hilarious
I'm looking for sex and love, but probably not with you. Sexy gays are lecherous, egocentric, and obvious; noble gays are taken, plain, or remote; and the homely, ignoble majority solicits me overwhelmingly. While abstinence is a real drag, I don't appreciate getting hit on by grossly unsuitable jackanapeses. So please keep reading. Because I don't suffer fools and phonies, don't pretend you're not propositioning me if you are, or otherwise distort your true nature or motives in any way. I can tell
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I'm less likely to answer people when they use trite euphemistic shibboleths to say what they want, such as "hang (out)," "chill," "laid back," "easy going," "fun," "trouble," "mild to wild," "whatever happens," "seeing what's up," "looking around," "seeing who's out there," "looking for friends and more," "looking for friends--must have pic to chat," and so on, especially when they claim not to be looking for sex. Because I see right through conformistic phonies and we don't get along, I never pvt or approach them first. However, if a really hot one hits on me, I don't stand on principle. I do my best to act stupid and fake, at least long enough to frack. Unfortunately, I seldom pull it off
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't get me wrong. A monogamous long-term relationship is my ideal. But I've never had one, and my chances have degraded to extinction with my current life situation. "Open relationships" seem absurd and hypocritical. Hookups and frackbuddies are the most I can reasonably expect. Alas, all I've gotten in my whole life is a smattering of hookups, a small fraction of the promiscuity achieved by most of my peers. I was completely repressed in high school. My college years were a collosal waste of opportunities. My bar phase found me exchanging long, hard looks with attractive guys while fat, old, shameless trolls and brazen asians would constantly charge forth and try to take me home. I've only once gone home with anyone from a club: I got all the way to the point where he tried to bareback, and that was the end of that. Aside from making eyes and brushing off, I always ended up standing in a corner watching people and examining objects.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Gay life beyond bars? Private parties, organized and promoted by two or three Borg queens of gay Chicago, are a focal point for the city's most socially gracile promiscuous phonies. I've been to only one mostly gay house party. Everyone seemed to know each other intimately and relish the whole scene--except me. Bottom line, they are even more disturbing to me than clubs. For example, many soires have nominal upper age limits of 24 or so--ostensibly as a service for questioning youth, but actually as a way for the slightly or not-so-slightly older organizers to frack fresh, young meat opportunistically. This sector of gaydom sometimes dispenses entirely with pleasantries and organizes full-tilt orgies, using word-of-mouth and even web-based pic-voting schemes to winnow out undesirables. Though I find many aspects of them disgusting, I can't help but feel left out when I reflect upon these goings-on. I feel increasingly as though I've frittered away my best years in solitude. At least I look very young for my age, partly because I have not indulged in such profligacies.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Meeting people off the Internet is easier, of course. Some such meetings I've had were momentary, as I do not suffer liars. The few times that the other person wasn't misrepresenting himself and we actually found each other frackable, the results have been mixed. At its best, sex can be really fun. I'm told that I'm good at it, but I think it's rather that most Americans are really bad at it. This is because their culture, such as it is, homogenizes and stultifies them. They become atomized, tangled up in their own egocentricities. This is done purposely by the power establishment, which fears what Lippmann called "the bewildered herd." At least that's the primary reason that so many of you guys are boring in bed; circumcision doesn't help either
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. Onward. I have a pic in a completed profile and will not respond to you if you don't. If your default pic doesn't show your face or is visible only to paying subscribers, that counts as having no pic. You see, it's rude and presumptuous to check out others' pics beforehand unilaterally and then press your advantage with a private message. If you have a pic to send but not to post, I'll probably assume that you're trying to get your foot in the door because the rest of you doesn't look so hot, or simply that you're trying to cheat discreetly. Speaking of cheating, don't pvt if your pic is 5 years and 20 pounds out of date. You won't get away with it. If your pic shows a group of people, or an ex-fb or fag hag draped ornamentally over your shoulder, I'm not likely to respond to your pvt. This includes remnant limbs of cropped-out people. I'm also unimpressed, to say the least, by your Buddy and Hot lists. They're really tacky. Speaking of which, YOU CAN EMAIL ME BUT DON'T SEND ME BUDDY LIST REQUESTS! Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to respond without tainting my own profile
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Please do not contact me if you are under 23, if your age range doesn't contain your own age, or if your age range is skewed crazily, . 35 iso 18-36. Pedophiles and ephebophiles creep me out. It should go without saying that I'm not interested in guys much over 40. It does not, so DON'T CONTACT ME IF YOU'RE MUCH OVER 40. Obfuscating your true age is effeminate as well as mendacious. Subtracting 5 years is very typical on sites like this. Inaccurate stats, descriptions, pics, and names are also commonplace. None are acceptable to me
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I have zero sexual attraction to Asians, for whatever reason. Sorry, but that does not constitute racism
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Please live near me. I'm not driving to Aurora or Elgin. If you are visiting town, look elsewhere. I don't work for the Office of Gay Tourism
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I won't respond to snotty hotties who scan the room lists from outside the chatroom. I don't enjoy fending off brazen trolls either, you know. Those who never chat in public, but just display themselves silently and send pvts, are also on thin ice. But worse than silence is habitually commenting on or selectively greeting much better looking strangers in a pathetic attempt to curry their favor. This flood of public cajoleries and unwanted pvts causes the overwhelmed targets to join the aforementioned ranks of the taciturn who pretend always to be "busy or away.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. Do not pvt me if you are in a relationship! That includes long-distance and open relationships. Put another way, I won't reply to you if you are "monogamously coupled," "seeing someone special," or "dating a few people." It's arrogant to think someone single should serve as an illicit partner for you, or a convenient third playmate to enliven your moribund romance. I'm not excluding threeways or groups altogether, just those agglomerations that fancy themselves to be seriously involved. Also, do not pvt me if you get a new boyfriend (sic) every other week
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I'll probably ignore you if your handle contains words like "hottie," "frat," "boy," "boi," "cute," "play," "pig," "woof," "leather," "AF," and "aber-," because I'm repelled by vanity, elitism, conformity, puerility, bestiality, atavism, dissimulation, and susceptibility to marketing, memes, and mannerisms
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On all clothing with a designer's name prominently displayed, the lettering should actually read: "Yes, I am an idiot." However, Abercrombie and Fitch has the most absurd yet flagitious marketing and business practices of them all. Aberzombies emit a foul stench of Aryan supremacy and privileged old money from the decayed mush between their ears. I'm not the fashion police, but summary judgment is warranted if you nickname yourself for their company or have their logo emblazoned across your chest in your pic, thinking it makes you attractive. Speaking of silly-looking fashions, do not contact me if you wear polo shirts with the collars turned up. Lastly, shirts and jerseys with player numbers worn when not playing sports, ostensibly to make one seem athletic and well-adjusted, instead announce cutesiness and conformism
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I ask that you be HIV- and STD-free if you pvt me, but I won't risk my life based solely upon your word. Don't pvt if you go around barebacking everyone, as you're probably infectious. Gays are always exhorting others to "play safe," but in actual practice I've found most try to frack raw. And these suicide-murderers, who actually believe they are "clean" because they tested negative for something at some point in the distant past, are the ones who read this and think I am neurotic. I hereby submit that any apparent neuroses of mine are an artifact of your collective mass psychoses
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do not pvt me if you attend circuit parties like Flamerball, which benefit epidemic pestilence, debased character, unwarranted pride, drug dealers, and entrepreneurial opportunism in the name of phony charity. However physically attractive some gay sex scene fixtures may be, I perceive them as pernicious subunits of a soulless collective, pullulating menacingly toward me
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do NOT pvt me about your gene ro$ity; it's disgusting. Conversely, I don't take freebies from prostitutes. I wouldn't want to cut into their profit margins. Besides, I think I might be allergic to penicillin
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Big minus points for most who proudly proclaim themselves professionals. Joyous servility to the inhuman institutions of this self-righteously barbaric criminal oppressor state is really quite sickening to me. Obviously, most people need wage-slavery to subsist. I exclude only the real cretins. Please don't pvt me if you are involved in or studying: advertising, marketing, public relations, big pharma, corporate medical accounting, or defense. And no typical lawyers or doctors. Truly, the justice and health care systems in America show with particular vulgarity how rights have been munificently expanded for the haves and savagely curtailed for the have-nots. I will suffer no contact with such obscenities
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't bother me if you are a Repuglican. I consider this the most odious, corrupt, fascistic, incompetent, evil, lying, undemocratic US administration ever. Do not pvt me if you voted with the for Bushbaby in either electoral farce. Do not pvt me if you support Operation Iraqi Fiefdom. No jingoes
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I'm not interested in very religious or other deeply irrational people. Spirituality is healthy, but pious allegiance to an organized religion turns me off
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Intelligence is a big turn-on for me. As far as physical attributes, for the sake of completeness, I prefer height >5'8", waist size <34, above average below-the-waist size, fairly good looks, and a full head of hair. That's rather crass, but I'm not asking for anything I don't have. While I appreciate better looks, bigger muscles, and bigger business as icing on the cake, they won't make up for anything. Indeed, they directly correlate with many of the character flaws and other peeves I've mentioned.
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I DON'T want to hear from total bottoms, unless you're going to entertain me with some bitter tirade. HOWEVER, most "total tops" are total liars, playing the part to tap the vast number of cumslut bottoms in the gay population. That's certainly the simplest way to bed younger or better-looking guys, except for cash, and even the very attractive often employ this technique to achieve hyper-promiscuity. Basically, you should be in the vers-top range, insofar as you subscribe to those labels, if you pvt me. Recall that I insist upon honesty. WHILE I'M INTERESTED IN MORE THAN SEX, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN PRIVATE MESSAGING IF THE POSSIBILITY OF SEX WITH YOU IS EXCLUDED ANYWHERE ABOVE
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If you absorb the above, send me a pvt, and get no answer, you've interpreted some stricture barring certain pvts as allowing them, at least for you. Translated into your native dissemblese: "I may be busy or away."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Editorial comments about this profile and other pretexts for flouting my criteria are transparent to me. Banal advice about improving my attitude and messages of the form "I know I'm not your type, but. .." serve no purpose. I do enjoy bitter condemnation, however. Please make it nasty, but creative. Remember, you just get one shot before being permanently blocked
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
If you are among the bitter, rejected twats who pathetically dedicate their time to getting my account suspended for no legitimate reason, PLEASE continue! I enjoy the knowledge that I'm pissing you off even more than I enjoy continually coming up with replacement login names. It takes a total of 3 minutes to reconstitute my account.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm less likely to answer people when they use trite euphemistic shibboleths to say what they want, such as "hang (out)," "chill," "laid back," "easy going," "fun," "trouble," "mild to wild," "whatever happens," "seeing what's up," "looking around," "seeing who's out there," "looking for friends and more," "looking for friends--must have pic to chat," and so on, especially when they claim not to be looking for sex. Because I see right through conformistic phonies and we don't get along, I never pvt or approach them first. However, if a really hot one hits on me, I don't stand on principle. I do my best to act stupid and fake, at least long enough to frack. Unfortunately, I seldom pull it off
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't get me wrong. A monogamous long-term relationship is my ideal. But I've never had one, and my chances have degraded to extinction with my current life situation. "Open relationships" seem absurd and hypocritical. Hookups and frackbuddies are the most I can reasonably expect. Alas, all I've gotten in my whole life is a smattering of hookups, a small fraction of the promiscuity achieved by most of my peers. I was completely repressed in high school. My college years were a collosal waste of opportunities. My bar phase found me exchanging long, hard looks with attractive guys while fat, old, shameless trolls and brazen asians would constantly charge forth and try to take me home. I've only once gone home with anyone from a club: I got all the way to the point where he tried to bareback, and that was the end of that. Aside from making eyes and brushing off, I always ended up standing in a corner watching people and examining objects.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Gay life beyond bars? Private parties, organized and promoted by two or three Borg queens of gay Chicago, are a focal point for the city's most socially gracile promiscuous phonies. I've been to only one mostly gay house party. Everyone seemed to know each other intimately and relish the whole scene--except me. Bottom line, they are even more disturbing to me than clubs. For example, many soires have nominal upper age limits of 24 or so--ostensibly as a service for questioning youth, but actually as a way for the slightly or not-so-slightly older organizers to frack fresh, young meat opportunistically. This sector of gaydom sometimes dispenses entirely with pleasantries and organizes full-tilt orgies, using word-of-mouth and even web-based pic-voting schemes to winnow out undesirables. Though I find many aspects of them disgusting, I can't help but feel left out when I reflect upon these goings-on. I feel increasingly as though I've frittered away my best years in solitude. At least I look very young for my age, partly because I have not indulged in such profligacies.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Meeting people off the Internet is easier, of course. Some such meetings I've had were momentary, as I do not suffer liars. The few times that the other person wasn't misrepresenting himself and we actually found each other frackable, the results have been mixed. At its best, sex can be really fun. I'm told that I'm good at it, but I think it's rather that most Americans are really bad at it. This is because their culture, such as it is, homogenizes and stultifies them. They become atomized, tangled up in their own egocentricities. This is done purposely by the power establishment, which fears what Lippmann called "the bewildered herd." At least that's the primary reason that so many of you guys are boring in bed; circumcision doesn't help either
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. Onward. I have a pic in a completed profile and will not respond to you if you don't. If your default pic doesn't show your face or is visible only to paying subscribers, that counts as having no pic. You see, it's rude and presumptuous to check out others' pics beforehand unilaterally and then press your advantage with a private message. If you have a pic to send but not to post, I'll probably assume that you're trying to get your foot in the door because the rest of you doesn't look so hot, or simply that you're trying to cheat discreetly. Speaking of cheating, don't pvt if your pic is 5 years and 20 pounds out of date. You won't get away with it. If your pic shows a group of people, or an ex-fb or fag hag draped ornamentally over your shoulder, I'm not likely to respond to your pvt. This includes remnant limbs of cropped-out people. I'm also unimpressed, to say the least, by your Buddy and Hot lists. They're really tacky. Speaking of which, YOU CAN EMAIL ME BUT DON'T SEND ME BUDDY LIST REQUESTS! Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to respond without tainting my own profile
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Please do not contact me if you are under 23, if your age range doesn't contain your own age, or if your age range is skewed crazily, . 35 iso 18-36. Pedophiles and ephebophiles creep me out. It should go without saying that I'm not interested in guys much over 40. It does not, so DON'T CONTACT ME IF YOU'RE MUCH OVER 40. Obfuscating your true age is effeminate as well as mendacious. Subtracting 5 years is very typical on sites like this. Inaccurate stats, descriptions, pics, and names are also commonplace. None are acceptable to me
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I have zero sexual attraction to Asians, for whatever reason. Sorry, but that does not constitute racism
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Please live near me. I'm not driving to Aurora or Elgin. If you are visiting town, look elsewhere. I don't work for the Office of Gay Tourism
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I won't respond to snotty hotties who scan the room lists from outside the chatroom. I don't enjoy fending off brazen trolls either, you know. Those who never chat in public, but just display themselves silently and send pvts, are also on thin ice. But worse than silence is habitually commenting on or selectively greeting much better looking strangers in a pathetic attempt to curry their favor. This flood of public cajoleries and unwanted pvts causes the overwhelmed targets to join the aforementioned ranks of the taciturn who pretend always to be "busy or away.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. Do not pvt me if you are in a relationship! That includes long-distance and open relationships. Put another way, I won't reply to you if you are "monogamously coupled," "seeing someone special," or "dating a few people." It's arrogant to think someone single should serve as an illicit partner for you, or a convenient third playmate to enliven your moribund romance. I'm not excluding threeways or groups altogether, just those agglomerations that fancy themselves to be seriously involved. Also, do not pvt me if you get a new boyfriend (sic) every other week
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'll probably ignore you if your handle contains words like "hottie," "frat," "boy," "boi," "cute," "play," "pig," "woof," "leather," "AF," and "aber-," because I'm repelled by vanity, elitism, conformity, puerility, bestiality, atavism, dissimulation, and susceptibility to marketing, memes, and mannerisms
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
On all clothing with a designer's name prominently displayed, the lettering should actually read: "Yes, I am an idiot." However, Abercrombie and Fitch has the most absurd yet flagitious marketing and business practices of them all. Aberzombies emit a foul stench of Aryan supremacy and privileged old money from the decayed mush between their ears. I'm not the fashion police, but summary judgment is warranted if you nickname yourself for their company or have their logo emblazoned across your chest in your pic, thinking it makes you attractive. Speaking of silly-looking fashions, do not contact me if you wear polo shirts with the collars turned up. Lastly, shirts and jerseys with player numbers worn when not playing sports, ostensibly to make one seem athletic and well-adjusted, instead announce cutesiness and conformism
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I ask that you be HIV- and STD-free if you pvt me, but I won't risk my life based solely upon your word. Don't pvt if you go around barebacking everyone, as you're probably infectious. Gays are always exhorting others to "play safe," but in actual practice I've found most try to frack raw. And these suicide-murderers, who actually believe they are "clean" because they tested negative for something at some point in the distant past, are the ones who read this and think I am neurotic. I hereby submit that any apparent neuroses of mine are an artifact of your collective mass psychoses
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do not pvt me if you attend circuit parties like Flamerball, which benefit epidemic pestilence, debased character, unwarranted pride, drug dealers, and entrepreneurial opportunism in the name of phony charity. However physically attractive some gay sex scene fixtures may be, I perceive them as pernicious subunits of a soulless collective, pullulating menacingly toward me
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Do NOT pvt me about your gene ro$ity; it's disgusting. Conversely, I don't take freebies from prostitutes. I wouldn't want to cut into their profit margins. Besides, I think I might be allergic to penicillin
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Big minus points for most who proudly proclaim themselves professionals. Joyous servility to the inhuman institutions of this self-righteously barbaric criminal oppressor state is really quite sickening to me. Obviously, most people need wage-slavery to subsist. I exclude only the real cretins. Please don't pvt me if you are involved in or studying: advertising, marketing, public relations, big pharma, corporate medical accounting, or defense. And no typical lawyers or doctors. Truly, the justice and health care systems in America show with particular vulgarity how rights have been munificently expanded for the haves and savagely curtailed for the have-nots. I will suffer no contact with such obscenities
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Don't bother me if you are a Repuglican. I consider this the most odious, corrupt, fascistic, incompetent, evil, lying, undemocratic US administration ever. Do not pvt me if you voted with the for Bushbaby in either electoral farce. Do not pvt me if you support Operation Iraqi Fiefdom. No jingoes
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I'm not interested in very religious or other deeply irrational people. Spirituality is healthy, but pious allegiance to an organized religion turns me off
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Intelligence is a big turn-on for me. As far as physical attributes, for the sake of completeness, I prefer height >5'8", waist size <34, above average below-the-waist size, fairly good looks, and a full head of hair. That's rather crass, but I'm not asking for anything I don't have. While I appreciate better looks, bigger muscles, and bigger business as icing on the cake, they won't make up for anything. Indeed, they directly correlate with many of the character flaws and other peeves I've mentioned.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I DON'T want to hear from total bottoms, unless you're going to entertain me with some bitter tirade. HOWEVER, most "total tops" are total liars, playing the part to tap the vast number of cumslut bottoms in the gay population. That's certainly the simplest way to bed younger or better-looking guys, except for cash, and even the very attractive often employ this technique to achieve hyper-promiscuity. Basically, you should be in the vers-top range, insofar as you subscribe to those labels, if you pvt me. Recall that I insist upon honesty. WHILE I'M INTERESTED IN MORE THAN SEX, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN PRIVATE MESSAGING IF THE POSSIBILITY OF SEX WITH YOU IS EXCLUDED ANYWHERE ABOVE
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
If you absorb the above, send me a pvt, and get no answer, you've interpreted some stricture barring certain pvts as allowing them, at least for you. Translated into your native dissemblese: "I may be busy or away."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Editorial comments about this profile and other pretexts for flouting my criteria are transparent to me. Banal advice about improving my attitude and messages of the form "I know I'm not your type, but. .." serve no purpose. I do enjoy bitter condemnation, however. Please make it nasty, but creative. Remember, you just get one shot before being permanently blocked
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
If you are among the bitter, rejected twats who pathetically dedicate their time to getting my account suspended for no legitimate reason, PLEASE continue! I enjoy the knowledge that I'm pissing you off even more than I enjoy continually coming up with replacement login names. It takes a total of 3 minutes to reconstitute my account.