update....
Man, there are so many times when I come here to write... so many things I just want to say about things I think about but whenever I come on here I just don't feel like writing it on here. I don't want to just keep it to myself inside either. I had a great morning today. I actually feel like I'm not that stupid. I, me, Jessica, I was helping someone with their math test. Our teacher lets us do that and I was actually helping someone else instead of being the person who needed help. It made me feel good to be the first one done and when the teacher let me check my problems I saw that I got every one right except one but I just made a stupid mistake. My semster is going so well and I only wish that I could have done this my first semester. It was possible, but I didn't try as hard as I could have and I didn't have God with me to help like I do now.
I fought with so many people... people who used to be my friends, don't talk to me anymore and people I barly know don't talk to me either. I really don't like myself and the way I act. I put myself in situations that are none of my business and say things, while they may be true, they aren't things that I have the right to say. I know this, yet I haven't changed and all I lost is every friend I've ever had, my relationship with my dad and ruined relationships that were never really there anyway. I shouldn't talk to anyone, it doesn't matter that I have done these things, well at least, it doesn't matter to these people because they have more people in their lives and to just drop me and not care doesn't really hurt of affect them. It hurts me, though. Because of who I am, because I don't have a lot of friends, because I can be so mean. It hurts that I can't be friends with people, and that everyday I go unnoticed by SO many. I feel so much like nothing. I know that I'll never be that one person for someone because of who I am. It's like knowing the sky blue and the grass is green, I know that I will be alone because I'm nothing special, and because of how and who I am.
I am a bad sister and daughter too as I said about my dad. My brothers have let go of their sister like I'm not even part of the family.
I feel like an empty shell.
I fought with so many people... people who used to be my friends, don't talk to me anymore and people I barly know don't talk to me either. I really don't like myself and the way I act. I put myself in situations that are none of my business and say things, while they may be true, they aren't things that I have the right to say. I know this, yet I haven't changed and all I lost is every friend I've ever had, my relationship with my dad and ruined relationships that were never really there anyway. I shouldn't talk to anyone, it doesn't matter that I have done these things, well at least, it doesn't matter to these people because they have more people in their lives and to just drop me and not care doesn't really hurt of affect them. It hurts me, though. Because of who I am, because I don't have a lot of friends, because I can be so mean. It hurts that I can't be friends with people, and that everyday I go unnoticed by SO many. I feel so much like nothing. I know that I'll never be that one person for someone because of who I am. It's like knowing the sky blue and the grass is green, I know that I will be alone because I'm nothing special, and because of how and who I am.
I am a bad sister and daughter too as I said about my dad. My brothers have let go of their sister like I'm not even part of the family.
I feel like an empty shell.