what a week...
Well it's been awhile since I've updated, so here goes. Life has been something else lately. There's been a lot of new stuff happening. To start it all off I am all on my own this week at home. The rest of my family is away at Panama City Beach for vacation. This is the first year in my 21 years that I've never gone on vacation with my family and I must say that it makes me really sad. I never realized how much I enjoyed family vacation until I didn't have one. It's just weird because I usually would think nothing of it and just go, but since I'm not there it's like I missing something to my summer. I guess I just miss my family a bit. It's so weird for it to be so quiet in my house. It has been cool though in some cases because I've been able to be on my own. I can now do laundry and I'm starting to learn how to cook. I made some brownies the other day and they aren't that bad. I mean they're not my moms but I'm sure I'll get better. I've also been able to have people over, which was cool because I usually don't have people over to my house. I was really glad people came over though because I turned out to be pretty fun. It was just a nice chill night where we all just kinda kicked back and relaxed out by the pool for the 4th of July. Other than that I've just been hanging out at home and going to Wizard of Oz rehearsal.
Wizard of Oz is going really well, but for some reason it's kind of weird. I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's the fact that I havent' been there for the whole process. Tonights rehearsal was weird because we ran over vocal stuff and the guy who taught all the vocal stuff was there and I just felt as though some of the vocal stuff sounded really weak. I just wanted to say stuff and try and fix stuff and make things better, but I couldn't really say anything. I'm just such a perfectionist about things like that and I can't stand it when I feel like things aren't as strong as they should be. Good enough doesn't do it for me. So that was really awkward to have to just sit there, but I know my place and I'm usually pretty good about not overpowering people and taking over (except for one number which is more jazz like, so I couldnt' help it hahaha). Another stressful thing is that I am having sooooo much trouble getting an orchestra together. I just hate it because I always get these big plans for orchestras and then it's like they just fall apart. It's like I can't get anyone. So I don't know what I'm going to do exactly. So we'll see how that turns out.
Before I close this entry there is one more thing that I want to write about. I'm sure it's probably no surprise by now but Kirstie and I are hanging out and talking again. Before I say anything else I want to make it extremely extremely clear that Kirstie had NOTHING, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what happened between Kim and I. I'm sure there are people out there who won't believe me, but I know the truth and I know that I would never do anything like that.
So that aside, we are just hanging out and trying to start new. I don't think I ever really expected this to happen this soon, but it is. I'm sure some people think I'm crazy to do this, but for some reason I can't help but believe her this time. I hope to God that she doesn't hurt me again, but I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance and this is hers. If she hurts me again though, I can pretty much promise that I'll never talk to her again. There is quote that goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I really think that sums it up pretty well. Things are different this time around though. We've both grown up some and I feel like she's finally starting to be more honest with me. I mean yes believe me there will be a lot of proving to do on her part, but that is for her to deal with. Things will have to be different from last time or they will never work. I have spent a lot of time thinking about all of this stuff and I'm sure I will continue to think (being alone all the time in the house doesn't help any). It's just so hard, now that we've been talking and have reconciled with one another, to not want to be around her. I'm not sure if anyone understands this, but if you've ever been in love before I think you will. So for right now we're just starting over and trying to make this work and see where it takes us.
But anyway, I think I've poured out a bit too much in one entry. I'm just stressed and tired and I need to go to bed. It has been a long day filled with emotional ups and downs. It's just another one of those transitional points in my life. But I feel as though things are slowly getting better. I guess we'll see though. Goodnight friends!
Wizard of Oz is going really well, but for some reason it's kind of weird. I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's the fact that I havent' been there for the whole process. Tonights rehearsal was weird because we ran over vocal stuff and the guy who taught all the vocal stuff was there and I just felt as though some of the vocal stuff sounded really weak. I just wanted to say stuff and try and fix stuff and make things better, but I couldn't really say anything. I'm just such a perfectionist about things like that and I can't stand it when I feel like things aren't as strong as they should be. Good enough doesn't do it for me. So that was really awkward to have to just sit there, but I know my place and I'm usually pretty good about not overpowering people and taking over (except for one number which is more jazz like, so I couldnt' help it hahaha). Another stressful thing is that I am having sooooo much trouble getting an orchestra together. I just hate it because I always get these big plans for orchestras and then it's like they just fall apart. It's like I can't get anyone. So I don't know what I'm going to do exactly. So we'll see how that turns out.
Before I close this entry there is one more thing that I want to write about. I'm sure it's probably no surprise by now but Kirstie and I are hanging out and talking again. Before I say anything else I want to make it extremely extremely clear that Kirstie had NOTHING, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what happened between Kim and I. I'm sure there are people out there who won't believe me, but I know the truth and I know that I would never do anything like that.
So that aside, we are just hanging out and trying to start new. I don't think I ever really expected this to happen this soon, but it is. I'm sure some people think I'm crazy to do this, but for some reason I can't help but believe her this time. I hope to God that she doesn't hurt me again, but I do believe that everyone deserves a second chance and this is hers. If she hurts me again though, I can pretty much promise that I'll never talk to her again. There is quote that goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I really think that sums it up pretty well. Things are different this time around though. We've both grown up some and I feel like she's finally starting to be more honest with me. I mean yes believe me there will be a lot of proving to do on her part, but that is for her to deal with. Things will have to be different from last time or they will never work. I have spent a lot of time thinking about all of this stuff and I'm sure I will continue to think (being alone all the time in the house doesn't help any). It's just so hard, now that we've been talking and have reconciled with one another, to not want to be around her. I'm not sure if anyone understands this, but if you've ever been in love before I think you will. So for right now we're just starting over and trying to make this work and see where it takes us.
But anyway, I think I've poured out a bit too much in one entry. I'm just stressed and tired and I need to go to bed. It has been a long day filled with emotional ups and downs. It's just another one of those transitional points in my life. But I feel as though things are slowly getting better. I guess we'll see though. Goodnight friends!