not just our relationship. Hopefully she figures stuff out.
What all of this comes down to is that she isn't able to be away from me and love me. Everything is fine when she's in town, but we never have been able to develop our relationship to where she is able to completely love me and be 6 hours away from me. It sucks, but that's what it is. Love sucks ass! I thought I understood love, but I'm not sure I do anymore.
Well I don't know what else to say. I'm still so shocked because I actually thought that things had changed and that it would work. Oh well, I guess there's still some growing up to do, which is perfectly understandable. Until then, I'm done. I'm not gonna sit around and wait this time. I can't do that to myself again. I've given all that I can give, but when it comes down to it, I can't force something that isn't there. Maybe one day it will be there, but also maybe it won't.
And that's life. Life sucks a big one right now and I'm just so over it. I've lost Kirstie, my last 4 years of college have been a complete waste, I'm low on money, and I don't know where I'm going in the future. I think it's official...my life has fallen apart. And that's where I'm stopping for tonight. I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight everyone.
What all of this comes down to is that she isn't able to be away from me and love me. Everything is fine when she's in town, but we never have been able to develop our relationship to where she is able to completely love me and be 6 hours away from me. It sucks, but that's what it is. Love sucks ass! I thought I understood love, but I'm not sure I do anymore.
Well I don't know what else to say. I'm still so shocked because I actually thought that things had changed and that it would work. Oh well, I guess there's still some growing up to do, which is perfectly understandable. Until then, I'm done. I'm not gonna sit around and wait this time. I can't do that to myself again. I've given all that I can give, but when it comes down to it, I can't force something that isn't there. Maybe one day it will be there, but also maybe it won't.
And that's life. Life sucks a big one right now and I'm just so over it. I've lost Kirstie, my last 4 years of college have been a complete waste, I'm low on money, and I don't know where I'm going in the future. I think it's official...my life has fallen apart. And that's where I'm stopping for tonight. I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight everyone.