Thank you....I'm glad I maybe made some sense. I just feel so guilty because I feel like her excuse has always been the cancer and the affects that it has had on her personality and ability to cope with stress, but at the same time...I don't know. It's just not fair to those boys. Our family used to get together a lot to play games and stuff, and we haven't done it much in the past few years. We play at holiday get-togethers, but even then, I don't even want to play if Kimberly is playing because of her temper and how any little thing sets her off. I just internalize it (I'm not sure how to NOT internalize it), get anxious, and leave. I can't handle it when people start yelling. And she always apologizes afterwards, when she's cooled down some...I think she realizes how out of hand it is, but she's not DOING anything about it and it's affecting her family.
As for school, I cannot work and go to school at the same time....that's what I've done ever since highschool, and in college it's not working for me. I'm not getting anywhere and I feel like I"m just treading water and wasting money always dropping classes. So my plan is to just take out student loans, and do school full time without having a job to worry about also. I'll kind of be "working" because I'll be living with my sister and watching my niece a couple of days a week when/if I'm not in school. But since I'm taking out loans, I cannot drop a class. I'm required to take a certain amount of hours (I think at least 6) each semester or I screw up the loan. I know that 6 hours isn't much either, but even THAT is more than I've taken in a really long time. This semester I started out in two classes, dropped one, and have an "A" in my other one. I'm just really starting to panic and wonder if this was a really stupid decision...but at the same time, I HAVE to finish school. I'm ready to have a "real" job and to get on with my life. And I know that I can teach...that's what I'm getting my degree in. I have no doubt in my ability to work, I just have doubts in my ability to maintain my grades in school. I didn't have problems like this in highschool or when I was first in college. I feel like a complete failure that it's so hard now. If I can just maintain motivation, keep my depression out of the way, and focus, then I'll be alright. I'm just really stressed out about it. I don't want to sabotage myself like I always do. I just wish I knew how to NOT do that.
As for school, I cannot work and go to school at the same time....that's what I've done ever since highschool, and in college it's not working for me. I'm not getting anywhere and I feel like I"m just treading water and wasting money always dropping classes. So my plan is to just take out student loans, and do school full time without having a job to worry about also. I'll kind of be "working" because I'll be living with my sister and watching my niece a couple of days a week when/if I'm not in school. But since I'm taking out loans, I cannot drop a class. I'm required to take a certain amount of hours (I think at least 6) each semester or I screw up the loan. I know that 6 hours isn't much either, but even THAT is more than I've taken in a really long time. This semester I started out in two classes, dropped one, and have an "A" in my other one. I'm just really starting to panic and wonder if this was a really stupid decision...but at the same time, I HAVE to finish school. I'm ready to have a "real" job and to get on with my life. And I know that I can teach...that's what I'm getting my degree in. I have no doubt in my ability to work, I just have doubts in my ability to maintain my grades in school. I didn't have problems like this in highschool or when I was first in college. I feel like a complete failure that it's so hard now. If I can just maintain motivation, keep my depression out of the way, and focus, then I'll be alright. I'm just really stressed out about it. I don't want to sabotage myself like I always do. I just wish I knew how to NOT do that.
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