This is hard...
Ok, so I felt like my mind needed some release, so I thought I'd update. Clearly I'm in the mood to update now since I do it like every other day.
I've realized something lately. This is hard. Life is hard. I'm just at a point where I'm just blah. Like I'm just kind of feeling nothing. It's like things happen and I'm like blah. I don't know how to feel anything anymore. The only thing I've been feeling lately is sadness. I usually do pretty decent during the day, but there are always the times at night right before I go to sleep. That time where you're just laying there staring at the ceiling. That's when it hurts the most. I feel alone. I just feel like I've lost of a part of me and I just have this hole. I mean it's weird because we're kind of still together but like not talking as much or something. I don't know. All I know is that it's hard. I've done a lot of hard stuff before: playing in front of crowds of people, music directing a large group that is mostly older than me, school, playing piano period, etc. etc. But let me tell you, there is nothing harder in the world than love. Love is hard. Love is not fair all the time. Love is kicking me in the ass right now. To be honest, it always seems to do that. Everything goes really smoothly and then BAM! and I get a swift kick. I always seem to be blind to problems and get caught off guard. I just want everything to work out so badly!
I don't think there are any other guys out there that would go through this for a girl. But I go through everything for her and I just keep taking it in stride. It's like the more love kicks me down, the more I get up and keep going. But why? Why do I do that? I mean I don't get any enjoyment out of getting knocked down, so I guess it's only one thing. And that one thing is the one thing that is knocking me down. Love. Nothing complex at all, just plain, simple, unconditional love for another person. But then comes the complex side of love...getting it returned back to you. I know she loves me deep down inside. I know it because I've seen it. In 3 years and 11 months believe me I've seen it. It may have been as long as 3 years ago since I've really seen it, but I know it's there. Don't be afraid of it. There's no reason to be afraid of love or afraid to show it.
Ok now that I'm this far through this entry, I'm not sure where I'm going with it. This always seems to happen to my entries. I guess it's because I just type whatever is on my mind without thinking about it. I guess the moral of this entry is that love is hard and I'm struggling right now. I hope that things get worked out. Who knows, maybe I just need to stop thinking about it. Ahh I don't know! I think right now the best thing for me to do is go to bed. I'm tired and it has been a long ass week and I'm glad it's over. Goodnight to everyone. Sorry for the random entries that may not make sense to anyone. Comment if you'd like. Bye.
I've realized something lately. This is hard. Life is hard. I'm just at a point where I'm just blah. Like I'm just kind of feeling nothing. It's like things happen and I'm like blah. I don't know how to feel anything anymore. The only thing I've been feeling lately is sadness. I usually do pretty decent during the day, but there are always the times at night right before I go to sleep. That time where you're just laying there staring at the ceiling. That's when it hurts the most. I feel alone. I just feel like I've lost of a part of me and I just have this hole. I mean it's weird because we're kind of still together but like not talking as much or something. I don't know. All I know is that it's hard. I've done a lot of hard stuff before: playing in front of crowds of people, music directing a large group that is mostly older than me, school, playing piano period, etc. etc. But let me tell you, there is nothing harder in the world than love. Love is hard. Love is not fair all the time. Love is kicking me in the ass right now. To be honest, it always seems to do that. Everything goes really smoothly and then BAM! and I get a swift kick. I always seem to be blind to problems and get caught off guard. I just want everything to work out so badly!
I don't think there are any other guys out there that would go through this for a girl. But I go through everything for her and I just keep taking it in stride. It's like the more love kicks me down, the more I get up and keep going. But why? Why do I do that? I mean I don't get any enjoyment out of getting knocked down, so I guess it's only one thing. And that one thing is the one thing that is knocking me down. Love. Nothing complex at all, just plain, simple, unconditional love for another person. But then comes the complex side of love...getting it returned back to you. I know she loves me deep down inside. I know it because I've seen it. In 3 years and 11 months believe me I've seen it. It may have been as long as 3 years ago since I've really seen it, but I know it's there. Don't be afraid of it. There's no reason to be afraid of love or afraid to show it.
Ok now that I'm this far through this entry, I'm not sure where I'm going with it. This always seems to happen to my entries. I guess it's because I just type whatever is on my mind without thinking about it. I guess the moral of this entry is that love is hard and I'm struggling right now. I hope that things get worked out. Who knows, maybe I just need to stop thinking about it. Ahh I don't know! I think right now the best thing for me to do is go to bed. I'm tired and it has been a long ass week and I'm glad it's over. Goodnight to everyone. Sorry for the random entries that may not make sense to anyone. Comment if you'd like. Bye.