waiting sucks
I havent updated in quite a while, simply cause nothing has really gone on. We are still waiting for the funding for that order to come in. We've been waiting so long, sometimes I really wonder if God is up there just trying to push us to the edge or see how much we can take. To make matters worse my sisters called wanting like 100$ to get their hair done....or for whatever purpose. I just totally flipped, I mean she knows our situation we dont even have our own place yet! Anyways, she got into an arguement with my mom and my mom ended up hanging up cause she was trying to make her feel bad for not having that much money to give her. Then I called and got into it with her, and it got heated. I was like "Ok adrienne, I know we are living in one bedroom, can hardly walk around in this room because every inch of this room is being used to store all of our belongings...I know that we dont even have our own place yet, but geting your hair done is more important than that... yeah geting an apartment can wait- Adrienne has to get her hair done!" And yes, I realize that if we got stoped by a cop without insurance our car can get impounded and we will be without transportation...but what the heck - Adrienne needs a new wardrobe!" I got pretty sarcastic and irate.. I know, but this is what they really expect from us. And then try to make us feel bad cause we dont have that kind of money. I went to take a shower and just had to realize that all of this is coming from two kids that get money handed to them left and right...asking for 100 bucks off the wall means nothing to them, cause they have no value of money, they don't comprehend the obligation of bills and priorities. And our father tells them that we have money and just don't want to do for them.
Well it all ended with her telling me that she hates the person that I am and she doesnt want to have a relationship with me at all anymore. This hurt alot. But I suppose what I said hurt her too. I called her back and she told me that she doesnt take herself as some spoiled snob that gets whatever they want. I just kept my mouth shut.
I was crying because they really have no idea how much I worry and care for them. When we had no one, we had each other, and I was more than a sister to them during those times. That sentiment runs much deeper than that. Maybe it doesnt for them anymore...and that hurts. Really I'm trying not to care so much anymore- why should I? I only end up hurting in the end. The last coversation I had with her was her telling me that she just doesnt want to talk to me right now- so I said ok, well give me a call when you feel like talking. Havent received a call since- that was about a week ago.
The same day I got in all the games in the mail we ordered together. We bought Exile (Myst 3) off of ebay. It was a game that was meant to be played with the three of us together - the same with Zelda. Playing it and enjoying it without them, would just be wrong and simply not the same. Its just like against our sister code or something. Well, anyways she seemed not to care at all. So it sits on my shelf.
Anyways, not thinking about it or them seemed to leave me less depressed lately. But everyone knows how much I like to dig up suppressed emotion when I write. :/
Once we get this order we will be going apt. hunting, we also need to get our cat zippy fixed, she goes into heat like every other week it seems and its driving everyone up the wall.
The other day my mom went into a christian chatroom again, the ones we used to go into often with J. He happened to be in there with his new so called "wife". Hearing his voice again was just....i dont know....borderlining (no pun intended) on nauseating. He was in there with his usual style of puffing up and condesending approach. I swear, sometimes I really wonder where is Elohim and where is the justice in everything? Will Elohim be my vindicator? Or will the wicked prosper forever?
He got put in his place tho...right after him going through a long disertation on his "title" and his position as a "rabbi in NY" someone probably more learned than him asked him a question in hebrew, and suddenly his mic stopped working....lol Go figure!
Well theres the update...my prayer is that Elohim moves quickly.
Well it all ended with her telling me that she hates the person that I am and she doesnt want to have a relationship with me at all anymore. This hurt alot. But I suppose what I said hurt her too. I called her back and she told me that she doesnt take herself as some spoiled snob that gets whatever they want. I just kept my mouth shut.
I was crying because they really have no idea how much I worry and care for them. When we had no one, we had each other, and I was more than a sister to them during those times. That sentiment runs much deeper than that. Maybe it doesnt for them anymore...and that hurts. Really I'm trying not to care so much anymore- why should I? I only end up hurting in the end. The last coversation I had with her was her telling me that she just doesnt want to talk to me right now- so I said ok, well give me a call when you feel like talking. Havent received a call since- that was about a week ago.
The same day I got in all the games in the mail we ordered together. We bought Exile (Myst 3) off of ebay. It was a game that was meant to be played with the three of us together - the same with Zelda. Playing it and enjoying it without them, would just be wrong and simply not the same. Its just like against our sister code or something. Well, anyways she seemed not to care at all. So it sits on my shelf.
Anyways, not thinking about it or them seemed to leave me less depressed lately. But everyone knows how much I like to dig up suppressed emotion when I write. :/
Once we get this order we will be going apt. hunting, we also need to get our cat zippy fixed, she goes into heat like every other week it seems and its driving everyone up the wall.
The other day my mom went into a christian chatroom again, the ones we used to go into often with J. He happened to be in there with his new so called "wife". Hearing his voice again was just....i dont know....borderlining (no pun intended) on nauseating. He was in there with his usual style of puffing up and condesending approach. I swear, sometimes I really wonder where is Elohim and where is the justice in everything? Will Elohim be my vindicator? Or will the wicked prosper forever?
He got put in his place tho...right after him going through a long disertation on his "title" and his position as a "rabbi in NY" someone probably more learned than him asked him a question in hebrew, and suddenly his mic stopped working....lol Go figure!
Well theres the update...my prayer is that Elohim moves quickly.